Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Gaining speed (pain18 DB story, Part V)

Nothing bad is following you, and if it was, you'd be ready to deal with it. Life is always throwing stuff at us, and you've reached the point where life can't throw much else at you that isn't worse than what you've already dealt with.

I'm glad to see the positive changes keep coming.

Waiting stinks, I know what you mean. Just keep working to heal and move forward. Either way, you'll be more ready for that when the time comes, no matter who it comes with.

I'm going to look up and see what a sex class is - who knows maybe I can even teach it

What the hell is a sex class? Where are you taking it? What are you learning? I am super curious.

I'm exploring BDSM. Being dominant. It's something that was introduced with my W but I never understood it and felt comfortable with it. With me working on my NGS it became clear to me - my wife wanted a strong, dominating man, especially in the bedroom. I was just...NGS.

The class I'm going is an intro to rope bondage. But also learning proper etiquette - asserting control while not being aggressive.

Day 70/151:

Mostly good day. But I'm clearly not detached yet.

W asked me if I was mad at her or if I was ok. I replied that I was fine. She was concerned because I did not have any exclamation points in my texts. So...huh. Told her I did not know that was a thing and that I will work on sending texts that end in exclamation points (or something). Went home from church, had a mostly quiet evening. We send D4 to her room and we started to talk about our friend who is in a bad R for about 30 minutes, then went into the sitch regarding our S. She talked about how after she contracted the HPV virus she had the "aha" moment and decided to work actively on making herself happy. She did imply that she may have contracted it when she was drunk and taken advantage of. But the hidden implication was that she has been sexually active (presumably with OM, I don't know) at other times when we separated. So that hurt and clearly indicated to me that I still have work to do. I was reeling inside. But on the outside, I listened and did not not ask any more questions.

Talked about how S saved our lives. I told her that when I let her go, I finally was able to work on myself and be happy. She then continued to talk about how we ended up in this spot and how our separation is better than others. Which I agree. We're sharing a house, our D is good with both of us, etc. Continued to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. No dinner plans, so that means we're going to part like we are now. That part also bothered me but I also know that at this point in our lives and our sitch that there is not going to be any R talk anytime soon.

We then talked about plans for the weekend after next. I'm doing a fall photoshoot of the W and D4. She was talking about what she is going to wear and for D4.

The conversation lasted for an hour and a half (maybe two hours). Lots of soul bearing. Kind of hinted that we're still in limbo and that I don't know what is going to happen next month, next week, or even tomorrow. I almost told her that this limbo cannot last forever, but I also know that would just introduce problems and the potential for an argument.

If this was looked at objectively, especially from MWD and/or my DB coach, they would (probably) say that this is another small but significant step towards R. I hate to keep hoping, but I cannot help the fact that there is something special in the works in regards to me and W.

I know I have to be very patient. And I have been for the most part, but it's nights like these that make be want it to end sooner rather than later. That being said, I'm saying that out of emotion.

I know logically that moving too quick will only lead to more trouble.

And I don't want to compromise any good progress with us.

Would love some input.

Probably not the best time for sarcasm with your W. Women typically don't care for it like we do.



Good.

You're doing well otherwise. Try to keep your mind off the holidays and things you cannot control. It's not worth it.

No sarcasm was conveyed when I told W about the exclamation point, ovr. If I need to show that I'm not mad at her and letting her know that everything is good by putting punctuation marks, then that's what I will do. I need to be the best pain18 I can be. Not for her, but for myself.

Like I said before, I am doing my best to accomplish two goals of the DB process:

- Be the best pain18 only a fool would leave. Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Spiritually
- Put myself in the best position to get our R back on track and have it reach new heights.

I have hope. I have faith. I need to be patient.

Nice, that's good to know. I was probably projecting that on you. Me and my friends and brother were always super sarcastic, and that didn't go over well with my W.

I hear you. Before BD, I was extremely sarcastic, to the point where it was caustic to our relationship. I finally stopped when I let go. Again, delicate sitch and do not want to compromise any R efforts.

Meet with MC today. DB coach session #4 TBD. Lots of progress made.

Day 73/154:

I'm still not detached. I don't like getting excited at all of the good things happening, especially from W, but I cannot help but shake the feeling that there are some dark clouds on the horizon.

I don't want to D. I want my W back, I am tired of this uncertainty.

I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I am with you Pain. This is not an easy journey.
Keep your mind focused on yourself getting better.
You cannot control her. Be the man only a fool would leave.
That is all you can do. Her choice is her choice. You need to make yourself good no matter what the outcome. Either way will be very difficult, but you have to be good with either way being the outcome.
If it is dependent on her coming back, you will fail.