T, you are not obligated to respond to her. No matter what she said. The text exchange you sent earlier was hardly communication. I don't think she meant texting about her FB unfriendings was what she meant by #1 problem in our M was communication.
Your impulses are going to ruin you. I can tell you are a very impulsive person. You have to try to get control of that. Even in the filing for D. Are you just doing her dirty work for her? Is there any part of you that thinks maybe she is acting in this way hoping you'll get fed up and do the dirty work?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
T, you are not obligated to respond to her. No matter what she said. The text exchange you sent earlier was hardly communication. I don't think she meant texting about her FB unfriendings was what she meant by #1 problem in our M was communication.
Your impulses are going to ruin you. I can tell you are a very impulsive person. You have to try to get control of that. Even in the filing for D. Are you just doing her dirty work for her? Is there any part of you that thinks maybe she is acting in this way hoping you'll get fed up and do the dirty work?
Trust me, I know you're right. No, her communication comment the other night was in regards to this whole new sitch erupting, and rather than talking about it, I left to go to a friends.
As for filing, yeah, as of a few days ago i wouldn't even have considered filing. if she wants the D, she can do the dirty work. But after discovering the EA, lies, etc, i kinda felt backed into a corner of needing to take action. I mean, what kind of idiot loser would I be to not take action right? (at least that's what went on in my head).
I know there's no timeline about WAW/WW's snapping out of the fog. And I know that she's still in it, and is a mental mess right now, since her whole world is crashing down around her. But at the very least I think she finally has started to see how her actions have damaged not only me, but her closest friends. I don't think she accepts total blame for it yet though, but maybe it's a start.
So again, just maintain silence tonight? If she asks if i filed, just say 'no'?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T, you are not obligated to respond to her. No matter what she said. The text exchange you sent earlier was hardly communication. I don't think she meant texting about her FB unfriendings was what she meant by #1 problem in our M was communication.
Your impulses are going to ruin you. I can tell you are a very impulsive person. You have to try to get control of that. Even in the filing for D. Are you just doing her dirty work for her? Is there any part of you that thinks maybe she is acting in this way hoping you'll get fed up and do the dirty work?
Trust me, I know you're right. No, her communication comment the other night was in regards to this whole new sitch erupting, and rather than talking about it, I left to go to a friends.
As for filing, yeah, as of a few days ago i wouldn't even have considered filing. if she wants the D, she can do the dirty work. But after discovering the EA, lies, etc, i kinda felt backed into a corner of needing to take action. I mean, what kind of idiot loser would I be to not take action right? (at least that's what went on in my head).
I know there's no timeline about WAW/WW's snapping out of the fog. And I know that she's still in it, and is a mental mess right now, since her whole world is crashing down around her. But at the very least I think she finally has started to see how her actions have damaged not only me, but her closest friends. I don't think she accepts total blame for it yet though, but maybe it's a start.
So again, just maintain silence tonight? If she asks if i filed, just say 'no'?
That is correct. Yes or no answers to yes or no questions.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
T, you are not obligated to respond to her. No matter what she said. The text exchange you sent earlier was hardly communication. I don't think she meant texting about her FB unfriendings was what she meant by #1 problem in our M was communication.
Your impulses are going to ruin you. I can tell you are a very impulsive person. You have to try to get control of that. Even in the filing for D. Are you just doing her dirty work for her? Is there any part of you that thinks maybe she is acting in this way hoping you'll get fed up and do the dirty work?
Trust me, I know you're right. No, her communication comment the other night was in regards to this whole new sitch erupting, and rather than talking about it, I left to go to a friends.
As for filing, yeah, as of a few days ago i wouldn't even have considered filing. if she wants the D, she can do the dirty work. But after discovering the EA, lies, etc, i kinda felt backed into a corner of needing to take action. I mean, what kind of idiot loser would I be to not take action right? (at least that's what went on in my head).
I know there's no timeline about WAW/WW's snapping out of the fog. And I know that she's still in it, and is a mental mess right now, since her whole world is crashing down around her. But at the very least I think she finally has started to see how her actions have damaged not only me, but her closest friends. I don't think she accepts total blame for it yet though, but maybe it's a start.
So again, just maintain silence tonight? If she asks if i filed, just say 'no'?
That is correct. Yes or no answers to yes or no questions.
Thanks. And if she pushes further asking why not, etc? Obviously I'd like to say "You've been wanting this, why am I doing the legwork?" But I guess i could say 'i didn't have time'.
And yes, I have thought briefly that maybe her running amok the last few weeks was a way to indirectly get me to file. maybe not even file, but to get me out of the mindset of wanting to save the M.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I don't know that getting you out of the mindset of wanting to save the marriage is a bad thing. I have found it freeing to not be focused on saving my marriage. The sitch still [censored] and there are still waves of emotions, but it feels like a mental load has been removed. Really, she has to be the one who wants to save the marriage at some point in the future. We need to get to a place where we can take it or leave it.
As far as your question I would just tell her "because I didn't." Don't lie, just shut it down. She has no right to demand answers from you.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I don't know that getting you out of the mindset of wanting to save the marriage is a bad thing. I have found it freeing to not be focused on saving my marriage. The sitch still [censored] and there are still waves of emotions, but it feels like a mental load has been removed. Really, she has to be the one who wants to save the marriage at some point in the future. We need to get to a place where we can take it or leave it.
As far as your question I would just tell her "because I didn't." Don't lie, just shut it down. She has no right to demand answers from you.
Thanks. you make a good point. And I thought I was DBing pretty well, and actually quite optimistic that I'd be fine whichever way things went. Of course, then I found out about the EA. lol. Everything went back to hell again with my emotions.
Anyway, she didn't ask any questions. She just asked how I was, and I said fine. I gotta be honest, she was texting away on her phone, and naturally I immediately thought it was with OM. She said she is planning on taking son out of state to her sisters this weekend to visit. She again apologized for her recent actions, and still maintains it's 'completely done' with OM and she doesn't 'have the energy' to entertain anything like that now. I told her 'that's good, cause I will not be disrespected in this house, and if it continued she would have to leave.'
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Not much to update with W. Things have been quiet/civil. For some unknown reason she did send me a facebook friend request yesterday (after she unfriended me the day before), which I found a little comical
On the unhealthy side of things, my weight is down 21 lbs in 3 1/2 weeks, and I don't think I've slept more than 3 hours per night since last friday. In the evenings I'm usually too tired to do much of anything. Friends have been calling and asking to go out for a drink, dinner, etc. I've gone a few times, but I turn them down a lot because I just don't feel like talking about this stuff. It's bad enough I think about it nonstop, I dont need to discuss it constantly too (except for here of course, lol). Plus, I feel guilty about going out and leaving our son. I've always been his 'playmate', not the wife, so when i'm gone he's bored out of his mind.
I know a key word in everything is 'patience', which is something I've lacked my whole life. I just don't understand how people sit in a state of limbo for so long. It's driving me crazy, despite all my best GAL efforts (again, would be much easier if we didn't have a kid I think).
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
As I've told other posters, the posters that struggle the most here are the ones that put the least emphasis on GAL. One poster that has always struggled mightily, when I asked last week what his GAL plans were for that night, responded "be bored out of my mind....."
Very dangerous. Go out with friends, but ask them NOT to talk about the sitch. The fact that you think about it all the time means you aren't concentrating on other things, and trying to get your mind off of it. Find ways to stay busy! I don't care if its as simple as cleaning out the gutters, you have to be busy in order to move forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As I've told other posters, the posters that struggle the most here are the ones that put the least emphasis on GAL. One poster that has always struggled mightily, when I asked last week what his GAL plans were for that night, responded "be bored out of my mind....."
Very dangerous. Go out with friends, but ask them NOT to talk about the sitch. The fact that you think about it all the time means you aren't concentrating on other things, and trying to get your mind off of it. Find ways to stay busy! I don't care if its as simple as cleaning out the gutters, you have to be busy in order to move forward.
Ya, it was easier to put it out of my mind when I was sure I wanted to save the M. I kinda made my peace with whatever would happen. Now that I'm on the fence, I keep thinking about it. Stuff like, even if the unlikely event happens that she says she wants to work on us, I'd need various reasons/assurances to consider it. I know I shouldn't even entertain thoughts like that, but like I said, it's near impossible not to keep running all these scenarios through my head.
I won't really see her for a while now. I have a baseball game tonight, and she'll probably be asleep when I get home. Then her and son are going to her sisters out of state until Sunday. Trust me, I won't just sit around with my thoughts. Her sister knows at least some of what's going on, and she's contemplating divorcing her H too. Could be a weekend of man-bashing. lol
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I just received my Divorce Remedy book! I'm on about page 70, and it's great.
Question though. If I'm to be detaching from my WW, should I even be reading this book? Seriously, so far it's all about how M's can be saved. If I decide I want my M saved, is this book going to give me false hope, soften my detaching, etc? Hell, if anyone should be reading it it's the wife right? Not that I'd give it to her.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
