Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WW-is there hope? Any advise from former WW's

Steve,
That's what I was thinking as well. I really don't have plans and just wanted to make it difficult. But then again its about getting the kids and I wouldnt turn that down ever. I think she would find a way regardless.

I was just seeing if it was me being too nit picky and maybe I should just let it go and take them. Or was I feeding her cake etc. Know what I mean?

Journaling

Today is another day. My days used to go by very very fast. Now they go by so very very slow. My brain is exhausted by noon most of the time. I try so hard to stay busy but the motivation is 1/2 of what it used to be. By the time it get done with work I don't feel like GAL. Sometimes when kids are with W, I can't wait to get home to pass the time. Nights are easier for some reason. Mornings are brutal.

So Ive been following the 37 rules and acting like I'm GAL. Just in a few days the W has called mainly about the kids etc. Like the post above says, She called wanting to know if I was okay with the schedule next week. I told her I would let her know tonight. So I just let her know its okay to drop the kids off on Wed. She is being very pleasant and nice, but not in a married with kids way...more of a nice "like I'm one of the customers at the grocery store she works at. She's treating me like a customer. So I asked if she could help out on the Cell phone bill and the insurance this month. She said sure no problem. She did mention I needed to go in to the cell phone comp to see about getting my own plan. I ended the conversation.

So, I am detaching and GAL when I feel like it. I try not to think about what, where or who she is with. I used to try to know where she was all the time. I was hanging on for dear life. I feel like I am finally letting her go to see what life is like in her new found feelings. Its hurting me more than she will ever know.

Ive brought this up on other people's threads. PART OF ME WANTS ALL OF THIS---Why do I want her world to crumble? Why do I want her to fall on her face? I tell her on want her to be happy, but I really want her to be unhappy with out me. Its selfish isn't it? But I want her to feel the fire Ive been feeling for 3 months now.
Ive got a few friends and one lady I talked to told me this. You need to step way way back. Let her go do what she wants to do. Let her have all the freedoms. And then one day she will have deep deep regrets. I think she was talking about herself one time.

I don't mind being nice and loving my W from a distance. Its so unnatural to do opposite of what you would normally do.

I feel like the M is dead and the old life/wife is dead. Im dealing with a diff person now. I have to act different, talk different. Its like I'm trying to get to know a girl from high school. She has no interest in me...lol.
Anyways, hope all is well for the rest of you, I will continue my battle. Thanks for any reply.

Lane

STILL DETACH MODE

I haven't heard from anyone for a while. I hope everyone is still kicking.
So detach may or may not be paying off. I can't tell. However the WW is texting me more about kids more often. What does that mean?? nothing ? or do you think she's reaching out a little. Her texts today went like this.

W--S6 is excited for you to take him swimming this evening, what time will you be back 10?

ME-No it ends at 8, I will have him back to you by 9.

W-Okay sounds good. Did you want him to stay night with you ? to spend time before we leave on Sat afternoon. I am good either way. I have no plans. Was just asking.

ME- yeah that would be nice.

W- okay, I will drop him off with D15 when I go to work today. And I will pick them both up tomorrow around 1:30.

ME- okay, sounds good

W- I can get them earlier if you need me to I just have an appt tmrw before I head out. Okay Have fun tonight.

Me- you can pick them up when you're ready..and yeah thx we'll have fun.

W okay Thanks

So, I know its simple talk and no big deal. But does anyone see anything I don't? For someone wanting a D?

Let me know your thoughts...Im detaching like a mofo...and GAL

If you were successfully detaching, you wouldn't be analyzing a simple text exchange for signs to how your wife is thinking about the divorce.

It's an exchange between two parents who are behaving like mature adults. It was nice of her to offer you some extra time.

Don't read anything else into it.

I wouldnt read into it. Just keep detaching Lane. Ill put it like this, my wife was texting me about my S the other day. There was probably more content in those texts then we have had in a long time. She also texted a few things that she had done that morning on her own. All very friendly convo. Come to find out, she left out the most important details, she also filed for D while she was being so chatty that morning. I shouldnt be surprised, but every move they make is heartless.

All I can say is keep detaching. Be pleasant when you are around/talking with her. Most importanly keep working on yourself and become the best Lane you can be, but do it for you so it sticks no matter the outcome.

Hi Rose, thanks for the reply. Im obviously a new guy and so detach has been a new process. And a slow one. I think I'm detaching when I don't go out of my way to reach out or communicate with WW.

equalzr...been thinking about you. Thanks for the reply. I hope your having a better day.

I totally know that I shouldn't ever get my hopes high....ever.

Everyday I have to convince myself I need to take care of me and the kids no matter what comes of this. And that its a marathon.
W will take kids and meet up with other kids tomorrow for a while...till next Wed. So I will have a nice weekend and try to get out a do things. School starts in a couple weeks and things will changing again. W left the week school let out.
This has been the worst summer of my life. Next week would have been the week I would take off and spend with our families camping. Not this year...Ive been trying not to think about it but it creeps in my mind along with all the other negative thoughts. Got to stay positive.

It’s hard Lane, but it’s what you have to do. Be there for you kids, take your time to enjoy them. As everybody wrote, try to stop the mind reading for every sentence of your dialogues. Detach and GAL.

You can do it man, keep DB!

thanks Neffer..I know its me still grasping on to anything still!!! ugh

Today my WW came to pick up the D15 and S6 to leave town for a few days. She looks like a totally different person.
She has new hair style, all new clothes. This 38 WW looks 25 now. I get to stand there and pretend like I'm not even interested in any of that. I just said okay guys " have fun and drive safe" and off they went. So it [censored] not being able to load up and go with them. She's looking all good now. Why does life have to throw you down so hard.

So she went to a class a week and 1/2 ago to help fill out paper work for D. I actually expected her to give them to me by now. But hasn't. Not sure whats going on, probably still in the works.

For now I am going to "let it be". Let her go enjoy her new feelings and new life I guess. I keep being told she is living a fantasy and it will eventually come to an end some day. They say she is living on her scattered emotions. Some days its hard for me to believe this. Ive also been told that it will take something big to break her out of the "fog".

I know I am a good person, great father and at one time a decent husband. I know my best chances are to step back and let her have complete freedoms. I thought she already had that when we were together. I never told her no when she wanted to go hang out with friends etc. I just didn't realize she was getting sucked into a whole different way of life that must seem way more exciting than being a W to me right now.
Like Sandi said...and I say the same thing. I would have bet my life she wouldn't have done this. I bet my W would have bet her life she wouldn't have done this either. But now she is sucked in and going down a wayward path. Nothing is right about it at all. I went swimming with 2 of my kids last night where we used to go as a family. Now I look around at other families saying to myself.."yep that was me last year" Now Im just a heartbroken SOB wishing I had it all back.

Say a prayer for me and my family please.

I can relate to the family outing experience. I get a little overwhelmed when i see families out and about enjoying life together. There is something so innocent about it, and i hate to lose it with my family. They truly are my world. My wife is also obsessed with her looks/clothing lately. Dont get me wrong shes always been a beautiful woman who looks at least 10 years younger than her age, but shes obsessed with dressing and looking that age which seems pretty common after reading sround these forums.

I too was a good(not great/perfect) husband who wasnt without some faults, but i dont think it has to do with us necessarily. Yes we need to be better versions of us for ourselves, but i think these WW were headed down this path regardless. I know that my W doesnt really seem interested in being a house wife at all. Sadly the issues in our marriage were not unfixable, and every counselor, pastor, or person weve talked to said they were smaller issues that can be fixed if we WANT to. Problem was i was the only one who wanted to.

What really [censored] is that it is true that it takes two to make a marriage work but only one to end a marriage. At this point we can only work on ourselves and be great fathers. Its not like we have any other choice, we cant control them.

I definitely have you in my prayers Lane. God has a plan for us even if its not the one we want so badly. We just have to keep reminding ourselves of that.

Great post equalzr! Feeling the exact same things in my sitch.

Prayers to all of us who’ve had our families torn apart...