Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Detaching / Dbing... Can I get to Piecing?

Thanks sandi the details and reasoning really helps. I will commit to it and see how it goes

Just dropped off D3. W seemed so surprised that I left quickly. Texted me that she had food for me after I left. Then called me asking about D3 chewing necklace. I was on the phone so did not answer. Texted her saying I was on the phone and if she ordered a new one I could pay for it.

She texted saying she could feel my energy, tense.

I said - Not tense maybe walled up. I just wanted to get out of there.

She asked why? I have not answered. But may just say busy.

I hate these games... advice?

Let her chase you like Sandi says... don't pursue. Be nice but don't be so readily available. I would let her know you are busy and maybe get back with her later...but then don't. She is wondering now. Keep it that way for a while. You're in a great position. Don't act worried or walled up. Just act like your GAL. Cause you are.

How about every now and then a text like I hope you and D3 have a great day? Being positive? Support has always been really important to W. Unconditional support especially she never had from her family...

Maybe this is just me projecting what I want or think she should want. For the most part DB and the advice on here is doing the opposite of what I think I should do.

Last contact was yesterday 4pm- we discussed schedule. She thanked me for trying to confirm schedule in advance which is difficult with my job.... I said you're welcome and have a nice day... then she her and D3 were going to the Library. I have not responded.

No need to tell her "just wanted to get out of there." And DO NOT say "just walked up". That is still letting her know that she gets to you, bothers you. No need to tell her that anymore. Remember, you are GALing and setting new goals. Telling her that you are "walled up" almost makes it sound as you are still upset with her. If she asked just say "I had some stuff to do".

And no, don't text her have a nice day. Seriously. You see progress to what people are telling you. Don't foul it up by texting. You will kick yourself later if you do.

Did, in your sitch I would really consider LRT. You do not EVER want to initiate contact. Let her do it. When she has requests of your time, you are too busy. Logistics about D3 IS ALL YOU DISCUSS WITH HER. I'd even drop the niceties. No need to respond to her thanking you. Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy?

Did, you can not nice her back. WAWs and WWs especially like to walk all over their nice guy estranged Hs. Don't be that guy. She texts you about something informational, read it and do not respond. When she specifically asks a question, answer it in as few words as possible. When you are around her you are present, upbeat, pleased, but not overly talkative. You answer her again with as few words as possible. You treat her like the cashier at the store. Polite, but not overly engaged.

You should read the detachment thread again.

An hour later: "Thank you but I already had plans."



Good! But no need for the followup text.





Quit playing them. Here's the deal- you have a busy, full life. You don't have time for her petty crap. If she wants to text you over silly things, DON'T REPLY. Just reply if it's related to coordination regarding D (not the silly necklace thing, but if she's trying to coordinate school needs or homework or whatever with you).

Thanks Steve- I will do LRT. Already there for the most part anyway. I will re-read detachment thread. Yes I have read NMMNG and started reading it again... still a work in progress. Getting better though.

Loves- Thanks for the insight. I will continue as is... but no I am not seeing any progress between her and I. Just detachment and likely divorce.

Did, unless you had a DB coach saying otherwise, I would not text her those things.

I think you are trying too hard and she can see right through it!

Ummmmm. Hello. The progressi was referring to was her noticing you backing off. That means progress. She's texting and calling bc she's wondering what is going on. PROGRESS.

Keep it short with her, and watch what happens.