Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART X

hello, again... what bluwave said... and on that note, go ahead and invite XW to the bonfire... but don't say, "join me if you want," or anything like that... just invite her... and have no expectations at this point... but continue to live your life... GAL... all that stuff that makes you attractive... if she does take you up on your invitation, pick her up, go to the bonfire, drive her home... and if there is no clear signal that she wants more--LEAVE... do not hang out at her house...

nota bene: she may not realize her feelings for you until you are not available to her... maybe until you find someone else... and that does not mean she is playing games with you... but it would not surprise me... and you cannot go find someone else just to lure her back... it would have to be REAL... and then you would be in an unenviable spot... a painful situation... but it often happens that way... who knows...

--artista

Just for the record it is not about getting her in the sack as it is being her lover and not her gay boyfriend.

Thanks Artista. We'll see what develops next. I do feel like I am making the right moves. The gay boyfriend this is ridiculous. An exhusband could ever be an ex wife's gay anything. Even WAW would laugh at that remark. Fact is if she seeks me out, she's emotionally attached. That means I am her turn to guy. And that's exactly what I should be to start/lead to a new intimate relationship. But seriously we actually have to gay friends that are married she could talk to. Those are the mutual friends she went to see a few weeks back.
But seriously, gay boyfriend? Sex does not lead to a realtionship...after all we had post divorce sex a couple times back before she ever left for Florida. We see how that turned out for me.
She needs her best friend back FIRST, before she falls in love with him again.
Again, I could disagree more with your- just try and bang her and if you can't there's your answer-approach. This isn't a couple of horny high school kids emabarking on a new relationship...these are two adults who have had plenty of sex in almost 20 years...and she quite obviously likes to repeatedly praise and commend my manhood as she remembers it...that kind of shoots the gay boyfriend noting into oblivion. We're trying to reconnect, not undress.

Undressing helps a lot. I vote for the sexy thing when you are ready.

My thing is emotional connection, dating, if naughties happen it does. No issues.

Seduction doesn't mean penetration.

It's seduction, flirting and frisson.

Anticipatory nookies.

I vote for that.

V

Can we please move away from the term, "gay boyfriend" on these boards? I find it offensive. Someone being in the friend-zone is not related to that poster being gay or not gay. This same dynamic can exist in a straight couple or a gay couple, despite sexuality.

IH, yes, you have gotten some contradictory advice here. I think that's partly because none of us have been in your position before. You seem like an intelligent and level-headed person. You have also been at this DB thing a lot longer than many of us. Please trust yourself. You know her and your sense of where she is at sounds right. If there is one thing I have learned from my sitch, it is to trust my gut feelings about people. Our gut feeling doesn't steer us wrong!

Please, please keep posting! We are all in your corner, even when we don't give the best advice :-) There is so much for us to learn from you and your sitch and the way this is unfolding!

You got this!
Blu

Thanks Blu! Yes to be honest that's the main reason I even come back here to update...to help others who had the bomb drop recently...those months after are just desperate, hopeless, and incredibly painful. I hope that those suffering now read my thread here all the way back to my very first post. Hope is not lost even though there seems to be no doubt in your head that it is in the weeks after a bomb drop. Time changes things...it did for me and it WILL for the newbies.

But yes I come back here not necessarily for advice on saving my marriage because my marriage is long dead and buried. WAW and I need to start from scratch. I come here to help the newbies see that no matter how hopeless things seem...time works to fix all!!! It does it does it does!
Yes I feel as though i am handling this the best way right now. The more time I spend with her, the more she's going to miss me and want me around. So far I've been proven right since she keeps coming back over and over again. That's not for no reason. Where it leads? Who knows. But j am in a place of strength where I am not reliant on the outcome. It's no different than if WAW was a new woman...if it didn't work out then I just move on to someone else. That's how I'm treating WAW, she's no different now than any other woman I would have some interest in. And any other woman I was seeing that I was interested in I would take my time with. If it was a woman I just wanted a sexual fling with then no, I'd be aggressive and go for it. But a meaningful relationship never has and never will be build upon a sexual encounter or two. There has to be more than that and for WAW and I, solidifying our friendship again had to come first. So in that regard things are going just fine. If her romantic emotions for me awaken again because of the strengthening friendship then that's great, if not that's fine too. The point is you can't build a strong house on weak foundation. Friendship is the foundation and sex is the wood and paint. I'm not taking advice that suggests I build the house on a swampy foundation only to watch it collapse again. And yes, LOL, this approach most definitely doesn't make me gay. LOL!

I like the approach. In my old age I am much more proactive due to now wanting to waste time. But you are young, and you have the time to invest like this. So just let it come naturally. It is completely different because of your history, obviously. So it ISN'T just like any other woman you were interested in. It is much much different. But you got this, and you will be fine. I still think her ultimate goal is R. The timing of her contacting you is too coincidental.

I know I flip-flop with you a lot. LOL "Go for it so you know!" "Take it slow so you don't mess it up!" But it is because when you word something like your last post so eloquently, you win me over.

Well i must say Steve, it is very curious as to the timing of WAW's reemergence I almost immediately after Mary and I split. Very, very hard for me to see that as a coincidence. Also worth noting is if a woman wants to be rid of her ex, she's not going to look him up 4 years later immediately after he breaks up with his girlfriend. Further, even if she did...if she didn't like what she saw after the first reunion; she certainly wouldn't embark on a crusade to continue seeing him regularly. These are the reasons why I think things are progressing just fine. That's why I am saying away from advice that suggests the quick fix, the quick answer. Her answer now would be no...BUT I don't think that will be the case down the road. However, the question is will this all time correctly. I am not stopping my social life with other ladies...and if I happen to become involved with one beforehand then WAW and I just weren't meant to be. So that's why I have chosen to simply let this thing play out. It's not like I need an immediate answer now...all I need to do is nurture what's happening and go with it.

As someone else posted a couple posts back...I too find it hard to believe WAW contacting me again when she did because she wanted to be friends. She missed me, she clearly compared her Florida boyfriend to me, and she mentioned during our last visit that things with this guy didn't progress to where she thought they should to prompt her to stay in Florida so she came back home. Of course the sexual comparisons I've already talked about here a couple times as well.

So I'm playing this close to the vest, seeing where it goes while at the same time enjoying my life without WAW as I have been doing for the past few years anyway. It seems to me this is a win/win situation for me.

Just an update...
WAW texted today saying that she's going to the beach tomorrow during the day but wanted to know if I wanted to hang out tomorrow night. Here she comes again...relentless! Update to follow.

Well there it goes again.....

V