Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers She knows...Pt. 3

Myfamilywizard is popular on the board as it holds all emails etc.

Easy to set up and the courts have access if one parent permits.

V

Right now, I'm pretty sure that S is at home with W. As for who has been watching him, I don't know. I've tried to get that info from W, but she won't tell me that information.

I am documenting things, yes.

I am still working to get an L, waiting for a callback. The free legal help office is slow, and unfortunately there's no way I can get the money to hire one outright. Once I get an L, I'm absolutely going to talk to them about it at this point. I had hoped to avoid that, but W has shown she cares more about getting what she wants than being a responsible parent.

I do have an online calendar that I use for keeping track of my dates to have S.

Just a quick update...I get to see S this weekend!

Apparently W sister may have cut W off because she saw through the bs.

So W texted me today to try to set this up. She said "it was a mistake to go through my sister, but I didn't expect you to be so obstinate."

We agreed to meet at the PD so that I can get S. She said she'll probably bring a friend, too. I didn't argue. I just said I'll see her there.

I'm glad that I'm going to spend time with him.

I also got a call back from legal aid, they are trying to find an attorney referral for me. Perhaps in the future we can avoid situations like this altogether.

Excellent.

V

Glad you are getting to see S.

Have awesome D and S time.

I have read between the lines that you are in the UK. Football is everywhere so that's a great dad and S activity at the moment.

Be prepared to record if you think you are being set up.

If you are in the UK and the OM made false accusations consider a pre action protocol letter asking for compensation for the Tort of the false accusation. It will stop it from happening again, or at minimum it can be mentioned somewhere in the D docs. That if it happens again you will consider legal action for damages using a no win no fee solicitor and will be seeking your costs on an indemnity basis.

My thoughts

V

Thank you, but I'm in the US. Heh.

When I met W at the PD, I did record audio. The PD does video recording, but I wanted to have all of my bases covered. Fortunately, it went smoothly. W was acting kind of weird...she had her arms crossed tightly and avoided eye contact. And also, she brought cupcakes for us.

I think she's starting to understand (after the exchange with her sis) that she's messing up pretty bad. She was civil, but just appeared really insecure.

Not my problem though.

S and I had a good evening playing with cars and dinosaurs! We had some cookies, and he seemed excited to see me, which was great. He told me he loves me like 10 times before he FINALLY went to sleep. He's an awesome little guy.

I'm really grateful that she decided to play a bit nicer, although it's probably only because she knows she's violated the court order. Also...not my problem.

I'm looking forward to a nice weekend with S here with me.

Your wonderful little S is going to be glorious to be with.

I love reading dad and S stories. Your S is going to be your S for all your life. That precious child is in your life for the whole of your life.

Awesome dad.

V

Had a good weekend with S. We went to the donut shop for breakfast this morning, and then I took him to the day care this morning so W could pick him up. There are toys EVERYWHERE at my apartment. Heh.

I really wish that he could be here every night like he was when W and I were together. I miss having them both here.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the legal aid office to find out if they have an A referral for me.

Only two things bothered me this weekend: 1) he didn't have quite enough clothes in his overnight bag, but we were able to manage. 2) S was asking if I could go to his friend's house (his friends parents are the two that have been pushing W to leave me for a couple of years). I told him that I couldn't. He wanted to know why, so I had to figure out how to tell him that I wasn't allowed to go over there anymore. Unfortunately, I had to try to explain that if I go there, they would call the police. He didn't seem to understand, he said "but you're not a bad guy...".

I had to change the subject. I may have told him too much, but I also don't want to lie to him about why I can't go there anymore. That's a tricky conversation to have with an almost 4 year old.

I didn't talk bad about W or her friends, only that they (W's friends) say that I'm a bad guy. He knows that I'm not.

I need to research things like how to have hard conversations with a child. I tried to keep it simple, and I tried to not have to go into any details with him.

I hope that doesn't have any really negative effects. Although I know that this whole D sitch will have some either way.

He told me that he loved me, and I said "I love you, too." He then said "And I love mommy!" so I said "I love mommy, too."

And that's true. I guess I still do in a way. I don't want him to think any differently. He says that he misses living with both of us. I do, too. I wish things were different.

As for W, I believe that I'm about as detached as I can be right now. I don't care what she's up to at all, and I don't plan to try to find out. It's not my problem.

Right now, I have some major financial issues to deal with since she left and I lost my job. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find suitable paying work in this area, but I can't afford to relocate (and I honestly don't want to because of S). In the past few months, my credit has completely tanked, and I'm starting to get to where the money from my severance is getting tighter. My first priority this week is find some kind of income. Even if it's not ideal...because realistically I will need to make over 20/hr to cover the bills that were left behind.

If I get an A referral this week, I'm going to work on getting some set orders in place for visitation (because it seems that to W the verbal agreements aren't going to be honored unless she gets everything she wants).

I'm a little stressed out, to say the least. But I am still confident that I can make something work out with the job search. Kind of.

Miss it too. S3 mentions it a lot, missing living with us all. He mentioned missing living at the apartment we shared.
When he asks why we dont live there anymore i just say "Mommy wanted to move back home with Grandma"

Having to her S3 talk about OM never gets any easier either.
its hard to not lie, but also pad the truth.

Definitely pad the truth. I don't talk about W negatively with him around. In my sitch, there's not just one OM. It's multiple OM and OW that kind of just come and go, because W isn't looking for a relationship, she's only worried about having her fun.

I suppose that does make it a little bit easier in one aspect...I don't have to have talks with S about anyone trying to replace me...lol.

I wonder though if S is going to ask W or her friends why they think I'm a bad guy...lol. That's gonna be an awkward conversation for them. Not that I hope he does, but I mean, they kind of created this mess.

Dunno what the future is going to be like. I'm just trying to do the best I can for S.