Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART X

Okay so WAW actually called me today but I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her because I was working and it was busy but basically she had an issue at work that caused her some anxiety (a health issue she's had for years) and she wanted to "bend my ear." So I talked to her for a couple minutes but really had to cut the convo short because it was just too busy at work...she caught me at a bad time. I did make her feel better though but wasn't able to take the time to talk.
I'm sure she'll text me tomorrow when she's at work and that's when I plan to ask her out. Not much of an update, wish I had more time but it was so busy at work I couldn't talk long. I'll draw up my crayon note for her tonight and drop it off at her house tomorrow. Hopefully she'll use Sky Blue or Burnt Sienna to check the boxes off. (I jest with that last part.)

IH: Sorry EW I can't talk right now because I am really busy at work. I am available to talk about it later. Are you free for dinner tonight?

Make it clear that you are not her gay male girlfriend or her therapist.

What LH said...........


Twist "I am planning a luscious meal out join me, I will pick you up at 8"

Can I suggest you Google the HOT APE technique of seduction?

V

i do not think she is interested in a "relationship-relationship" with you right now... you would know if she were... she pulls back every time it seems you are about to make some progress that way... she doesn't want that... while she does take initiative to keep in touch, she does not want to lead you on... for the time being--you ought to move on... maybe don't respond to her at all the next time she gets in touch with you... let her try a couple of times before you react... the thing is, you do want a relationship with her... she knows you do... you really have to be in a place where it matters nada to you... you can say it doesn't matter, but it does... and she knows it...

mis dos centavos--

--artista

Just to clarify the picnic analogy, it just means have your own life and GAL and don't pursue the WAS, it doesn't mean don't ever contact them which is "going dark" (completely different than the picnic). In your case you do need to pursue her a bit though, because you're no longer a LBS and she's not a WAS. You are two people that have had a previous relationship together that are feeling each other out for a new relationship.



I would suggest (as I did before) that you say "Hey, I'm going out to dinner and to watch "XYZ" play on Friday, you're welcome to come along if you want." The whole idea of the picnic is you have a life independent of her, full of fun activities. She's welcome to join if she wants, if not you're going anyway.



I think you're misunderstanding, we're telling you to be more assertive in inviting her along with you. We are NOT telling you to have an R talk. Dating comes first, R talk later.

as you know, i do not advise you ask her out... however, if you do, do not say it like this... i have been asked out like this in the past, and i do not like it... it's too vague... it's the, "if you want" part that is confusing... if you are going to ask her out, then make it clear... stronger...

--artista

Have you read this?

If she says no or dithers then "it's sort your schedule out and when you have let me know". Then go silent until she contacts you, move on with your life. Go GAL you have life to lead.

V

Any updates my friend

Hi One Less,
Well no there was no update until a couple days ago when WAW came walking into my work again. She mentioned that her pet Betta fish had died last time we hung out and I had told her I would bring her a new one next time I was coming over. Somehow the subject of the fish came up and we started to make a plan for Saturday night (last night) but I was working so we kept getting interrupted. So WAW said to give her a call when I was off work to "iron out our plans." So after work we talked and I suggested that I would go to her house, take her to the per store and let her pick out a new fish. Then we stopped for dinner.

Conversation consisted of the usual though... consistently talking about old memories, a bit more about what went wrong with us, and once again there was reference to how her sexual relationship was lacklaster compared to me. She mentioned she was with only one guy since me (except for the initial OM issue which s happened the first couple months after the divorce...which fizzled out within a week back then.) She expressed how she is "man hating" at the moment and that she isn't interested in dating anyone.

Once we returned to her place after dinner and the pet store she said she was going to change into some sweatpants. I had to pee so I went to the bathroom to pee but you have to pass through her room to get to the bathroom so I said do you want me to wait until you're changed and she said "No you've seen me naked hundreds of times." I laughed and said yes it's all previously charted territory. Then at one point I made a joke about an intimate sexual thing about her and she cracked up all embarrassed. She said jokingly that "you need to forget some things" and laughed some more. So I teased her a hot more and then we got onto a different subject. She wanted to make a fire so we went outside and did that.

At one point she thanked me for coming over and said that she's been feeling lonely. This was around the time she mentioned her loss of interest in dating that I mentioned previously. I responded in kind and told her I wasn't too thrilled with the scene as it is either.

On a sidenote, Mary had come back within the past couple weeks wanting to R with me. She had texted about me fixing a computer issue she was having and when I got to her house within about 20 minutes she was kissing me. She told me she loved me so much and that she never really could move on. She said that she told herself that if she ever had a chance to get back with me she was going to try. So in my effort to move on from WAW who I hadn't heard from in a couple weeks I gave it another go with Mary. We never officially got back together because I wanted to go really slow before I committed to her again. I also kind of wanted to stay officially single. So Mary and I hung out, went on a couple dates, etc. Things were going pretty good and Mary was very happy she said.

WAW hadn't contacted me for a couple weeks until she showed up at my work Friday so I figured maybe she was dating someone and our friendship had ended again as we said it would if either of us became involved with someone. I guess I was wrong because she clearly hadn't dated anyone and doesn't have interest in anyone. So I'm not sure what the two weeks of her not contacting me was about but apparently that is irrelevant now since we hung out last night.

Ironically the week before WAW reappeared Mary left again because her Dad, whom she is completely reliant upon for her home and money, disapproved of her seeing me again and then suddenly Mary broke it off. I don't think Mary wanted to but whatever her Dad said to her convinced her to do so. I guess her Dad doesn't think I'm good for Mary because I can't support her and also because "he left you once, he'll probably leave again." So Mary came and went again over the past 3 weeks and then WAW miraculously reappeared.

So here I am single, WAW is single, neither of us really wants to deal with the dating scene. So I guess opportunity presents itself yet again.

So now I'm thinking of being more aggressive this time. I'm going to ask WAW to come with me to a bonfire later this month with some old friends of mine that she also knows. I have got to push a little here now. I know some of you think I should take it slow but I feel like the iron is hot now. This is all happening for a reason. I can't accept it as mere coincidence that we're both single and we hoth want the same things. Talking with WAW it seems to me based on the things she said she wants from a relationship that it's painfully obvious I am all the things she wants. But there is that damned hesitation I sense from her that is keeping this this thing a little too tame for my liking. So I am going to purse her abit. What's the worst that can happen? I'm not going to be pathetic about it though, I'm just going to initiate contact from time to time now. She said herself she's lonely. Also when I called her after work we wound up talking for nearly 3 hours after we made our plan for yesterday. I noticed that when she mentioned things that I didn't do for her that she wished I did sometimes, like going out and socializing more, making dinner once in awhile for her, etc....that she grunted with disgust that I do do those kinds of things now. Like when I mentioned I went on the park... she'd reply with something like "you know how many times I tried to get you off that couch and got out and you never would. Now you are the complete opposite! Why wasn't I good enough to do those things with?!" I would reply with "Hey if a man doesn't learn from his mistakes, he not just an idiot, he's not much of a man either." I told her of course I brought my changes into my new relationships because I didn't want to make the same mistakes again and her heartbroken again."
She didn't confess what I've always suspected...that she asked her friend every week who is friends with me on FB, "How's my ex doing?" WAW said she was definitely keeping tabs on me all these years. She also mentioned how her Step-Dad had asked WAW's Mom back when she first left me and moved back in with them "Why is she so mad at him? She got what she wanted. She got the divorce." WAW said her Mom answered with "Because she didn't want to get divorced but he left her no choice." So I thought that was interesting.

In any event it seems WAW gets a little jealous when she hears that I don't act the same way I used to now. That I do go out a lot, have a much more open mind to doing things, etc. Those are all the things she wanted from me back then so I guess it bothers her a bit but she does say she's happy for me that I have changed.

So that's the update everyone.

Oh and one thing I think is really cool is now when she looks at her fish she will think of me! She told me it means a lot that I got it for her. She said "Thanks for helping your ex out."