Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My Scenario Pt.5 - Big D and Detaching the Monster

I think that is a mistake. Either request it be removed or not. Plus, even without a RO, WW could still have her mom do the drop-offs and pickups. Remember, you cannot control her.

Ok Steve, ill consider that.
How would you word the "What, Specifically do you want the court to order?" "Why Should the court change the current orders?"

I had written the following.

"What, Specifically do you want the court to order?"
"To amend the protective order to allow WIFE and I to meet and perform pickup/dropoff's of SON, no other discussions to take place during these meetings"

"Why Should the court change the current orders?"
It would be easiest on all parties for WIFE and myself to be able to do child swaps without the need to inconvenience other family members. Also I never harmed or threatened my wife, I feel this protective order paints me in a bad light and would cause bias in any future court proceedings"


How should i reword this?

I only want what is fair for me, my son and others involved in picking up her slack.

Also, Steve, WW COULD have her mother still do pickups and drop offs, but i dont think MIL would be happy at all about being asked to do that after all shes already had to do.

Legal wording isn't my strong suit. Can you consult your lawyer?

Also, on the last point, your MiL sounds like an enabler for your W. I am guessing she'd still do the pickup and dropoffs, but you know them both better than I do.

I wish I could say I expect reality to settle in, soon. But once this A ends, I suspect she will move on to OM#2. She uses people and moves on, from what I've gathered. If she can't maintain female friendships, she'll rely upon the males by throwing out enough breadcrumbs to get whatever it is she needs from them. I can't remember if she found a job, but if she doesn't work, she'll depend on her parents or other men to basically support her financially.

As long as she does not need anything from you.......I look for her to keep her distance. Be very leery of any "sudden" moves from her. For instance, if she suddenly shows up unannounced or suddenly picks up S3 instead of MIL. If she suddenly suggests meeting somewhere "to talk"........it's probably a trap. WW's are very selfish and look to see how they can benefit in situations. When the A ends and if she needs money......she may suddenly make an appearance or text you asking how you are, as if nothing ever happened. She knows your hangouts, so she may make a point to show up at the same place.


If her resources start getting thin......she may suddenly make contact to temp check you. She'll want to judge your emotional attachment to her and the MR. Usually, when a WW approaches the H, it is not in a straight forward manner where she lays all her cards on the table. She'll still be playing her deceitful games. She'll try to feel you out, first.

There are a few reasons I think she'll go that route. She cut and ran; she is immature; she is young and attractive; she apparently has some emotional/physical support from her parents; this is a behavior pattern; she has secrets she refuses to reveal; it is a common route for rebellious W's; and, it is easier to start a new relationship than fix the old one.



I understand, but she may see that it is easier to cut & run in her relationships than to give accountability. Here's the thing, Orange. You need drop the idea that she is going to have that talk with you. I think it is unlikely she'll ever bring up the discussion. At least, not in the fashion you are thinking about. She would really have to be out of options before submitting to it, IMHO. Thinking back, do you recall much accountability from her in the M?



Just be courteous, but never ask about your W or act as if you are fishing for information.



I had written about it in my previous post, and then deleted it, b/c I felt I was repeating myself. I will sound judgmental, but the way the entire dating went, seems pretty wild to me. However, I admit I have old fashion standards. The most disturbing, was the pregnancy........and the fact she refused to answer your questions about her past. It's too bizarre.

Let me ask you something. Did she pretend to be having a period every month? This is important, so please answer. Were you like some husbands who know when it's time for their W's period? I don't think my H marked the calendar every 28 days, but he knew when I was having my period. Here's the thing. If she pretended to have a period, and she hid the pregnancy with no intention of telling you about the baby........that was calculated deception.......and it would be enough for some men to question every part of the relationship.



Yes, I did.

She has a job, its her new lifeblood. It was the catalyst for all this drama. As soon as she got that new job is when she pretended to be single online and began hunting for OM.
When we lived together our finances were separate, i expect she blew a lot of her money on frivolous stuff, and dates with OM.
She will mooch off her parents (i suspect FIL is paying for her new apartment, or OM, or a combination of both)
She doesn't make a lot of money but is on an upward path in her job, assuming she can actually commit to a job for a few years. Its an apprenticeship program, shes contracted to stay there for about 4 years due to free tuition. If she leaves or gets fired it will cost her $$$. Shes never had a single job longer than 3 years.



I am trying to be hyper vigilant of this type of surprise.
So far nothing forthcoming but i suspect i may see this occur by the end of the year.
When you say she may "need" something from me, besides money, which i think she knows full well i wouldnt give her, what else could she try to get from me?




If not straightforward, what are some subtle temp checks to look out for?
When you say resources, do you mean specifically money, or do you refer to the "resource" of emotional attention, i.e. "SUPPLY" (i hate the term)



I definitly expect her to keep moving forward with her "Salt the earth" tactics with new men after OM#1.
At the same rate, once she new her EX was in a stable relationship, and her and I were dating, she would text him all the time (i didn't find out about this till after BD from her EX's current wife, who feels traumatized by my WW, WW wouldn't leave them alone and when WW's EX's Wife called her out on it WW totally FLIPPED OUT. Ive seen the screenshots from this conversation. It occured shortly after WW and I moved in together)

But she does follow patterns, and keeping up with her EX's discreetly after the fact seems to be a big piece of it.
She didn't bother him until he was with another woman, like she has this sense of ownership that doesn't flare up until she KNOWS her EX has moved on.
She would try to make him jealous with details of our R. When he didn't care, she kept up her efforts. Even asked him to get coffee after WW and I were married. One thing her EX said to me that stands out (keep in mind WW is a petite, shy, cute little thing) "Wow, i cant believe she really is that messed up, it really explains why she got so volatile towards the end of our relationship"

So im not sure what to expect, her to forget about me and move on when her drama is focused on OM#1 and the eventual OM#2, or if she will repeat her beahviors from before with the hoovering and fake niceities.






I have dropped it, id still like it to happen but i accept that it wont.
I think if she ever brings it up it will be framed in an apologetic/remorseful fashion but without admitting to anything specifically and having excuse after excuse for her behavior. She will continue to try and justify it, even while being nice and falsely remorseful.
Accountability - From her? Ha. No.
She backed into someones care and then because there wasnt cameras she blamed it on the person that she backed into and was irate when the insurance deemed it was 50/50 fault.
She manufactures situations where she is 100% accountable and blames it on others.



Good. Ive been on track here then at least.




Be blunt, you wont offend me. It is very bizarre. I was a blind fool not to see the red flags popping up as early as they did.



Her explanation for the pregnancy was this.
"My GYNO had me skipping the placebo pill at the end of each pill cycle so i wouldn't get my period, as its been really painful lately. Its fairly normal from what she tells me, and is an easy way to regulate the cycle and have less discomfort"
She showed me the pill box and explained the different colored pills and why her GYNO had her doing this. She said thats why she never noticed any skipped periods.
It was early on in our R so i hadnt really taken note of her cycle at that point.
It was 100% calculated deception. She told her friend about the baby in July and was all excited it was moving. I didnt find out until Oct that year, when my son was due in 3 months.


I understand if this is not a topic you want to elaborate on in a public forum, anonymous though it may be.

"Her explanation for the pregnancy was this.
"My GYNO had me skipping the placebo pill at the end of each pill cycle so i wouldn't get my period, as its been really painful lately. Its fairly normal from what she tells me, and is an easy way to regulate the cycle and have less discomfort"
She showed me the pill box and explained the different colored pills and why her GYNO had her doing this. She said thats why she never noticed any skipped periods. "

That is a lie. The placebo pills do nothing, except keep her in the habit of taking a pill everyday. The thing that triggers the period is NOT taking the actual BC pill that week. I can't link outside sources but look this up.

I had it wrong Steve,

She was doing this, or at least this was her claim.

"But it's possible to prevent your period with continyous use of any birth control pill. This means skipping the placebo pills and starting right away with a new pack. Continious use of your birth control pills works best if you're taking a monophasic pill - with the same hormone does in the three weeks of active pills"
~Mayo Clinic Website

Ok yes that makes more sense. I thought she meant she just didn't take the placebo pills and that prevented her period. However, was she really refilling her prescription every 3 weeks? When my wife was on BC I always knew when she started the next pack because her, I or both went to the drug store to get the refill.

Not entirely sure.
She got pregnant on purpose, i know this now. So the particulars dont much matter. It was a deliberate deception.

Her EX that had dumped her because of her BS before her and i got together had recently had a child. She was trying to one up him somehow. I've come to realize A lot of our early relationship was dictated by her previous one, and where it failed.

As i expect a lot of her relationship with OM has subconscious connections to me. Explains why they have gone and done all things that WW and I had planned on doing before we split. All activities we had talked about sharing with S3 are now being done with her an OM.
She always connects to her previous situations with her current ones somehow seemingly.