Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers waw maybe #4

The following post will be hard to write and it gives me some clarity as to what happened preceeding BD.

S22 comes to me last night while I was writing a response, he says Dad we need to talk, I said ok whats on your mind. He says I am really stressing out at work and I need to find a new job, I cant take the stress anymore. He works in a jail as a CO. He makes good money and has great benefits but feels threatened everyday. I said I will support your decision what ever you chose but first I have to tell you that you cannot quit right now bc of some things that are going on. He may have to get his own appartment.

He then says are you and mom going to fix whats wrong? I said I am not sure but it doesnt look like it. He then asks how can she go on another vaca right now and I said you would have to ask her. I said here is whats happening:

Mom has filed for D and wants to buy me out of the house and she is going to ask you and S21 to pay rent to help pay the mortgage and household expenses. He says he will never pay her rent he would rather she move out if she wants out. Then he asks why should she get anything if she wants to leave, I said thats the law. He then says he needs to tell me something else:

He said I think mom was planning this for a while, she kept complaining about when you would go to work that you never did anything with us. He started to believe it too, and for that he's sorry. I was completely floored!! My emotions were going crazy, he said dad I love you I love what you have done for this family. I almost broke down in front of him, but I held it together and said S22 I love you too. He said Dad can we start doing stuff together again? I said absolutely, he said that he wants to see my parents, he feels really guilty bc everytime there was a chance to go see them mom would say OH you dont have to go. He said that he sees what has gone on here and he is truly sorry for everything.

He gets ready for work and as he is leaving he says I love you Dad.

S21 then gets home and I sit down and explain to him whats happening and he says the same thing as S22, he would rather get his own appartment then pay her rent. He is really upset that she went on another vacation and not helping to pay for anything in the house. I said remember that this is your mom, and whatever is happening between me and her is between me and her. He said he doesnt like what has happened over the last year and its starting to really bother him. He is a police officer and I really do not want him stressed out over this. ugh..............

So with that said I am planning a one night trip to a cabin house just with my boys. We will target shoot drink some beers BBQ. Life will go on.....

Great update bhappy! This is why I tell LBSs not to worry about their relationship, post D, with their kids. Kids are pretty observant, and can cut through crap to see the truth. It might take them a while, but they eventually will get it. I've had a lot of friends that have divorced parents. My W's parents are divorced. They always eventually come to a realization of the truth. You did great by reminding your S that this is between you and her. But you have some good kids there Bhappy! Gainfully employed at 22 and 21, do you know how rare that is these day?!?

I love the idea of guys weekend! My only recommendation is not to mix the beer drinking WITH the target shooting!

Truth always prevails bhappy. It´s just a question of time.

Yes, we are a safe family and both boys were trained when they were much younger. Now they have full training evey year. Oh yea, no mixing alcohol and guns.!

Journaling:

I had an exceptional week, parties all weekend. Meetting new people at the social club. So I bring things to the parties I go to and so far they have been a big hit. I brought a very difficult puzzle, you know those bar puzzles made of metal that you have to remove a certain piece. Well everyone wanted to try it, and it was such a good conversation piece. The next party I went to I brought juggling balls... this was so much fun everyone wanted to try. Glad I did, as the kids at the party were just thrilled, of course it was hard, so I took some time to help the kids start to learn to juggle with tissues.

Next party I am bringing Harmonicas, yes I am buying cheap plastic harmonicas and will bring them... time for some stupidly funny things.

Now with this I am finding that several ladies are really giving me the full court press, I had to tell one that I am just not ready to date yet. She wants to go out but understands.

Goal: For the next three months no alcohol, except for Aug. 25th which I am roasting my cousin. Its going to be a great party and I already wrote the roasting up.

So I will train, running for the next three months and at the end of October there is a half marathon I will run. I really am looking forward to this, its time for me!

D24 is coming home on the weekend of Aug. 25th and we are running a 5K on that Sat morning then she is co ming with me to the party for my cousin. On Aug 26th I have a big annual family bbq, unfortunately D19 will be away at college but the rest of my children are going.

If you are reading this know one thing, there will come a time when you no longer think about you WAS. Trust me and listen to the vets advice....

Peace....

Journaling:

So last night was a little challenge for me as I was invited to yet again another party, I declined as I did not want the pressure of having a few beers. I really want to focus on training and running a really good half marathon. I find when I consume alcohol it adversely effects my training and weight. I got a good nights sleep, just ate a great breakfast and I am prepping for a afternoon run. I have some yard work to do later in the afternoon then off to work.

W got home from work last night her normal time and when I woke this am she was gone, out. I do not know where she is and at this point it doesnt matter. I informed D19 about the pending D and she was in shock, she thought we could/should work it out. She asked questions I do not have answers for so I kept it short and simple. She asked what was happening with the house and I said that W is going to try and buy me out. D19 started to get upset and said that W should leave if she wants out. I said thats all I have and not to worry everything will be alright no matter what.

Btw W has not spoken to me in nearly three weeks. I said Hi once.... she said it back.

Our first conference with the L's is on Aug. 13th so I believe this is the beginning of the end. Its ok, life goes on...

So many activities going on at the social club, looking forward to an Octoberfest party in September. There will be live German bands playing music. German beer and food.

I am driving D19 back to college on Aug. 24th and W of course cant make it on the ride, she has to work. Thats ok, I will do it, the last thing I need is to upset D19 anymore than she is. She just took a Police test and scored very high, she wants to follow in her brothers footsteps.

I have a busy work week ahead and I am actually looking forward to taking my mind off of this sitch further detaching...

peace....

I agree with Neffer, truth will always prevail and it seems that it already is with your kids. The guys weekend is a great idea, I hope you can make it happen soon if you haven't already. I think when a 22 year old cries, it's definitely time for some bonding. Sounds like you've chosen to speak to each of them individually about the situation as opposed to all together? I think that makes sense given their age and the way the situation has unfolded but it might be time now that W is out to have a come together kind of talk.

Although it might cause a temporary setback in your mind, I think it's a good thing that W is gone. You will get back to where you were soon and then you can begin to heal even further with the two of you being apart. It's so hard to feel (and move past) the real impacts of separation when you aren't actually living apart. I think you'll now be able to get past the final hurdles because you've already been able to progress so much even with the living situation being what it was. You're on to better things my friend.

Good for you on being alcohol free. I go 30 days free now and then myself because alcohol plays such a large role in our friendships and social interactions and then I always like a glass of wine when I cook, to relax, when I'm listening to music, the list can go on and on if you let it. Sometimes you need to take a break and take time to honor your body.

Keep on truckin.

I did, it was more of a who was home at the time but I sat them down and finally told them what was actually going on. It was not easy but needed to be done.




Just to clarify, she was gone for the day, brought home pizza for everyone. Not that she left for good. Again still do not have any proof she has OM.




I just found that even a few beers on he weekend affects my training, though cutting back would help. Trying to be better to my body.



Do you know me IRL? Seriously do you? Its ok if you do just wondering?

As a 24+ year alcohol free recovering alcoholic, I applaud this! Not sure if you are religious at all, but one of my favorite OT stories is when Potiphar's wife tries to seduce Joseph. Joseph RAN from the situation. He didn't hemhaw around, he didn't make excuses, he bolted. So fast that he left his cloak behind, and potiphar's wife used it as proof that he came on to her resulting in Joseph being thrown in prison. (Don't worry, even that resulted in it all working out for Joseph in the end.)

The point is to avoid temptation with every ounce of our being! Well done sir. I can be around it now and not be tempted, but there was a time when I would have had to just stay home too.

Oh, my mistake, I thought you meant she was OUT out.



Uh, no? Not that Im aware of anyway! To my knowledge, i dont know anyone here and if I did, I would absolutely feel that it was an awful invasion of someones privacy to read their thread and thus I would tell them immediately if I thought I knew them. Nor am I connected to anyone here socially, on social media or otherwise. Why would you ask me that??