Feeling a lot of anger, spite,resentment and like I am fed up frustrated and done. Anyone familiar with feelings like this when the separation gets real. Her dream house we custom renovated is a cluster of anxiety, negative emotion and our lifes of stuff we are splitting. Thousands of dollars are being spent to separate. Now that the money starts flowing reality hits.
Feeling like F you go ahead and move on without me. I brought up divorce and W asks if that is what I want and seems to almost cringe. Maybe she is just scared but at this point I do not even want to give the three months I agreed to.
The amount of work to move and split everything is incredible. Subconsciously I think I knew I would be done if we got to this point.
I love the idea of our family and my W and I. I love the woman she could be. I love the woman inside but I do not have her. I think she is beautiful and that is the hardest part. I honestly may just try to see her as little as possible.
For those that have been following my sitch. Any thoughts options or advice? I guess I should not make a rash decision while I am emotional. We are splitting everything anyway so why not just D. I honestly can not think of any reason to stay married. Maybe I will try to give it a month after my work frees up to see if anything changes. That coincides with D3 birthday.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/26/1802:03 PM. Reason: restored post
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Let things calm down. Now is not the time to make any rash decisions when entangled in all this emotion. take the time to let things sort out and when your head is clear evaluate what need to be done. I hope it works out for you.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Did, it is always in your power to file for D. However, make sure it is what YOU want. WWs have a way of waiting out their LBHs. The LBH gets fed up and files for D. And then has to do the D process work.
LBH doesn't want D but is resigned to it. WW wants D but is too lazy, or scared, to do the work herself.
This is why you have to decide if it is really what you want. If it is then do it for yourself. But don't do it until you are ready because you will be doing her dirty work for her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also wondering about birthday for daughter coming up. Celebrate together or separate?
If she doesn't want to be with you, and physically separates.....then you stop engaging in family celebrations together. She can have a birthday celebration for the child, and you can have another celebration for her. That's how D'd parents do things. You don't continue to play happy family together.
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Feeling like F you go ahead and move on without me. I brought up divorce and W asks if that is what I want and seems to almost cringe. Maybe she is just scared but at this point I do not even want to give the three months I agreed to.
If you make decisions based on emotions, you will regret it later.
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We are splitting everything anyway so why not just D. I honestly can not think of any reason to stay married.
Marriage is more than an accumulation of "things".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Feeling a lot of anger, spite,resentment and like I am fed up frustrated and done. Anyone familiar with feelings like this when the separation gets real. Her dream house we custom renovated is a cluster of anxiety, negative emotion and our lifes of stuff we are splitting. Thousands of dollars are being spent to separate. Now that the money starts flowing reality hits.
Feeling like F you go ahead and move on without me. I brought up divorce and W asks if that is what I want and seems to almost cringe. Maybe she is just scared but at this point I do not even want to give the three months I agreed to.
The amount of work to move and split everything is incredible. Subconsciously I think I knew I would be done if we got to this point.
I love the idea of our family and my W and I. I love the woman she could be. I love the woman inside but I do not have her. I think she is beautiful and that is the hardest part. I honestly may just try to see her as little as possible.
For those that have been following my sitch. Any thoughts options or advice? I guess I should not make a rash decision while I am emotional. We are splitting everything anyway so why not just D. I honestly can not think of any reason to stay married. Maybe I will try to give it a month after my work frees up to see if anything changes. That coincides with D3 birthday.
Did, you are an emotional guy. Just like me. Go for the run next time you feel like this. Talk to someone, write down the pros and cons. It's an important decision and only you will know if it is for you.
Do you want a D? If not, don't do it. If you do want it, well, you know.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thanks everyone for your time and chiming in on my sitch. I am in the new place boxes everywhere but it feels good to be out of our house. Just bad energy and a lot of pain there. Feels like a fresh start or new beginning. W and I worked together a lot moving and packing. We still make a great team. I love the heck out of her but this helpless feeling kills me. I want to hold her hand or touch her leg. Tell her I love her instead of saying thank you and making eye contact. Not sure how to make any progress. I guess just stay true to DB principles. But man I wish we were in bed together laughing and joking.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
She keeps pestering me about beach vacation plans. Because her mom pesters her. We always went for D3 birthday. I will be there for a few days staying with friends. Overlapping with her parents where she will stay. I may get a room for one extra night to have D3 for an overnight. Or just say f it and do my own beach trips w D3.
I would just avoid that entirely and do your own vacation plans with D. We used to do a family vacation every year to Arkansas for hiking, kayaking and caving. After W left we kept going. But without W. She doesn't want you anymore. Give her what she wants.
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Thoughts on celebrating D3 birthday together? I guess it would just be awkward... But maybe good for D if we are all there for her?
Not everyone agrees on this. Personally I felt it was best for the kids if we kept having birthday get-togethers for them jointly (no OPs though). We actually continue that to this day. It was indeed awkward at first, mainly because I wanted to recon and W didn't so there was of course tension. But eventually when I lost interest in recon the awkwardness went away. But some feel separate parties are in order. It really kind of depends on your own personal sitch.
I'm not trying to sound insensitive, but why not just wait until you get back fro the weekend to see your daughter? And if that isn't possible, just pick her up for a few hours while there? It's sounds like WAY to much drama for the situation. If I think that, she will too... and if you are trying to distance.... then do.
On the beach stuff. It is not really any drama. I go thurs-mon am for lacrosse tournament - guys time. W is going to be at the beach that sat - sat with her parents. I have a friend who is allowing me to use his beach house so I plan on picking up my daughter and doing two nights with her at my friends.
Would love some advice on this- how to get desire from my wife. She has helped me move a lot. She did a lot of the packing and I am going to help carry some of heavy things for her tomorrow.
After we are both in our own places.. LRT? Embrace detaching. What about dating? Per Sandis advice leave her alone. Act like a friendly grocery clerk. As soon as we are settled in our own places that is my plan. Those that have been successful in reconciliation I would love to hear from you.
The hardest part is now we get along. W asked about going out to eat the 3 of us today. Something she has not mentioned since separation.
That being said I do not want a friend. I want my W back. Thanks all.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
While physically separated and trying to to DB and embrace LRT. No texting things like have a nice night. Or I hope your move in went smoothly etc. just wait for her to initiate all contact?
Be happy light friendly. Be the lighthouse and the man she would be a fool to leave? I think she is starting to see my 180s are for real. But not sure if she will be able to give us a real chance with both feet in... trying to accept the uknown but it is really hard for me.
We did help each other move and are on good terms. She said she wanted to hug but we were all sweaty and invited me over for a glass of wine once we are settled. She just texted me thanks for your help. Wait a while and say youre welcome... feel like not responding is just mean. But I have seen some say do not respond unless she asks a question. I can not see that working but what I thought would work definitely has not.
At this point she knows I would take her back. I want to change that so she does not know. When she moved out a year ago I was a mess tears etc could barely keep it together. Now I was calm cool collected. Have a good weekend. I am out with our daughter to celebrate and have fun. I have come along way but still a ways to go.
Hope to hear from some that have successfully reconciled or just some more experienced DBers. Thanks!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
