Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Newbie: W wants Separation in coming weeks

Go buy a new "Manly" comforter, put it on the bed while she is away...
"I have decided I am no longer going to sleep on the couch" Do not say any more...just listen.....

"I am sorry you feel that way" goes a long way.....



Lot's of people lie. Pretty easy to get a restraining order. "I am scared of him" is all it takes.....just be cautious..some people record these interaction.....

both points taken.

Here's something I left out in original post. Our 14th wedding anniversary is in a week and a half. I assuming there will be no improvement by then.

Do I just ignore it? What to I do for that?

We have all been there. Hopefully you are the rare exception.

The good thing is the therapy....

Listen. Remember every word. Journal it here.

Good time for your 180's.

What would be a 180?

Good point on the 180's. So here's a question for the group. Therapist asked us to talk 5 minutes everyday. So far as you can see from my initial post it's been all R related. I have initiated some of that. This is the only homework we had for the week so I feel like I have to make it happen.

Do I let her initiate convo and then validate. What if she has nothing to say? I'm concerned that this next therapy session goes south because I avoid R convos and it appears that I'm not engaging.

It is typically recommend NOT to talk about the R. Any time I am having issues in my current R, I DO NOT R talk. I do not "pull the rope" ie argue.....Anything but R. Small talk. Humor. lots of listening...validate....flirting...


Yes make it happen.


Then you lead as the man....


Therapy is a safer place to talk R....


Any way you can make the convo "Fun"?

ok Ready2Change....I'll try and make it fun. We used to have a lot of fun. Yesterday she seemed open to just talking, but then it moved to R. I'll keep away from R.

Good boy! She is a cat.... be catnip.

Read this:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2085647#Post2085647

So the weekend was long and had it's ups and downs. Only second weekend since this roller coaster started and first one without extended family visiting. Thursday night we had a conversation that pretty much ended with 'when do we tell our friends we are getting separated'. Friday I spent a good amount of time detaching as best as possible and doing 180's. Went out for drinks with a friend Friday to GAL. When I came home she had been talking to her brother who lives overseas obviously talking about us.

Saturday morning she did something she hasn't done in a while...wore her wedding ring. She was civil and polite. I took D9 and D4 to the park for the day then later my W took D9 to a birthday party in the afternoon. I made dinner and we all ate together. There was more interaction then we've had in weeks. More than the playing married we've been doing in front of the kids. Sunday she took the kids to her brothers for a pool party. It was a bummer that I couldn't go and I know the kids felt it. I spent the time GAL and doing 180's in regards to housework etc. Had another family dinner last night as well.

We sat down to talk after the kids were in bed because our therapists assigned us homework of talking 5 minutes a day. She told me that Friday she connected with her old therapists to get a recommendation for a new therapists near her work. They talked a little and her therapist told her to remember 'the problem isn't either of us, but the problem is the problem.' She then went on to express that she wants to 'give love a chance' for us and the kids, but its really hard.

I know to only believe 50% of this stuff so I keep doing my thing and see where our couples therapy takes us Tuesday. I've got this looming mid September deadline. Our 14th anniversary is in a week....not sure how that's going to affect things.

You or Her? This is R talk....Avoid

The problem is also the interaction. You interacting different, FORCES the interaction to be different. Hard to argue with someone who doesn't argue back. Hard to hate someone who is loving you.

What have you done in the past to celebrate? Did you plan or did she?