Lol G - ok I will try your experiment and report back and you gave me a reality check. The girls can’t leave our town but the ew and I can move wherever we want but if I move 30 miles away and it is my week to have them I will be driving 60 miles every day to get them to school and pick them up. Hope that makes sense.
I agree I will need to expand........ew has it in her genes she was also vegan for 12 years so that helped. Has put on some weight since she started eating meet again, etc. My dad told me I was a lucky man I guess now I know why
I will ask her out for a second date.....even though we didn’t kiss she did say she had fun.
I agree with expanding your horizons. I was once like your ex - 5'6" 118 lbs actually underweight. Now in my 60's I weigh considerably more. Personally I think about 140-150 looks best on my frame and I'd like to get back down to that.
But what's interesting is that as I gained weight, I may have become less attractive to my weight-nazi ex husband (who could not enjoy food much) but much MORE attractive to men of color, who apparently didn't find my skinny underweight 20-something self nearly as attractive. It's been a revelation to be adored for my curves by every partner since my ex. Apparently there's something to be said for nice boobs and a great rear view. And I've discovered the true reason why men like to let a woman walk ahead of them
And like Ginger, I'd rather have a guy with a somewhat imperfect body who can enjoy life, than my fit surfer ex who couldn't enjoy a bowl of ice cream once in a while.
And btw why the heck were you picking her up at her house??? A first online meeting should involve both of you meeting there. Then if it's awkward you don't have an uncomfortable drive and she doesn't have to worry some crazy guy knows her home address.
I did it because we are in the same circle of friends.....normally I wouldn’t have even considered it. I said we could meet or I could pick her up whatever she was comfortable with. She said pick up was fine but due to our mutual friends, attending the same church, etc.
Maybe I am downplaying my feelings....I am thinking about her and am obviously torn which means that I do have some interest. I just didn’t walk away with that excitement and that butterfly feeling. TBH I didn’t feel that way with the other two dates though either.
Ok well I asked her out and she said she had a lot of fun and her kids would be out of town this weekend so she would probably be able to find some time. So it looks like it will we have date number 2 in a week. I am going to try really hard to remain open, be flexible and give an opportunity for the attraction to build.
I have to say at 5 4 and a UK size 10 US 6 to 8, I look larger because my frame is so tiny. Not carrying a lot of extra weight and I work out a lot. I am 126 lbs but would look better at 120 lbs. After that the face goes gaunt.
It's my body type.
I am healthy now with 23% body fat, so mid range.
I wouldn't fit your definition of petite or skinny, not many women would at an older age. And generally a bit of shape can be gorgeous in later years. It's a compromise between face and body.
It can Change too, 3 years ago 30 lbs heavier as a result of ill health, and who knows what would happen in menopause to exW!
It's health that truly counts and that is mental health too. If NG isnt your type after a couple of dates then she isnt. You learned something important, but she isn't a substitute or clone she is her own person.
I like Ginger idea in exploring your type, moving beyond the familiar comfort zone.
You might be surprised.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Let me throw in my two cents here. I also defiantly have a type - although I really didn't think so until it was pointed out. Thing is my type has shifted over the years but what hasn't is how the person in the inside effects it. The first of the two longer term Rs since my D was not at all my type. In fact the first time I met her I spent the time I did with her to try to get closer to her friend who was totally my type. A year later I saw her for her and it was really her actions towards me and interest in me that helped it to happen. The fact that she was larger than most anyone I had dated didn't end up mattering. I also came to find out that her friend, while looking totally like I go for, was not a nice person nor would I have dated her. You just never know.
I think you'll find that if she checks your other boxes, the looks won't matter near as much. It really does become a package deal. I have to wonder if this woman is not sparking other things beyond the looks and that's why you notice the looks as much. For example her lacking confidence.
Ginger is really hitting it on the head too. To find a size 2 who is 45 and in really good shape is just not common. And then I'm going to burst another bubble for you, even if they do, now, menopause is not going to be all too far down the road and that will often really change things. True, it's more at about 50 for that but wow, it really throws a lot of things out the door - at least it can. That's why the person inside is so much more important.
It's only the third woman you've gone out with but you still seem to be trying soooooo hard at this. You're even thinking ahead to moving in together - really, after the first date? I'm not saying you are considering them actually moving in but you are making it a factor. Would that not be a year at least down the road until it's a factor? I really think you are overthinking so much of this. As someone who is picky as heck, I can tell you when it falls into place you don't have to think about it near as much. You'll like her so much, find her so funny and smart and fun that you will barely notice her loose butt. And if that's not the case.... Well then perhaps you need to look at why. You really have to try to relax more at this. I think you had it in your head that there were all of these women OLD and they will most all look like their photos, most all be stable and really ready for an R. Almost like looking online for a used car. If only it were even remotely close to that. More than not, all OLD is a way to get casually introduced to more people in less time. Otherwise, as you are starting to find out, it's not nearly what it's cracked up to be. Then as we've both reported ourselves, G and I have both done better offline. I've not even been OLD for several years so I'd have to be doing better but even factored in, I've done way better offline - and not just recently. I'm not suggesting you stop trying OLD, just that you significantly alter your expectations.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
You might find you like a little junk in the trunk!
You are putting too much pressure on this instant attraction and wanting to kiss the person on the first date.
Perhaps you are recognizing attraction comes from knowing the person. The chemistry can build as you get to know someone, just as it can decrease as you get to know someone. You can take the hottest chick on the block, see her on the firs date and want to jump her bones, then when you get to know her, you can be equally turned off. Works both ways.
I was like you. If I wasn't feeling this instant chemistry, I wrote them off. Then I realized how chemistry needs to be built by getting to know someone.
Also, check yourself and make sure you aren't feeling like you have to "catch up" to your exW. Yeah, she is in an R and is having sex everyday, but so what. That will happen for you when it is ready to.
