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Did Offline OP
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Or just why, you interested?

Maybe yea I am. Then wait a few min and say I’m dating myself focused on leveling up and being happy loving myself so I’m able to have a great relationship or marriage.

Looking for suggestions.

Last edited by Did; 08/07/18 02:54 PM.

H: 33 W:32
M: 5 T: 8
D: 4
BD: 6/2017
MO: 6/2017
House sold: 6/28/18
W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18
Paying $ support since 7/18.
Physical Reconnect- 10/18
W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
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Either don't answer.

Or, respond with something like "That is a question I would feel obligated to answer if you were committed to being my W long-term."

This is dangerous territory so tread lightly. Wait until you get other's feedback before responding.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Did Offline OP
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Are you dating someone

Ha interested are we?

Take that as a yes

Why would you take that as a yes.

Because you didn't say no

I definitely didn't say yes either

Honestly that's something I'd want to discuss if you're committed to being my wife long term. To ease your mind Im dating myself. I'm happy with the changes and progress I've made. We have enough baggage between us. I think wed need to decide which way we're going before I could have a good relationship. As history has proven with dating previously.


How could I commit to being your wife without even getting to know who you are today

I don't even want to commit to myself

Guesss there's no such thing as a yes or no question anymore


H: 33 W:32
M: 5 T: 8
D: 4
BD: 6/2017
MO: 6/2017
House sold: 6/28/18
W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18
Paying $ support since 7/18.
Physical Reconnect- 10/18
W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 575
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Did Offline OP
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I want to say something like why would I be interested in talking to someone who isn’t committed to themselves? If you commit to yourself and our marriage and our family is a priority then Im open to these discussions.

Suggestions?


H: 33 W:32
M: 5 T: 8
D: 4
BD: 6/2017
MO: 6/2017
House sold: 6/28/18
W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18
Paying $ support since 7/18.
Physical Reconnect- 10/18
W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 231
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IGNORE IT.

If she ask about it later just avoid it.

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DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

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Originally Posted by Did
I want to say something like why would I be interested in talking to someone who isn’t committed to themselves? If you commit to yourself and our marriage and our family is a priority then Im open to these discussions.

Suggestions?


Read the validation thread. I think this has gone a little longer than it should. I would end with a validating statement and move on.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 231
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If you say anything at all. Do yourself a favor and just say no. No explaining. Just a no.

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Did,

just check out my thread brother. She's off and running again!

Don't say she had a "rough night", that's passive aggressive.

Don't respond to the dating question/text either. If she asks again, ignore it. There's a way for her to insure you aren't, she knows what it is - I guarantee you.

Don't get passive aggressive and don't lie about dating.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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W said - You seem detached lately or idk different and I just wasn't sure and was afraid to ask or find out somewhere else so I just asked instead of making assumptions... meaning she isn’t afraid I’m dating someone. What I don’t get is then why doesn’t she make make an effort to date me?

She also said that D3 wants to celebrate birthday with both of us. Which is probably becaue D3 has a great time w me. She never asks for her mom to join us when I have her.

We texted way too much today. She said our perspectives are way different. All by text so I’m not sure what she means exactly. Probably because I have a stable income and I’m basically like you can get on board or not but I’m going to be fine either way. I’m going to the beach and Hawaii and excited about a new job. I want to live life have fun and do my thing I know what we could have together. And I wouldn’t love her to come with me on the journey. But she is anxious scared has no job and basically a mess with a pretty sexy shell. She’s in great shape and is a great mom and is smart and has a great skill set in things I’m not as good at. We make a great team but she’s gotta jump on or not.

She wants coparenting either way together or not. I said I don’t want to hang out and do breakfast together unless you’re committed to working on our marriage. I’m not a gay friend. She wants time to get to know me again. I think that time shouldn’t be around D3 but should be just the two of us.

My mind works fast sometimes too fast which leads to inconsistency. But I’m feeling more detached than just a few days ago. I just have to make sure I have things to look forward to consistently.

I guess keep pulling away be less available and see if she takes the reigns and pursues me. That’s not her personality she’s more submissive and shy.

Thanks all for the advice.


H: 33 W:32
M: 5 T: 8
D: 4
BD: 6/2017
MO: 6/2017
House sold: 6/28/18
W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18
Paying $ support since 7/18.
Physical Reconnect- 10/18
W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
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