Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Just starting! Need some emotional support! #2

They really need to make DR in electronic form. No time to read the book. Not like I can read it during breaks at work!

Good to hear about your son, don't use him to pressure your W (not that you are).

Back off on the pressure. Don't expect that because you got a kiss that you will get one a day later or anything like that.

W has been going to bed early last 2 nights. Right after D about 9:00 to 9:30. Anyone seen this behavior? I did tell her I had training tomorrow and wouldn't be here to help with D.

Thanks ovr, I did back it off. From reading the boards, I knew not to react. And lastly, not using my S. That would just be evil I think.

No, my W's behavior was the opposite. She was staying up until 3-4am. In fact, both times she's had an EA this has been her behavior.

Since we moved to piecing and R, she has consistently come to bed at or close to the same time I do. This is why I know she is not in an active EA. Typically in her EA's she'd stay up almost all night, then sleep during the day while I was at work. All in an effort to hide her behavior.

Sleep pattern changes are usually a telltale sign of something. Has she been uncharacteristically depressed lately?

Steve85,

I haven't noticed any depression. At most a slow down. Her help at work came back from sick leave and her work schedule declined dramatically. Sons school stuff is coming to a head but has slowed down dramatically too. We or they will be traveling almost every weekend for visits the next 2 months. It could possibly be the lack of pursuit by me, the work stress coming down and closure of college choices may be letting her rest or making her depressed because she isn't so busy. Also, she may be ignoring the stress of the R coming to an end too.

I am liking getting more rest but she doesn't like me going to bed before her for some reason. That could be it too. I have no idea.

Today I was super busy at work and wife texts me about daycare in a month. I didn't respond right away. Then text back with a simple we can talk later. Got home and she got home a few minutes later. She says she wanted to see a friends daughters volleyball game. I responded ok, have fun. She said, you're not going? I was hoping we could take D to see a girl sport? It was fun for our D and us since we weren't stressed about our son doing well.

I feel like I should be writing my thoughts since nothing is going on with W really. W and son leave tomorrow for trip out of state for the weekend. Just me and daughter. I haven't been alone with her in a long time. Trying to figure out what we are going to do. It's hot outside and she doesnt like the heat. Movie, mall, & park should only take up half a day! But I guess this is practice for single dad life. Wife is hot and cold. We dont have any physical contact other than a sporadic peck kiss once a week. No talk of R, Divorce or separation. No fighting or anything. With the exception of physical contact, life is OK but I do crave the intimacy, security and love from a relationship. I dont know what is going on.

Gal has been sporadic at best. Not very much alone time other than work and a few minutes before bed. Not even time for garage projects I love so much.

So far this weekend has been pretty busy. I spent some quality time with D and we had a blast. I bought some tools for a couple of side jobs I booked to make about a thousand bucks over the next month.

Tomorrow we have another busy day planned. W texted and called unsolicited regularly over the last 2 days with info about trip. Looks like S is going to commit to this college. Happy and scared for him. Big decision and far far from home. We talked over FaceTime about the pros and cons of the school as well as others. Mixed feelings aboit the news. I figured this was going to be the fork in the road for W and I. The circus will be done as far as school research and traveling.

FIL called me today to discuss sons options and W and I. He wants to help us out financially but only if we work on M. (Her parents are very well off.) He's afraid if he paid off bills for us (her) she will just continue spending and wanted my thoughts. I told him the spending will definitely continue. He hopes the money will take some of the financial stress off W and help the M. I told him to save his money because for him to help, he would have to see what she is spending and what she owes, No way she wants him to know or see how she spends and how much she (we) owe.

I told him I had no idea what she is thinking about M and what her short term or long term goals are about the M. He wanted to know what I thought about our relationship. I just told him we are like roommates who get along. No affection and zero talk about our R. He has offered to pay for counseling and she won't even admit to there being a problem. My MIL is from divorced parents who quickly remarried to spouses with kids then had kids of their own. She was caught in the middle and didn't feel wanted or loved by either family. This came out as a parent and she admits she didn't know how to show love to her children.

She doesn't want our Son to be part of a second failed relationship and our D to be in her first. I get both of thier concerns and appreciate them wanting to help but my W is on her own. Either W doesn't want to face reality, can't afford to face reality or is just buying time. She definitely isn't saving to move out.

From some of the reading I've done in the past, I've read she may have an affair to get me to leave, do something to make me leave so she doesn't have to be the "Bad guy", or wait me out until I leave. Especially since I haven't been reacting to her and starting arguments to justify her leaving.

Something I wanted to ask the group. The last couple of days, I've been reminiscing a lot about better times with W and hoping for them to return. I'm guessing this is part of the rollercoaster and I'm about to take a dive down from these positive thoughts back to reality. Did everyone else go through the negative positive thought rollercoaster?

I’m on that roller coaster but it used to be daily but I think I have it down to a day or two. When my mind starts with those mental issues I have literally built in a mental block that scrambles and blocks the thoughts in my head so I can quickly move to something else. I have to do that so I don’t feel any pain. It’s hard but find a way to make it work. Unfortunately my WW is away with OM every weekend the. I house sep rest of week. I make sure I have plenty set up for the weekend and it is usually when I am not doing anything that I get these thoughts. gAL is tough but it is the solution