Should I move all her stuff out of the master? I've seen this thrown out there in other threads.
I had a different counselor ask me why I tolerate this affair. I said I can't do anything about it. WW will be angry when she sees this. Someone help me understand this.
New checking account is opening today, I'll be moving funds into it from my old one as my company couldn't change the deposit without more notice.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I would tell her to move out of the MBR unless her A stops and she will move her stuff along with her butt. If she doesn't then give a boundary then move it yourself.
The boundary is as long as you are in an A then you move out of the MBR.
If she says I am not in an A.
Ok show me your phone.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hello all. Just a small update. Last Wednesday, I got home late. WW is awake in bed, light on. I shower and come out to get in bed, WW acts startled like I woke her up. Then complains about me sleeping in the bed. I say "do I really need to explain this again?"
I'm ready to tell her to get the heck out of our marital bed at this point. But I didn't last week, she slept in there with me. Next morning, she said goodbye when she left. Then she texted on her way to work, then called to warn me of a major accident causing traffic.
I tried getting off the phone twice, WW stopped me to ask if I got Snapchat (I did, but got rid of it 5 hours later). She got a notification. WW then asks if I'm going to the lake. I say yes to my mom's. WW asks what my mom thinks. I should have told WW to ask my mom.
WW said last week she was "prolly not ready for counseling", when I was pursuing. She is just keeping me simmering on the back burner.
WW has tried logging into my Instagram a few times too. Got an email saying it looks like you're having trouble logging in. Prolly wants to see my DM's.
Of course I get a 9 AM text message today. During the workday she can talk to me. I didn't respond.
Obviously I am not there yet. Still hanging on. But I'm ready to let go, or at least making progress. I will not answer her questions about my whereabouts. If phone call gets slow or off topic, I will say goodbye and click.
Thinking about using the phrase "that sounds like a question my wife would ask" when she is all in my business.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Act as if you just don't care. You are doing well. She will test you.
You are a centered man that is detached from this unsatisfactory sitch.
I wouldn't move her stuff out if you can stand it. Because you just don't care.
Good job on limiting responses. She will continue to test. She will step up the tests. Stay strong
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
She is being disrespectful by dropping her knickers for an OM.
^^^AMEN^^^
Originally Posted By: ovrrnbw
Should I move all her stuff out of the master? I've seen this thrown out there in other threads.
Yes and no. You should, but the REASON you should do it is because you are sick and tired and fed up and done. Not because it's a technique to get her attention or bring her back. TXHubby is a classic example of what I mean, his W lived in the house while actively engaging in an A and he did everything to placate her and did his version of wimpy DB'ing until one day he woke up, said "what the hell have I become, how did I let myself end up like this" and just like that the switch flipped and he was DONE. He quit caring one whit about his W and went about the business of being awesome. He GAL'd and quit explaining anything to his W, she ceased to be a factor in his life. After a while of this SHE was the one that came back begging to reconcile. And HE was the one that didn't know if he even wanted that anymore. Eventually they did recon, but not until he made her do a lot of hard work (and she did).
So my point is I hope you do get to that point where you are just DONE with her, and you throw her stuff out and cease caring about her reaction to it. I don't think you are there quite yet.
PS, here is a link to TXHubby's summary of what worked for him:
Act as if you just don't care. You are doing well. She will test you.
You are a centered man that is detached from this unsatisfactory sitch.
I wouldn't move her stuff out if you can stand it. Because you just don't care.
Good job on limiting responses. She will continue to test. She will step up the tests. Stay strong
I mean, I feel pretty good when I have the house to myself. I enjoy working in the garage or cooking or just farting around ya know? When she gets there, it's like a dark cloud has entered the house (for me).
My counselor said something like "that must be hard to look at all her stuff, and your pictures". I was like "no, I haven't even thought about it". I guess I'm lucky about that, because her crap in the master doesn't bother me.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
She is being disrespectful by dropping her knickers for an OM.
^^^AMEN^^^
Originally Posted By: ovrrnbw
Should I move all her stuff out of the master? I've seen this thrown out there in other threads.
Yes and no. You should, but the REASON you should do it is because you are sick and tired and fed up and done. Not because it's a technique to get her attention or bring her back. TXHubby is a classic example of what I mean, his W lived in the house while actively engaging in an A and he did everything to placate her and did his version of wimpy DB'ing until one day he woke up, said "what the hell have I become, how did I let myself end up like this" and just like that the switch flipped and he was DONE. He quit caring one whit about his W and went about the business of being awesome. He GAL'd and quit explaining anything to his W, she ceased to be a factor in his life. After a while of this SHE was the one that came back begging to reconcile. And HE was the one that didn't know if he even wanted that anymore. Eventually they did recon, but not until he made her do a lot of hard work (and she did).
So my point is I hope you do get to that point where you are just DONE with her, and you throw her stuff out and cease caring about her reaction to it. I don't think you are there quite yet.
PS, here is a link to TXHubby's summary of what worked for him:
Thank you for the link. The "old me" would love to try this as a way to get her to come back (manipulation). But, I am not "done". So this approach would have no teeth, and would be a gamble.
I think I'm going to head down to Florida next week and do some scalloping and shrimping and fishing. I've been wanting to get down there.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
"that sounds like a question my wife would ask" when she is all in my business."
Don't say this. Just act that way. Treat her like the cashier at Walmart. Answer yes or no questions with yes or no. Keep limiting your responses. When she starts to ask a question your W would ask, just respond that you don't feel comfortable answering that. Action, not words.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
One question, when I see mutual friends, or WW's friends and they ask where WW is? Do I cover for her and say "she is sick/tired/etc" , say "I don't know", or tell the truth - she's with OM.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Always tell the truth. You don't have to elaborate it, create a simple answer.
Your body knows when you are being inauthentic, micro expressions will give you away. You won't feel good on it and it can make you ill.
If there are those you have already misled apologise and say "this was hard for me to say, I apologise for misleading you, WW and I are no longer together. She is with fuckwit Wassock no brain. I am getting my life together and actually I was wondering how you/Your mum/kids/holiday went/are."
It's your business, just make this part of your story.
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
