Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Moving On To The Bright Side 2

Thanks guys......I think I feel the pressure because she is a widow with young kids, we go to the same church, and know the same people so this is not like a complete internet random meeting........I think that is why I feel there is more at stake. As far as ew goes.....I saw her yesterday for 5 min during kid drop off........then I heard her bf yip yip dog barking in the background and I felt nothing. I was annoyed, kind of repulsed, and just walked out the door. She has moments of niceness, we did have great sexual chemistry but overall she was more nasty, in her own world, and shellfish than anything else.......I have clarity now with time and space. Her new BF can have her. Good luck.

Oh and she also turned her profile off so no one can contact her.......I guess she likes me

You know, J, you have gotten some great advice and I TOTALLY second what Ginger said about expanding your horizons. I guess I see things from a totally different view than others on the board. I see kml, Lady V and even Ginger talking about their size/weight and they are all saying that even they wouldn't fit into your "definition" of what you find attractive. I certainly wouldn't because I'm 5'11" and weigh nearly 300 pounds. That is hard for me to type here, but it is what it is. I'm a big girl. You wouldn't give me a second glance if we passed each other on the street, unless it was to make a rude comment (which I don't think you'd do, by the way, as you don't strike me as a mean boy, but you get my point..........).

The thing is we ALL have certain things we are attracted to. I've said this on here before. Many men tend to be attracted to more petite, fit, pretty women so those of us who don't have that struggle. I used to not think I had a type, but looking at those that I've been with and I'm attracted to, I definitely do. It is human nature. Maybe it is because I'm a big girl, but I tend to be attracted to tall, heavier guys (and with facial hair....OH MY!). Just my thing, like small, fit women is yours.

My point here is, don't let that one thing cloud you. I'm not saying you have to be into a girl my size, but be open to PERSONSALITY and attitude, even if the physical part is not exactly your type. You might find that a girl with just a little meat on her bones is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Like Don pointed out, as women get older, things change, so a girl who is super fit now, may begin to gain a little weight or lose a little muscle tone as age catches her. Personality, attitude....those things stay forever.

Good luck and enjoy this new lady. I think she sounds fabulous! But, I promise, if nothing comes of it, there are plenty more out there looking for a decent guy.

Thanks D......and you are right I am not a mean person. My father was a big guy 6'4 and 350 at his peak. I am going to try. I am not perfect by any means.....6'2 around 230 and while I don't expect perfection it would be nice to find someone who also enjoys going to the gym, working out, and trying to live a healthy lifestyle. It is not the only thing I am looking for but it is on my list. Obviously I want to be with someone who accepts my D's, they don't have to attend church but at minimum are a Christian and believe in god, down to earth is a big one for me, funny, smart, affectionate, someone I can be myself around, and also someone that wants to be in the weeds with me (having young kids more days are spent in the weeds than we will in Cancun). You get my point.

When I was initially going through my EW moving out and was really dealing with my emotions I had a lot of long talks with my neighbor. He would come over, bring a bottle of bourbon and I would just talk to him about my sitch. One night he told me that I was a good guy, better than him, and if he died he couldn't think of anyone other than me who he would want to be with his wife and take care of his girls (he has 3). I was like wow, what a compliment, and obviously that is how highly he thinks of me. So I think about that when I think about potentially being with this women (who is a widow with young kids).

I am really going to try Thank you!

Just relax and enjoy J9. You are not in a hurry. LIke a glass of a good wine, let the thing rest and enjoy it.

Good point N.....I was thinking about this earlier today as I was getting ready for work. I think my EW having a BF might be impacting me some as well.

Totally know that feeling. My XH went straight from me to someone else and I found out later he'd been seeing her while we were still married. I mean literally 2 weeks to the day after our D was final, he was moving 1600 miles away from the only town he'd ever lived in all his life, to start a new life with her. While I had NO desire to date or keep any kind of company with a man when he first left, when I finally got over the shock, it did hurt to know that he'd moved on to someone else so quickly while I was struggling to even fully understand what went down. It was like OMG...I have to find someone. But then I got into the GAL and fortunately for me, work was SUPER busy at that time, so that helped me to refocus a tad.

I think neffer made a great point though.....just enjoy the ride, so to speak.

Thanks D.....I am glad you know how I feel because while my EW did not move 1600 miles away she obviously starting dating this guy before our D was finalized. It is hard to not waiver but I do need to enjoy and stay on my own path.

1600 miles isn't far enough away in my thinking.

The G comes back to sleep on my garden bench.

V

Lol V.....I kind of feel the same way with Ew and we live 4 miles apart. 2nd date with widow set up for Friday night. I hope I feel that spark.