I slept on it. Yes I want the marriage to work. I still love her a lot. I know I need to chill out and be stable, consistent, calm cool etc She wants to get to know me again. I’m not sure what to do in regard to seeing each other and communication. I’m not going to pursue her or love bomb her.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Then why on earth are you having convos of divorce? And dating other people?
I really think she brings that stuff up trying to convince herself that's its best. And to temp check you - to see what you will say.
You are talking yourself into a divorce. I get the guys on here are saying that she is using you for money. Maybe she is, but i don't think that's all it is. I know my man still felt connected to me when he was still supporting me while split. I have an idea that you feel that way also.
Give this woman space to figure crap out. Like we have all been saying for the last 4 months.
I really think she brings that stuff up trying to convince herself that's its best. And to temp check you - to see what you will say.
Loves the problem is that Did agreed to pay his W $2100+/month in support in separation through the end of September. If you go back and read his sitch you will see, what is quite obvious to me, that she is trying to keep him attached in order to secure support into perpetuity.
I believe he needs to stop support after Sept (since he agreed to it through then). And see just how serious she is about separation and D. Until then he cannot take anything she says or does at face value due to the voluntary support. (Yes, I know you can never take a WAS at their word and only half of their deeds, but I think Did's sitch is further complicated due to this support). He also has a severe case of NGS, and I haven't seen that he has done a lot to work on that.
Did, to answer your earlier question, yes the legal system says she may be entitled to spousal support due to your circumstances. However, any D lawyer will tell you not to start that support until there is a court order in place to do so. Your mistake was agreeing to this without her going through what she needed to do in order to secure it. Do not do her dirty work for her, make her do it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I will. Thank you for being there during a rough patch.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I will. Thank you for being there during a rough patch.
Did, and I feel for you my friend. This stuff is tough. Knowing what to do. The pain, hurt, anger, frustration, etc can cause you to make decisions you will later regret. Like dating the OW. I am sure you did that to feel better, to feel validated, to feel like you were attractive again. The problem is it isn't right for the reason Loves enumerated.
When your pain, anger and frustration makes you want to do something ask yourself: is it the right thing to do?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm aware of the support. To me it is really irrelevant. Did is A hardcore NGS. she already knows that. Yet, when he backs off she shows serious signs of being upset and temp checking. If it were only about money, I don't think she would do that, but only my opinion.
Again, I asked if HE wants the marriage to work. Divorce busting is changing oneself to make the other have a change of heart and remember who they love.
Focus on yourself. Give her some space. Stop divorce talk. Stop dating. Stop putting end points to the relationship if you don't want an end.
If the money thing is that big of a deal to you, then maybe modify the amount. But don't up and take it all cold turkey.
I'm aware of the support. To me it is really irrelevant. Did is A hardcore NGS. she already knows that. Yet, when he backs off she shows serious signs of being upset and temp checking. If it were only about money, I don't think she would do that, but only my opinion.
You might be right. However, I do not think he will know for sure until he stops support.
Did, I would take the money you are giving her, after September, and hire an attorney. Get legal advice on this. You appealed to the legal system earlier, get an expert to tell you what you are obligated to legally.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Did, you can't imagine how difficult it is to read your posts. If there is a poster child for DB'ing, perhaps Steve or Maika, then you would be just about on the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm not saying that to offend, but to hopefully open your eyes. You are doing all the wrong things, all of the things we advise against. You are applying CONSTANT pressure to your W at a time when you should be removing all pressure. Nearly every conversation is relationship-related and started by you. AND you top it off by going out and dating another woman! NONE OF THIS IS WORKING. You are ruining your chances of recon, and you are NOT growing as a person. Your posts are all over the place swinging from "I want a divorce" to "I want to save my M" on pretty much a daily basis.
Here is my advice- FULL STOP. Quit talking to your W about anything other than kid care. Break it off with the new woman and plan on not dating anyone else for at least 6 months if not a year. Read DR again and get back to basics. Read Sandi's rules every day. Read back through your threads and REALLY READ the comments you're getting from others here. FOLLOW that advice. Focus on fixing you. Stop doing what YOU think is right and follow DB'ing principals.
