(I said according to google because his OkC profile said 59 but I assumed that he was older since people who list their age ending in 9 are usually trying to sneak into a lower age group to get more notice. So google says he's actually 64. About what I would have guessed. )
No I haven't, but since I learned to play the drums I feel about 22! I'll check her out.
And no knock on CMM's age, he's slim and fit and being black, looks younger too. Although I've mostly dated younger I don't object to a guy who's a little older than me IF he's in good physical health - that is, don't want a guy who's going to drop dead on me in a couple of years. Longevity runs in my family and I'd prefer a guy who'll be around to help me enjoy that if possible.
Yes! I took up the drums when my ex left and it was the best possible therapy!
Probably the oldest age difference was a man I dated in my twenties who was 8 or 10 years older. Most men I dated then were my age or 2-3 years older. My ex was 4 years younger. Since my divorce, my first date was two years older but most were in the range of 7-10 years younger (plus a couple inappropriately younger). 5-10 years younger at my age works well - after all, I'll still likely outlive them, and with any luck we'll be sexually compatible. Men older than me are a little riskier in terms of sexual function, something that still matters to me. CMM seems randy enough though, if we get to that point I'll see how things go.
So far there are only two things - ok three - concerning me about CMM. The kinds of things you just need to find out more information about.
1 is his financial picture. I don't really know what it looks like, my fear is that despite his good earning history that he and his ex also had a bad spending history and that after the recession and the divorce he may be pretty broke. Then again, for all I know he could still have good savings and just be in transition. I know that he was in a townhouse after his divorce but had to move because after his knee surgery stairs weren't a good idea - what I don't know is if that was a rental too or if he bought the townhouse after his divorce and then had to convert it to a rental cuz he couldn't live there? At least he seems to have enough money to be taking me out to dinner again tonight. (he and his wife raised their kids in a fairly nice part of town and lived there for some time so if they didn't have equity out of the sale of their home it was likely due to refinancing OR having to sell during the downturn.)
2 - he initiated his divorce and his kids are mad at him AND his ex. This worries me even though his version of their marriage makes me think he was justified in leaving - still we know WASs can spin tales. Maybe he was difficult to live with (see number 3 below). Still, when I made a joke with him about the black dude in my bed (my son's 3 month old all black kitten) it evolved into him saying he just couldn't date more than one person at a time - reassuring comment.
3 - possible OCD. He's currently living in an apartment with a roommate and he was complaining that she doesn't keep the kitchen clean enough. Now maybe she's a total slob - but maybe he's an OCD clean freak, in which case I'm not a good fit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a slob or a hoarder, and the cleaning lady comes every two weeks, but I'm not an impeccable neatnik either and wouldn't be a good match for one. And if he is OCD then his story about cooking meals for the family and leaving them in the freezer when he was gone on business trips because his wife didn't cook could actually be a control issue rather than a good father issue - hard to tell.
I think all three things are things you need to be concerned about - except perhaps the money. If he's not going to leech off you, does it matter if he has any or not? Or are you hoping to find somebody you can go halves with for large purchases, like a house or a boat?
Anybody who initiates a divorce needs close inspection IMHO. I will never again take a 'she was so mean to me' sob story at face value. I think we'd all agree that revisionism is the hallmark of many a WAS or MLCer.
OCD - hmmm that one can be a huge problem or quite a useful trait. Combined with control freakiness or passive aggression that would be a red flag for me. If it is quietly held with no expectations of being pandered to, I don't think it is a problem at all. Quite the reverse in fact
2 - he initiated his divorce and his kids are mad at him AND his ex. This worries me even though his version of their marriage makes me think he was justified in leaving still we know WASs can spin tales. Maybe he was difficult to live with (see number 3 below). Still, when I made a joke with him about the black dude in my bed (my son's 3 month old all black kitten) it evolved into him saying he just couldnt date more than one person at a time - reassuring comment.
Being that this is the divorce busting site , I think I would agree with devvo, this could be a concern.
Although maybe she was cheating on him and that was his boundary.
For me I would need a lot more info, I do not believe many people learn anything from getting divorced.
Although maybe she was cheating on him and that was his boundary.
For me I would need a lot more info, I do not believe many people learn anything from getting divorced.
Jumping in with a quick question...do you mean people in general? Or those that are WAS? Or those that initiate Ds?
Just curious
I am not actually sure of your question but to be more specific.
I would think most people in general do not come to DB or learn anything at all.
WAS would be included in the above, although my ex did stalk me here and I am sure she learned absolutely nothing other than what she could use to her advantage in our divorce proceedings.
I know people that have initiated divorces here from DB because they gave their WAS ultimatums, stop cheating or we will get divorced. FTR they are quite happy that they did this many years later their spouses are still deep in crisis and they have recovered and are living full happy lives.
If that does not answer your question then please continue to discuss.
