I'm getting better at it I must admit. The name calling and accusations used to pull me right in. Now I just ignore it...how do I validate f*** off and rot in he**?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
You don't. You ignore it, or set a boundary and let her know that you won't respond to abusive texts. And then ignore it. Either way it doesn't deserve a response, let alone validation.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
And just like that 2 hours later apoligizing for all the AM texts. All I said was I appreciate that. She said it is not how she feels and it’s not right. I’m not engaging, it’s just words at this point.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Pure rollercoaster ride. Try not to let your emotions follow her actions too much Lost. It took me a while, but i realized that a lot of my W's actions were consistant an addict's thought process and actions.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
So follow up on last night, so after apologizing for all the nasty talk and saying that's not how she feels, I know all talk, she was drinking last night and said that this will be too much work to repair, said she was broken and din't need anyone. I didn't pursue but she is all over the place in short periods of time. And it sounded like there was turmoil in her fantasy world and fighting with OM.
Sounds again like her rollercoaster is in motion, my plan is to stay the course I guess.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
...and another follow up from a few minutes ago, she just said she is very confused and emotional and the conversations are too heavy right now. Actually they are all one sided, lol it's her trying to break through I think and her defenses shoot up when she is drinking and gets angry. Honestly the db'ing is working and I'm proud to say I didn't take a step back at all last night...could have pleaded and pursued but just walked away as she was crying in her bed.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
And just like that 2 hours later apoligizing for all the AM texts. All I said was I appreciate that. She said it is not how she feels and it’s not right. I’m not engaging, it’s just words at this point.
Did she ask a question? Then no response is necessary. If she asks a questions, answer it as briefly as possible.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Like everybody says, do what works. Keep DB, validate but don´t get into R talks. You are not plan B, you are amoafwl and is going to be her loss. Getting her respect back is a first step forward. As Davide says, ignore the yelling. I don´t remember well but one of us used a spitting coat ;-), it was Doodler?...
Expect nothing, don´t try to react to those cycling behaviors, don´t mind read. Try to detach some more and GAL. You keep on telling us about her...don´t give a f@ck. It´s about you now man!
Keeping up the routine, she even asked if I had plans yet for the weekend, then said I know you do because when she checks in with S I am always out. I'm keeping busy, have already hooked back up with 2 friends that i haven't seen in 15 years and done some things with my 2 Ss that we have never done before in the past few weeks.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
