Her: I don't want to give you false hope or mess with your head. And I am a hot mess for sure and am really trying to figure out my [censored]. But I've been thinking a lot and I've wondered a lot if therapy is still on the table?
I guess you didn't see that coming... Sorry
Me: I'm willing to consider it. We've had a lot of really good times and connections together, but we also have a lot of baggage.
You not being involved with another man would be a prerequisite for us going to therapy.
Her: I thought that was a given.
Me: communication is important, so I wasn't assuming anything was a given
Her: Fair
At that point I excused myself and said I had to go, and that we'd talk later. Not sure how to move forward with it at this point.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
she responded with "We can chat later, it's fine. As I said, I'm just working through stuff in my head".
--- Part of me is wondering if this is sincere, or it it's just her temp checking me. I don't want to respond TOO enthusiastically.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
No, I haven't asked. I know that things may not be going totally smoothly, but no specifics.
She also said she understood that her not being involved with him was a given as a pre-requisite.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
Where i cannot talk to W, the whole situation with OM is kinda driving me batty. I dont think things are going all that well but they are still GOING. However i really have no way of knowing that for sure other than photos ive seen through 3rd party people. She doesnt look well, stressed and faking smiles, but who really knows whats going on in her head.
I would imagine OM thinks things are going well, but i know how good she is at acting when she wants to.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Anyone have any suggestions here on how I should proceed?
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
reframe, big sign. The fact that she admitted that she is "a hot mess" is huge. My wife had a similar moment. It was after I discovered she was still messaging guys (all 15-20 years younger than her!) on a dating site. She said: "I don't know what I am doing!" very exasperatedly, and remorsefully too. It was a "I am a hot mess" moment. It was after further MC sessions, and a trip to a marriage retreat (faith-based, where she had one big rebellious moment on the trip), that she finally verbally stated she wanted to stay in the marriage.
All of her actions since then have been aligned with that stated desire.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
reframe, I have followed your story and I have to say this seems like a huge turning point! But you are right to not get over-excited. I'm sure you already have, but you should reread the thread about LBS taking their WAS back too easily/quickly. Perhaps it will help you with your next step. It is a long road and you are nowhere near out of the woods, but I would kill for my W to have a similar convo with me. Congrats man and keep your nose to the grindstone, sounds like what you are doing is working .
M: 26 W: 26 M: 1.5 T: 3 No kids BD: 31 March 2018
W's affair began: 23 March 2018 Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018 Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018 Ended in-house separation: July 2018
She asked if she could walk the dogs tonight (instead of taking one of them) and said I could join.
I think that is harmless enough. I'll walk the dogs with her and talk in person. I think my position needs to be:
"If the relationship with OM is fully terminated, I am willing to go to a neutral and supportive third party and see if we have anything worth saving. No guarantees that we do"
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
.