Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART X

if you decide to take her up on her offer, do it with an offer of your own... like--let's go grab a bite... or let's go hear a band... or something... anything other than hanging out at her place... mis dos centavos...

--artista

Just an update...
I was asked to work tonight for extra pay so I couldn't meet her tonight anyway. I'm in the process of getting a new car so the extra pay next week will help. She would have been too tired from the beach to go out anyway I'm sure.

Just another update...
I texted WAW today and asked her to the bonfire next Saturday night. She said "Ok I'm in, thanks for the invite." She knows the people as they are the same people that went to that concert WAW and I went to right before she moved to Florida 4 years ago. So unless she flakes on me in the next week...looks like we're on for the bonifre.

Still not you and WAW going on your terms. But better.

V

Oh good! I like this... Hope you have fun...

Okay so tonight I stopped by my work for a few minutes to grab my schedule. As I was inside talking with my co-worker I went into the back room. When I came out there was WAW at the counter. She had asked if I was working. I assume she saw my car in the lot. So I went outside with her and we talked for a bit. She thanked me again for the invite to the bonfire and said she was really looking forward to it. Apparently she was in town at that local friend's house again. She asked me if I was sure I didn't want to take "one of your girlies." I said "well obviously not." Then she started with her "I don't want to send the wrong impression about us crap...saying she wanted to make sure she didn't hurt me and her. She said we ended badly once...that she didn't want that to happen again. At that point I reached my limit and decided to end this does she/doesn't she crap that is really starting to wear on my nerves.

So I started by saying "First of all, you can't hurt me...you don't have that power anymore. I've been there, got the t-shirt. " She laughed at that point. I continued by telling her look...to be honest I don't think much about that. I told her basically the things I've written here in my recent posts...that whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I don't have some master plan. I told her "As I've said before, this friendship will last as long as I don't become involved with someone else. Then that's it." She understood and said she'd accept that but that she'd miss me. In the course of conversation the subject of her first contact with me came up. I laughed and said that that was some coincidence that she "happened" to contact me right after Mary and I split. As expected she claimed she had no idea we weren't together still. This from the woman who admitted clearly to me "Yeah I stalked you. I would ask people how's my ex?"But I let her denial go and the conversation continued. She mentioned how she has no interest in men right now. I said "that's cool...neither do I." She laughed. I basically told her that I don't expect to get back together AND I don't expect us not to. Whatever happens with us happens. I said if we wind up in the sack in two weeks...great....if not that's fine too. I said for now let's see what happens. WAW said that's exactly how she feels about it. I wanted to be the one to end the interaction since this was a totally surprising and unplanned encounter so I said i have to go because I'm already ten minutes late being somehere. So as I was walking away she said to tell Mary I said hi. I looked at her perplexed...like where did that come from??? Mary was never even discussed. So I just laughed it off and said I told you, Mary and I are done. I stuck a fork in it.

Now earlier she had mentioned how she couldn't stay away from me because I was like family. Well now I'm still walking away at this point and after the Mary remark she says, "Can I ask you something? Is that how it is for you with me? That you love me like family?" I answered her with "Honestly? No. I love you the same way I always have...that never changed. Then I insisted I had to go and was trying to end the convo.by continuing to walk away. She said okay be safe and I'll see you on Saturday. I said okay be safe and see ya then.

So an unexpected appearance by WAW and quite honestly she was lucky to catch me as I only stopped at my work for about 5 minutes as I'm off tonight. So I'll let you all know how it goes on Saturday. I'm sure it will be a great time and I feel great for clearing the air with her. She now understands that I am happy with ME alone or ME attached...which is really the total opposite person I was during the gradual death of our marriage..
Anyway I feel so powerful right now...it's an amazing feeling to be able to not rely on what WAW does or doesn't do.
I still think her "friend zone" business is a bit of smoke and mirrors because every now and again I see her nervousness. My feeling is that it isn't that WAW doesn't want me ... WAW wants no men. She wants to be single. And so do I to be honest, I just got out of a long term relationship. It seems at least we both know where we stand...on the same place...no promises, no commitments, let nature take its course. She's good with that and I'm good with that so that's how we're taking this.

Oh a postscript:

At one point WAW got a little upset because we were talking about concerts we'd seen since we divorced. I mentioned I went and saw one of Mary's favorite bands and bought us tickets. It was a band, admittedly, I would never have gone to see with WAW because I don't particularly care for them. WAW remarked with a very snotty "Oh great for Mary. At least she got that stuff."

IH, interesting update!

I am sorry, but she doesn't show up at your work place like that unannounced without being interested. Every girl/woman I've ever known that showed up somewhere she'd knew I'd be was interested in more than friends. I think she is very interested in rekindling your R, but is scared too. I think you handled this very well. I like your directness. All of this maneuvering and strategy was working against you. I've advocated being direct since the beginning, and I love that you were direct in this interaction.

Have fun Saturday. I think Saturday is huge. I think once she sees the new, awesome you in that setting her heart will melt. The "I don't want to be with anyone" thing is a smokescreen. Sorry I've known a lot of women that were single, divorced, widowed, whatever, at various ages from 18-69. ALL of them wanted to be with someone. It is a very very rare woman that is truly interested in being alone under the age of 70. And even over 70 it isn't common!

So yeah, I think she might be conflicted, but clearly she wasn't being honest about knowing you and Mary were split. And likely the "tell Mary I said hi" thing was trying to convince you that she "didn't know".

Keep us updated! I look forward to your updates more than anyone elses'! (sorry to the other posters, lol)

Good to see you being direct. I think she's still meandering around the bushes about what she wants and feels. but that's okay because you have a great life and you're not responsible for her to figure her $hit out.

Thanks guys. Well I figured o had nothing to lose. She seemed to want to make it clear that Saturday was not a romantic date. I basically went with the idea that it is what it is and what I'm not labeling it. As far as the comment about saying hi to Mary, I think that was in repsonse to me leaving...almost like she was asking if I was leaving to go to Mary's. That's the impression I got from the remark.