Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Hanging On (Saying ILY Pt. 3)

I thought the same thing, but I found it very odd that she would ask D if I still loved her. That just seems weird...

Just looked at my phone and W had sent me a few pics and a video via text an hour after she dropped the kids off and was being very cold towards me. 3 pics of her and the kids in the van on the way to/from her mom's house. Here's the strange part. The video was of her and the kids in the van singing along to Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" I'm probably looking to much into it, but it kinda seems like a "screw you" type of thing...

MTB

Pay this no mind, it will loop you.

Just move along on your path, detached as always.

A tiny observation if I may, never tel, the kids mommy loves them or both mommy and I love you. It can create cognitive dissonance and it's mind and feeling reading. If asked you can say "I think mommy loves you".

Why the subtle difference?

You don't know what the child is thinking or feeling and if this is a cut off statement. A close down, like a full stop in a sentence and actually you want a comma.

So why do you say that? Is a better statement.

With younger children you may find it hard to stop them blabing about their day with mom. But with older children is just ok to say 'glad you had a great day' and to cut the discussion of activities short (but not that of feelings). Your kids are younger so it's a bit of a shite sandwich at the moment.

When kids are old enough they can make their own videos and texts as needed. You don't have to listen to 'I am standing'. And yes it's an obnoxious message and there are thousands of songs they could be singing that are happy mothers day songs. WTF?

Neither parent should be discussing their R with their kids, giving an age appropriate message, definitely but using them as a go between. No. It's extremely damaging all round. I do other think lying to kids is in any way a good idea, as an adult you become someone they can't trust. So well done on facing this.

You are doing great.

V

Did a lot of thinking last night, and I thought I was to the point of filing for D today. Now I am having second thoughts. I understand this is probably normal. W has become someone that I don't want to be with. Having an A, making poor decisions, and being a crappy parent. My reasons for wanting to file dealt with those 3 issues. I felt that if I filed, I would be protecting myself from any bad financial decisions she makes, have a better chance of having custody of the kids (she is basically nonexistent right now and I believe it would be better for them to be with me), and why would I want to be with someone that is cheating on me...

Today the "what ifs" started creeping in. What if she can change? What if a true R can still happen? What if I'm making the wrong decision? Etc. Again, I know this is probably a common occurrence for LBS's, but filing for D is a really big deal. I took my MR and my vows very seriously. This has got to be one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make. I guess if I'm unsure about it, I shouldn't do it. But then again, I feel like it may be necessary to protect myself financially and the welfare of my kids...

I would take it the same way. Never underestimate the treachery of a WW.

I am morally opposed to D except in the case of PA by a spouse. I think you are pretty safe here. So from a "I took my vows seriously", remember she took a vow to forsake all others.

Also, I don't think now that she as left, her financial decisions can affect you, but you need to talk to a lawyer about that.

You have the moral high ground here mtb, if you file NO ONE would blame you.

Dude i swear we run on the same friggin mental cycles (go look at my thread)
I have been having VERY similar thoughts today. Only difference being that i already filed, put it on hold, took off hold and got my TRO extended on me.

ive been having trouble with the back and forth as i still am not talking to WW other than the text exchange in my thread #5.

I NEVER wanted D, not sure I even do now. Ive been trying to keep myself on track with the "your marraige is over, even if you two get back together it will have to be a totally new MR" mentality to get me through these times.

She literally threw away every sentimental item we owned together.
Including all of out wedding items and her dress.
for some reason this is really standing out to me lately.

im still just grappling between what she did and is doing vs. what she always claimed she wanted and what she felt. two opposites. completely contradictory. it blows my mind.

My struggle has been between withdrawing my D proceedings, which at this point i feel will look like pursuit / weakness / attempt at control vs. letting it move forward which could be a mistake or too early or just simply the wrong coarse of action for me and S3.

I'm sending out a bat signal for Sandi. I don't want to hijack someone else's thread. She gave me good advice in the past, but I failed at executing it properly. Her perspective and advice is invaluable, And I could use a good old fashioned Sandi 2x4 to keep me on track with dealing with my WW...

D had a softball game that W told her she would go to. W di not show up again. My dad was there, and informed me that he called CEFS today. CEFS is giving W rental assistance and other help. W also lied on her application and said the kids were living with her, she was paying for child care, tuition, and giving me money to help pay bills here. All of which are lies. Dad really hates it when people take advantage of the system, so he took it upon himself to report W for fraud. She has a check in appointment with them tomorrow. It kind of pisses me off that he did this because now if they quit giving her assistance, she's going to blame it on me, and I had nothing to do with it. Oh well... not my problem. So I guess I'm gonna have to get prepared for hate calls if $hit hits the fan for her. Again, I realize this isn't my problem and she got herself into a dishonest situation, but I also think my father made the call partially out of spite. And I'm going to be the one that has to deal with any drama that comes from it...