Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART X

Hi everyone,
Well I guess this might have more to do with me than WAW. Perhaps I myself am not even sure I want to be committed to anyone again at the moment. That's why I am just fine letting things roll however they roll.
I also must admit that I don't think WAW wants to be more than friends. I have gotten absolutely nothing from her since we've reconnected to suggest to me that she has any romantic feelings for me at all. That makes me lose motivation and look elsewhere to other women. I guess I have too much pride or whatever but I just don't believe in wastifn my time with womennwho don't appreciate my awesomeness. This includes WAW. This site, the book, etc had made me into a man who I guess you could say is totally happy by myself if need be. I love myself again because of this site and the book. So I guess that's it in a nutshell. Basically I've lost a bit of interest in WAW because I no longer believe we have a chsnce to R. I feel like I would know by now if we did. A few weeks ago I had some hope...but I just don't anymore and now I don't even know what I want. When I sense there's no interest coming from a woman I just move on and she drops down on my totem pole of interest. I think this has happened with WAW. I don't believe in my heart we will ever have a chance to be together again romantically...and because of that I think I've lost interest. I would have known by now of WAW was even thinking of R...and there's been nothing at all that I've seen to suggest that's the case. So I'm losing interest in her and really just am indifferent to it all now. I don't know how else to describe it. I need to see a potential payoff in anything I devote my time to and with WAW it seems there will never be a payoff. So I'm keeping my options open, and will stay friends with her until I'm involved with someone else. I'm just fine letting this play out at this point.

I,

I think you are BSing yourself you were/are interested and she was too at least at one point. The problem is most people will do more to avoid pain then they will to gain pleasure. Your fear of rejection most likely cost you a chance of recon.

If you truly couldnt care less like you indicate, when she said to you to come into her room if you want because you seen her naked 1000 times. Why did not playfully say I would love to see you naked right now? Totally acceptable response at that point.

Its the mans job to lead, especially in the bedroom.

In the end it is always the LBS that lets go.

V

IH, wow you get more contradicting advice than anyone else on these forums, LOL! To me you sound quite secure and confident in what you are doing- just being friends and waiting to see if anything blooms from that. Why not? I think you are doing fine. I suggested before that you be more assertive and bold but I think your last few posts have changed my mind because you sound like you are totally fine with just being friends for now.

I am with LH on this in terms of his last post. But if you're okay with the status quo and just being friends to see if anything happens, then more power to you.

What's got me curious is why she wants to be 'friends'? Is she lonely? Why break the silence after so long to just be 'friends'. It doesn't make sense to me.

I also feel like there was that time period when you wanted more to be friends with her. And my gut feeling was that you should've taken up the chance and risked rejection because you are good with your life and who you are and you could move on.

My personality is that I always like to err on the side of clarity. I am good with going on in limbo for a while, but what you've gone through would frustrate the hell out of me. I am also on the side of the street that sees no value in friendship with the ex. Good relationship and civility for co-parenting - yes. But I don't need her to play the role of a friend in my life. I can go make new friends.

I think your window of being more assertive has passed and your interest has also waned, so I'd just let it be and keep doing what you're doing and dating other women. The only way I'd reconsider in your situation is if she pursued me aggressively with intention.

THIS! ^^^^^^^ Thank you! I am glad I'm not the only one that sees this!

Now about some of these comments. Actually LH, I did say something sexual to her when she mentioned changing pants in her room but honestly I was a bit embarrassed to mention here what I said to her but since you mentioned it I'll tell you...when I came out of the bathroom and saw her pulling her pants up I said "WAW! I'm glad I peed first before seeing this otherwise you'd have to clean urine off your ceiling. I need to sit down now." She busted out laughing and used an old quote from Golden Girls that we used to laugh at...WAW said "Oh yes the big gun, I'm familiar with the big gun." That's when she mentioned I was twice the size of her ex boyfriend in Florida. I was just a bit embarrassed to mention that exchange here.

Now as far as whether she was/is interested my gut says no but that doesn't mean that I'm right. I feel the way things are going are actually drawing her closer to me. You need to be best friends again before you can take it to the next level and sadly after 4 long years it takes time to rebuild that bond. Once that's done it is my opinion the next step will come naturally. If I am too aggressive she will run away and then there goes even the friendship. I feel my chances are better the way I'm handling it now. The result is her seeking me out consistently, encouraging is spending time together, etc. The alternative would push her away. If you told me a year ago that I'd be hanging with WAW pretty regularly again I would have said no way... we'll probably never talk again. So this is why I am doing this my way.

Also as I've already explained...I am not BSing myself. What you seem to forget is something I've stated repeatedly here.
The reason I don't really care and am indifferent to this sitch is because I merely WANT WAW...I don't NEED her THAT is what DBing did for me. So I am totally honest when I tell you I don't care what happens because I know, FOR SURE NOW, that WAW will not go away. She can't last two weeks without interacting with me. She seeks me out. She will continue to do so and I think she's made that obvious to me and everyone reading this thread. So then, why SHOULD I work harder for something I merely WANT and don't NEED. Let HER NEED me...and each and every time she reaches out to me...that screams that she needs me in her life. She can call it friendship or whatever she wants. I know the real deal now and I am driving this car. She knows the feelings will come back for me the more time she spends with me and that's why she actually DOESN'T treat me the same way as she does her other guy friends. She doesn't stay away from her other guy friends for two weeks. Why then does she do that with me? I'll tell you why, because I am not just ant old friend to her. She may not have given me any direct signs to prove this...and that's why I get frustrated, but I know it to be true.

So I'm not BSing myself here. I see this sitch for what it is. And what it is is my WAW simply cannot and will not stay away...and the reason for that will unfold on it's own in due time. I don't think pushing her away by being to aggressive will be productive. Worst case scenario is I'm wrong and we for our separate ways again. So be it, I am fine with that. Again...I merely WANT her...I most definitely don't NEED her. It's the difference between wanting a Corvette instead of a Pinto, or needing water to live. I don't need WAW, or ANY woman to live and be happy. and yes, I am just fine with possessing that power. WAW can't stay away and she won't unless I force her to.
Hope that clarifies things.

Ok dude keep watching your romcom movies with the friendship BS. She is playing you until you either act like a man and be her lover or until something better comes along. Time will tell what happens first. It is good that either way you are ok with it. (Eye roll)

Good luck man.

I personally think that you are handling things admirably and that you have a great perspective. Friendship IS vitally important for establishing a deeper relationship. You are basically starting all over again - with some obvious familiarity due to your history, but you are still in a way courting her all over again.

While I tend to think that she is more interested than your gut is telling you, I also think you are totally taking the right approach in not being too aggressive and letting things evolve slowly and naturally. The Golden Girls quote and the context in which it was used could be more meaningful than you give it credit for - as is the mere fact that she was changing in a way that she knew you would very likely catch a glimpse of things.

Either way, I know you will be still be the awesome person that you have become. I hope you get what you want at the end of this new relationship you are developing with your XW and I am totally rooting for you!

So be it, I've told you this before. I appreciate your input but I don't agree with you. Trying to get her in the sack now would end badly. Yes I believe all romantic relationships must start with a base friendship. You act like ripping her clothes off and ravaging her will have us happily ever after from then onward and I simply don't believe that in any way. As I've said, she can't stay away so I'm letting this build up into a mighty crescendo within her. If she wanted to sleep with someone she has PLENTY of suitors... plenty. Yet she doesn't. Instead she chases her ex husband around and you know what? After the pain she put me through all those years ago...I'm just fine with that and I'm going to enjoy this while I can...it will end however it will end. Maybe it will be me that finds someone else. Has that ever occurred to you? That maybe the interest I'm losing in this will become more intense. I'm playing the field now and WAW knows it. I was in committed relationship for 2 years until a couple months ago and I want to enjoy not just WAW, but other ladies' company too.

Oh and thanks hongaku. I appreciate your support of my method here. You posted as I was typing my reply to LH.