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Why do LBH's have this need to continue repeating something they've said to the W? You are chasing after her, and yelling you won't object if she files. She is not listening to your words. She is seeing you chase her.

Look, you have done nothing but watch and persue your W, since the getgo. You've tried doing everything her way, hoping it would persuade her to reconcile........even considering giving up certain custody rights of your other children. You've let her call the shots.......even about letting you stay with her relatives. You will write how she either let you do something or wouldn't let you. And why on earth would you make vacation and summer plans with the kids, that included your W? Why? Whenever we suggest pulling back and detaching, you bring up the summer plans! Do you still think that the more you are together, the better chance you will stand in reconciling? I bet she wanted to engage in those summer activities, didn't she? Why else would she suggest waiting until fall to proceed with the D....or whatever she said.

I have to wonder if you are doing anything to attract your W. As long as you play happy family and try to act as if you are still in a MR with her, I don't think she's going to be interested or feel any need to have more of you for herself. Currently, she has no worries that she'll lose you. She just keeps you dangling and hoping.

Thank you for the feedback, Sandi. Could you please suggest then what I should do. Refuse to agree to a custody order? Not accept staying outside of the marital home? Say I will object when she files? No longer stay over when she is at the M home? Tell her the kids and I are not coming on vaca if she is there? I have a hard time when my daughter is 17 months old. I am not trying to be argumentative, just trying to find the best way to draw boundaries. Thank you.

All your apology did was remind her that you snooped. You had nothing to apologize for. In fact, some here don't even refer to it as snooping as much as gathering intel. Regardless, it shows you haven't detached. The problem is not the snooping it is the not detaching.

I was snooping like mad from BD until the middle of February. I was trying to detach, but the snooping made that impossible. Finally I just was able to really start to detach. And guess what, snooping became unnecessary. Not even because there weren't things to find, but more because once I started to detach the effect on my wife was profound. Detachment really does work. It works to show a difference to your W, but it also has a huge impact on YOU and your actions. And it feels good not to be tied to her actions for your feelings.

So keep working on the detachment. GAL. 180s. Being the best B8 you can be!

And more info. I was never around her. I missed a lot of time with her and the kids and spent more time with my other kids. I thought a 180 would be doing opposite of what I once did. I would always say we signed up for this and then not be back for weeks. It sounds like I am missing something. Thank you for the advice.

You are missing something. Detachment isn't being absent. I too had isolated myself and was withdrawn prior to bomb day. Detachment is being present, but not reacting to her actions and words. Read the detachment thread. So many have the wrong idea of detachment. Detachment isn't ignoring, or being gone.

So yes, you are missing what true, loving detachment is.

Thank you, Steve for the guidance. Read through the thread. So what worked for? I do not talk to her unless she talks to me. I just play with the kids. If she asks me to help with the kids, should I pass?

No, you should help with the kids. Again, detachment isn't ignoring her requests. Doesn't mean you have to fulfill every request, but when it comes to your kids you should always be a father.

Ok thank you for the advice. Much appreciated.

Sandi and Steve or anyone else who wants to chime in,

You were right. All I can say is you were right. After a wonderful week with family on vacation, WAW filed for divorce. I realize now how foolish I was to hoping things would turn around, doing things because I thought my WAW would come back. And I should have listed to you. My false hope and stubbornness and being a NG was my down fall.

Now I know the gloves come off; for me, for my self-respect, and for my growth. I read No More Mister Nice Guy. Our next trip was coming up to see my family in another state. I plan to tell my WAW, I really want all the kids to still be together to see family, but just not with her there. She can drop off the kids and we'll see her when its over.

WAW plan to nest where she leaves the house when I am there with the kids. Is there any other advice you can think of right now while I accept mea culpa? Thank you for your support.

I'm sorry for your pain, but I'm very glad to see that you've read the book and have to decided to take back your b@lls.