Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Clean Slate Pt. 2 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 24)

I have posted about this type of stuff often.
Hiking, Climbing, working out, game nights, Trips with S3, my camping trip, dating, etc.

I have posted about judges decisions, me moving, looking for new jobs, new apartments etc.

Ginger, i honestly think no matter what i posted about you would find a way to dissect it.
Im honestly getting the feeling you enjoy this sense of superiority over me you seem to exhibit.
Why is that?

I can't help but laugh. Sense of superiority over you? You are just about impossible to get through to. Very sad you mistake someone who has been where you are at trying to help you get past the things you are struggling with. You say you want her out of your headspace. Then you give her tons of headspace. Then I help you to get her out of your headspace. Then you interpret that as me getting off on some superiority over you?

This all kind of crazy. Every one of these posters have said what I have said. You pick apart every word she says to you and over analyze it. EVERYONE WHO POSTS TO YOU HAS SAID THIS. and with your recent expression of desire to get her out of your headspace, here I am calling attention to all the power you are giving it and how to help you get it out. for your own good. Because you asked. But instead, this is what you take from it?

maybe you have a problem with women. If they don't say what you want to hear and in the way you prefer to hear it, you think we are against you. Kind of the way you look at all your wife's interactions.

Whatever O. I am done.

Thanks for your input Ginger, i wasnt trying to be crass with my question. I was legitimately curious.

Sorry you are done, i do appreciate your opinions regardless of what you may think of how i digest your advice.

I just get the impression i am "not allowed" to post about any communication with EXW.
If i am wrong in that impression i apologize, its just the reactions i get every time i do.

That being said i have no interest in getting into another disagreement on here, so i respect your decision to "bow out"




I dont agree with this particular analysis but thats fine.

^^^THIS, THIS, A THOUSAND TIMES THIS!!!!!^^^ Orange, DETACH. Stop all the analyzing and armchair psychological examination. Get about the business of building a new life for Orange. Leave her to her mess.

Orange, this is the same passive/ aggressive crap you've been doing since day one, and while it's just mildly annoying to us, it is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY for ORANGE. It will undermine your relationships with everyone in your life. You said you were going to talk to your IC about this, did you?

I see it this way.
I had made the decision to look at things differently.
Then i had a wrench thrown in my spokes, what EXW did threw me off. I came here to discuss it, and was given good advice.

I just dont see why anytime i dont just say "Yes, thats a good idea, thanks!" and choose to have a discussion about the advice given i am seen as "not listening" "impossible to get through to" and so on.

I never come here yelling, calling names, or other abrasive sh*t. People just get mad when I dont blindly agree with them, then eventually when I dont adhere to their exact advice they "Bow out"

So basically I am being slowly forced out of this forum, for not doing exactly what I am told, and for having a mind of my own.
I have been called mentally ill, abusive, passive aggressive, controlling, and mean.
I find this ridiculous, all the while, the horrid infractions of EXW are swept under the rug and treated like normal behavior.
this blows my mind.

Sorry people heal at different rates, from crushing psychological abuse.
My apologies for not healing how and when I am expected to here by the board members,
I know in my mind, i am in so much better of a place than i was 1, 2, 3, and 4 months ago.
Contrary to what you may think, largely due to the advice i have gotten here, and listening to suggested methods from here.
As i have lost the support of posters from not blindly following instruction, like Steve, Ginger, DonH, and others that have gotten frustrated with me not asking "how high" when they say jump.

Since my asking questions about my abusive, adulterous liar of an EX is seen as such a taboo here, (on a divorce forum....) I will keep my posts to only info about developments on my Divorce, and what I am doing with my free time, such as hiking and whatnot, as that is what i have been told is what I am supposed to post about.


AS, as a matter of fact I did.
I even pulled up this forum on her computer in her office.
She has read my entire thread.
Here is what she said. Not verbatim as i wasnt taking notes, but here is the jist of it.
"i find it interesting that this group who claims to be built on support and mutual experience seems to be singling you out. I see other people asking very similar questions and not getting the same aggressive replies you do.
They seem to have lumped you into the same category of other people on the board, but yet i only see the degree of abuse you have experienced on 1 or 2 other threads. So your scenario is considerably different Vanilla seems to be one of the only people that have recognized that. Listen to her, she knows the score."

In regards to my passive aggressiveness,
There seems to be a double standard there AS, as I have received plenty of passive aggressiveness here from other posters, but i let it roll off my back. It amazes me how thin skinned people here have been, and hypocritical to boot.
I read my whole thread start to finish last night, and i dont see my passive aggressiveness come out until after i have been seemingly "Called out" and berated for not gobbling up every single shred of advice thrown at me.
So it seems to me to be a bit of a defense mechanism, which makes sense to me.
I can also never see a point where i was like "No, you are all wrong, im right, F**K you"
So im not sure where this idea that i dont accept advice has come from, as i have either discussed advice or accepted it.
I think the issue lies here; I have this terribly vilified image of my EXW, because of the trauma and pain she has caused me.
I feel like that gets minimized here, i have posted about CPTSD and other side effects of surviving a mentally abusive relationship, and i feel those aspects of my relationship have been largely ignored except by Sandi and Vanilla.
Everyone else seems to look at this like a normal WAW situation, it isnt. Every sitch is different, but i know i have a particularly volatile and aggressive scenario to navigate.
I think a majority of the disagreements here are due to people trying to apply normal WAW tactics to my scenario, and they simply arent applicable with someone as scheming and abusive as EXW.

Oh, and please, stop the "we care and are trying to help, but OK, you are wrong for XYZ reasons"

Its become clear to me people here only care as long as they are being agreed with, when they are not they stop caring and "bow out"
Fairweather fans if ive ever heard it.

Hi O. I´m sorry you are feeling that way...

Just step aside for a little. Ask yourself why we, all perfect strangers, post in everybody sitchs. We are trying to help. You are doing it too. That is the base of the forum. Many times we don´t agree with the things we read here. But, if you read the posts with a possitive mind, we all are trying to protect ourselves. There´s enough sadness here...

Have a nice weekend man

I just dont get why I seem to be the only person that gets pissed on.
2x4's are one thing, but I feel like a pariah here.

Why is that?
Legit question.

Orange.

You remind me of me. When I first started here I tried to take every little advice I was given. It seemed to take me nowhere. So what did I do? I didn't post for a while and did things my own way. As it has been revealed to me later every single little advice I got from here were actually working. When I stopped posting and tried doing things my way everything fell apart. I got the same you are getting, "you're wrong about this and that". The truth is: you darn right are. Don't take these personal. They are ment to wake you up not to f... you up. That's what 2x4's are for. LH used to give 2x4's constantly. So did sandi. I started to take them personally. Even when I came back again I made the biggest mistake and took Steve's 2x4's personally.

The bottom line: no one can be forced to listen to advice given by these people. These people have done miracles in their own lives and others too. They do know what they are talking about. It is up to you whether you suck it up and take notes or lift your finger and do things your way. My personal 2x4 for you is to take option 1.