Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Runaway husband

I’m still thinking a break down. He sees counseler at the VA but unfortunetly I don’t think he’s getting the help he needs

Thank you for your encouragement!!

Uhh the thought of him with someone else makes me sick and like there is no coming back from that.

He seems to have such a wall up and has said “he’s done” yet just recently he calls out of the blue to come mow the lawn and just today our son had a dr appt at 9 am and instead of just meeting at the dr he said he would come to the
House before the appt and “help get the kids ready” confused

So Mama know this.... He doesn't know what he wants (and that's a good thing)

NOW, you must also know that begging, pushing and R talks will push him to really being done. So don't do that.

Make sure print out Sandi's rules and read them regularly. Read the links on validation... practice in the mirror validating.

Your H wants to be heard and to be validated...

Remember what you have done with interactions in the past that haven't worked and don't keep repeating them... PERIOD.

Learn about 180's and GAL.

You want him coming over and helping to be a positive thing... no negatives... positive interaction only!!!

Take a deep breath... listen.

Hi Mamab25, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I can relate well. You could try checking for further evidence to see if your husband is with another woman. If so then everything will make more sense. Otherwise hopefully the DB book will help provide a roadmap for what you can start doing to create the best circumstances for you and your husband to reunite in the future.

He’s coming tomorrow night to watch kids while I goto a concert with my cousin (he doesn’t know where I’m going yet). Nervous to see him .... I guess I’m getting really discouraged thinking how would he not know what he wants if he told me I love you but I’m not in love with you. How would he all of a sudden fall in love again?

"while I goto a concert with my cousin (he doesn’t know where I’m going yet"

Drop the yet.

If he asks Politely tell him its none of his business. If he pushes you can finally say: "Look, that is the kind of information a husband would want to know. You've made it clear that you no longer want that role."

I encourage you to do your reading.... there are lots of great books out there to help you understand that phenomenon.

The more you understand human interaction... the more empowered you will become in your situation.

How should I act when I see him? I’m going to be all dressed up and I know after I have a couple drinks it’s going to be hard to not make out with him! But obviously he hasn’t shown any signs of wanting that. Just positive interaction and keep it brief??