It was more or less just ending the A though which I now see never addressed any of her underlying issues why the A happened in the first place. I'm trying but I guess the experience will help me make the right decisions this time even though this one seems much worse.
Good to see you learning from your past mistakes. Also, the fact that it wasn't dealt with properly left the door wide open. In the back of her mind she was thinking "wow he took me back really easily that time, if I ever do it again I am sure I can come back just as easily." The future expectation should have been "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!" In other words, if it happens again you are out the door no questions asked.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It has been a while since I have been with my W, but last weekend her AP found out through a mutual friend that we were working on our marriage and that she had been sleeping with me. This enraged the AP and he fought with my W all week but she ended up spending this past weekend together with him then came home almost as if she had found god and was going to clean up her life.
She has basically detached from me since Sunday and went right to her room the last two days with NC. I am continuing my stance and will see how long she lasts.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Remember, the A is like a drug. You already have said that she has an addictive personality (not directly but in so many words) so it will be hard for her to give it up. She will go through withdrawals. Maybe you saw this 10 years ago but watching your W go through the emotions of missing the OM is very difficult to witness.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
D@mn right it's hard, her friends, family everyone knows she has not been the same person since the A began. 10 years ago I shook her so hard it seemed easy to break her free but this one is harder. The AP was actually her dealer at first and made contact more convenient and he is is a bad marriage as well but won't leave. I'm hoping the police or something else will get her as I expect her to relapse at some point.
All I can do is keep doing me and taking care of my kids, it's hard but her not wanting to be around is making it easier. I know she has issues resisting me and that is why she is staying away completely. My therapist said I need to 100% avoid when she is in emotional distress. When do you determine when to accept them?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Current situation, girlfriend informed OM that WW was working on her marriage and that ensued a fight between WW and OM but led to a weekend together this past to make up. I can only assume he put pressure on her to NC me. Since Sunday only two words spoken other than brief texts and have not physically seen M or Tu. I still have some financial things that need to be squared away that will continue to pressure on her money situation, should I pursue which will piss her off? I have totally detached and the kids have somewhat too since they are older and tired of her games.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
you have to give her time and space. Unfortunately what happens between OM and WW are between them. Nothing you do will help your sitch. Doing nothing is all you can do. Continue to detach. Let her go to get her back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
There are still financial situations that I am dealing with, how should I approach with W? Do I initiate conversation on those? Her name is on kids cell phones as well as mine and I am paying for the three of us as she has separated her bill. I want to transfer kids phones to me and will pay monthly lease on hardware but she is trying to get me to transfer my phone which I no longer need since I have a work phone. This will create a fight, and want to stick her with the remaining 2 years of payments on my phone.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I'll try, bill is $250/month and I can knock it down to $150. I am already paying all of household bills, but she has crazy CC, collection, car lease bills on top of 401K loan paybacks. It will definitely be a fight, but you really think I let it go another month?
She has shown no financial responsibility and I would think me paying for 2 kids phones is a good deal considering I can get them 2 new phones and she would have to pay for 3 since the leases are 2+ years long.
Just not sure, she is in a new mode since this weekend and feels in control. Would like to get this resolved while her head is so far out of it.
Last edited by lost8; 08/22/1806:47 PM.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I'll try, bill is $250/month and I can knock it down to $150. I am already paying all of household bills, but she has crazy CC, collection, car lease bills on top of 401K loan paybacks. It will definitely be a fight, but you really think I let it go another month?
She has shown no financial responsibility and I would think me paying for 2 kids phones is a good deal considering I can get them 2 new phones and she would have to pay for 3 since the leases are 2+ years long.
Just not sure, she is in a new mode since this weekend and feels in control. Would like to get this resolved while her head is so far out of it.
I am missing the issue here. Other than the $100/month. I don't know your financial sitch, but you do. If the $100/month is going to make or break you then go ahead and do it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
