Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Afraid of the dark

I know this is tough, but you've got to drop all expectations. You're going dark as a tactic to get a reaction from her when you should be doing it to protect yourself. Use the time away from her to work on yourself. Get out and GAL. Do things to occupy your mind. Don't even think about when she might contact you or what it will mean when she does. You stay dark for as long as you need to. Just keep in mind that going dark doesn't mean being cold/ rude/ indifferent. If she pings you and asks why you are being those then just say that's not your intent, that you feel like both of you need time and space from each other to work through things.

How is it going Ste7e?

All of the advice above is good stuff. The NC is for you not for her. There is no map, no timeline. This period of NC is a gift of time to you. How you choose to use it is what is most important. If you use it to stress over her, or her reactions, or her moves, that means you aren't focusing on you.

Also, can some of the old hands here explain a temperature check in better detail to me. I get the idea that the Ww or WH contacts the LBS to gauge how they are doing. Is that considered a good thing, though? My sense is that the response, if there is one, is short and brief and simply letting them know that the LBS is doing well, taking care of themselves.

Well it finally happened and I had a completely good day today

Good Ste7e,

ride it out enjoy the highs! Keep going and stay well.

Ok so I am starting head up on two weeks if NC
My detachment is getting better day by day
I have been thinking alot about what happens when I need to actually interact with WW again what things I need to say some pointers here would help so that I am prepared and not blindsided

Ste7e,

Awesome to hear! Keep it up, man. I feel so connected/invested in your sitch.

I am talking to the WW tomorrow, for the first time in 2.5 weeks. I am going into it with a positive attitude, but also a plan for what I want to say. I'll certainly let her take the conversation where she wants, and I will listen and validate, but my plan is to keep it on business and logistics. For me, the key is doing it in a good frame of mind. I am going out for a bike ride ahead of time with friends and plan on GALing the whole afternoon. If I need to vent afterwards I plan on calling a good friend and letting it out, but I know she isn't going to hear any of it.

If you want to, run through some things on here that you would want/need to say to her. Remember, only initiate if you need to. If you can let it go, just wait and let her reach out to you first.

Yeah Davide we are living parallel lives ha
Great idea keeping it to logistics
I definately messed that up in my 5 previous R talks over the last 3 months
I would just start emoting ILY and how it could work
But WW wanted no part of that
Oops

Yeah the DB approach is totally antithetical to your emotions
The only positive which came out of the previous talks is I can say well she knows I how feel so I dont need tonsay that again
There is nothing I can say or do to change her mind its her choice
But I am looking good and have really GAL and done almost all my 180s on my list of 25 I made
So maybe she is just a fool