Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Advice on my scenario pt. 2

Sandi,

I dont ask about W with MIL at swaps.
I just discuss our son, say "Have a great day" and thats about it.

thanks for the support. I do use the forum as a way to come here and vent so i dont send some errant text to W.

As far as she knows im happy and doing my own thing.


But, yes. It is quite maddening. I have a rough time mentally compartmentalizing.

I get very frustrated when i pick up my son and he talks about spending time with W and OM.
OM shouldnt be a part of y sons life, not yet anyway, and he has been for almost a year its effecting my sons views of parenting, family and honesty. I hate it.
Poor guy. Is confused and uprooted. 😞

My adult son went through that experience, too. All his kids could talk about was OM. I told him that OM had to win their acceptance. He would buy things, take them places, and give lots of attention to the kids. I told my son that their daddy did not have to win them over, and not to worry b/c it wouldn't last. Sure enough, it didn't. But I saw the raw pain in my child, and it was such a helpless experience as a mom. He felt as if he was being replaced in their lives.

Orange, no man will ever replace you in the heart of your son. It's just natural for a kid to talk about something new, but it will wear off. Try not to let it eat you up, and let's pray the OM is good to him whenever he's around your child.

((hugs))

Thanks Sandi.

W and OM have been taking him to do all sorts of fun stuff that i cant afford to do right now. Money has been hard since she left and i had to leave our apartment.

RO MIGHT get lifted in a week and a half but if it does im not going to reach out.

OM is trying to "buy" your son's affection and score points with your W. Whereas, Daddy can do simple things with S3 and the boy is just as happy, if not more so.

My father had developed health problems by the time his youngest grandson was born. The little boy was about 4 when my dad passed away, and today he is a grown man. His fondest memories of being with his grandfather was them in the back yard and Dad showing him how to use a little rod&reel and pretending they were fishing. It was their special time together. I get choked up when I think what a simple little thing can stick with a child for the rest of his life.

I know everyone says that ALL relationships with OP never work out, what is it that is the most common reason for that type of Affair relationship To break down and fall apart?

Almost all *

I believe it is usually the unhealthy nature of how the A started. Things that are planted in bad soil rarely grow healthily. I'd have to think that if it did last to marriage that you would always wonder if they other person would do the same thing to you that they did to their previous spouse.

Thanks Steve,

Time will tell I guess. I know ill get no answers or indications until after the RO goes away.

She has still been very much hidden away compared to her usual social media presence / social life. I cant imagine the public blow back of what she did hasn't had some ill effects on her daily life. Our social circles were pretty well meshed, the only people she really has now are the new friends she made at her new job that she vilified me to.

I had an awesome weekend with my friends and my son, so today is good.

Update / Advice?:

As i have had to do all of my child swaps and whatnot through my mother in law, communications is a pain.

I just asked my mother in law to inquire about the denim jacket my son has that used to be long to my deceased brother when he was a toddler. My other brother and I both wore this coat as children, but it is mostly important because it was originally my dead brothers. Big sentimental value.

I KNOW AS A FACT that W has this jacket, as OM posted a photo of my son wearing it like 2 weeks ago.

I asked my MIL to let my wife know I'd like it back as id like to get photos of him in it for my mom before it doesnt fit him.

MIL's Response: "She said she thought you had it, she will look for it and send it over if she finds it"

Here's the rub: W doesn't know I can see things OM posts on IG, as OM has me blocked. I have a friend of a friend that sends stuff over that's relevant if OM Posts it (Note: I DID NOT ASK for this to occur, chalk it up to good intentioned friends trying to do right by me i guess)
So do I,

A.) Pretend i dont know about the photo that got posted of him wearing the coat in question and just hope she returns it?

B.) Politely tell MIL i know as a fact W has the coat and dont say specifically why, and that I dont appreciate being lied to?

C.) Send screenshot of the photo in question, thereby proving 100% that W has the coat and i know that she does, thereby blowing my cover with OM's IG page? (btw she lies to her mom a lot so MIL probably genuinely believes what she said to me about W looking for it)