Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Picking up Her MESS #3 and is getting Worse

Thanks for passing by Marina. It is hard to let all go, somewhere inside there is the spark waiting to ignite. But life goes on and you must count the wins.

Your XW must fight her demons herself but first she must face them. It is her journey.

Take care of you and your health. Take care of your children. Live your life.

(((marina)))

Update and journaling,
Well not much here in my world all I can say what I have learn is Patients,forgiveness and is a slowwwww process.

I thought once I filed my S10 would be home already but it's been the longest battle I have fought my whole life S9 and d10 are doing great mentally I honestly would had been in worse shape if it wasn't for my 3 kids. I see s10 every other weekend and other 2 kids go with XW every other weekend's I don't have them.

XW is still lost I see angry sometimes, happy or just sad. XW has not monster in a while but this weekend XW monster about taxes and XW vehicle not working and it was all my fault I honestly said sorry you feel that way but I gotta go. I realized I had a panic attack when XW monster on me I felt my chest caving in I couldn't breathe I simply said bye and drove off.

I am praying for all this to be over soon with my s10 he needs to be home with us. My therapist suggested a Feeling box which me and kids did a Feeling robot they write there feelings down and put in the Robot well my s10 wrote some of his feelings all I can say my son is mentally broken and in lots of pain where d10 and s9 been in therapy for over 6months and they are in a better place mentally. I feel the system to protect our kids have failed me all I hear from Gal and my lawyer is this is a process but in my mind and my thoughts is while this is a process my kids are breaking down because they been separated. So sad to see our kids hurt and we can't save them just be there when break downs happens.

I have been taken care of myself as much I can I still have my breakdowns and am myself sometimes in a fog I feel hopeless but there is days I am strong mentally and physically.

I have had 2 breast surgery to remove cysts now getting ready for 2nd surgery for my nerve pain stimulator that was place in my spine it has shifted and moved and replace new wires so basically redoing surgery I had done almost a yr ago.

Kids and I try to do as much we can especially any events that are free as you know not working, XW and I still in process court to get s10 back with me and child support. Lawyers bills piling up I pay them what I can. Financial am so screwed is scary to not know what next month could bring we live a day at a time. As long rent and bills are paid and enough food to eat we are bless.

I was once a stander but XW has done so much damage is crazy the thought of how can I even look pass what XW has done. XW has said couple of times that she would die if anything happen to me. I will always be her love of her life blah blah blah...XW tries to yoyo me back in but I won't fall for it. I know this much W is very selfish till this day W has not offer me anything food or even money so sad to see someone I knew no longer that person who once was an amazing W and mom. Now I am scared when W has the 3 kids together. They take care of themselves XW is either sleeping or on her phone or snapchat.

Thank you everyone for letting me vent.

Well, you are taking good care of your children. Be proud of that. Wishing the best for you and your family. Bad times are not forever.

Keep strong Marina

You are a good mom, Marina. Your love for and focus on your kids is wonderful.

Remember that all they need is one parent to be solid. You can be the rock for your kids, your constancy toward them, even your son who is suffering the most, can bring them through this difficult time and help them understand that there is always someone who loves them as they should be loved. My son has suffered so much with my H's crisis but I have to believe God has a plan for them, as long as we keep giving all the love we can, no matter what happens.

Gerda,
Yes I have said the same thing God has a plan this is no longer my story this is now God story. I literally have let go of the wheel and told God please take over. Now I take it a day at a time.

My kods have truly been my strength I know I must keep pushing forward and not look back. But it hurts to see them hurt. I just sometimes don't get it but I again don't question God I know he has a plan.

A day at a time

Well well well...

Today I finally said Hello to OW... I think am over W.

Lesson for us all..........get a better driver behind the wheel.

It great to hear from you Marina, even if the news isn't great.

I am relieved about the cysts being benign too, that had me concerned somewhat.

You and the children remain in my prayers.

V

Journaling and updating,
Well I got some great news. I take this for now.
Summer schedule is 1 week with me and one week with W this is the first time in a yr and 4months that W will have all 3 for 7 days and W can't separate them they must stay together and if W has to go to work or as before W has said I had things to do W can't just drop them off at family W must call me and give me at least two hours for me to pick them up.

I have made several proposals but W refused all finally what I heard is GAL needed to threaten to do this the hard way. Smh W literally doesn't see her behavior is out of control it still hurts to see W so angry when things don't go her way. Hoping things soon will turn around for kids sake and ours. My plan is for kids to be with me during school year and W could see anytime.

W literally has the ball in the court still I know my kids need both parents I have volunteered for W to come every night and tuck them in I have volunteered to take kids to meet her for dinner, I have volunteered to leave my own home for her to spend couple hours with them W still refuses everything. As many know I am having several surgeries up coming still not working I have volunteered to watch during the morning her week because W works W replied back to GAL that's giving her still more time. When I am trying to save her money W rather spend money to put them in daycare. I am seriously so confused. I am trying to understand W and everything I do W comes back monstering at me and still treating our Kids like crap. I honestly have let God deal with W and for him to protect our kids.

And as for me. I was so happy when I got the news but then anxiety kick in, this is the first time I'll not have the 3 kids this is the first time am alone. I have kept ourselves busy with therapy,volunteering going to divorce groups for me and kids but it has always been us now next week am alone. My therapist is going see me 2 or 3 times next week she said she will make herself available during the day just to come in. Also am going volunteer in pantry. Go watch a movie ect. But in reality is easier said than done so I am trying to sike myself out that everything going be ok.

So this my update I still have my moments of WTF happened. I hear so many stories I am waiting to see when will I see W in next faze but W is just angry so angry there's days I see her sadness. Of course I heard from kids that W said she is truly in love and ml was singing your in love my daughter. Again I get that wtf moment who can approve there children's behavior I know that W mom is one of those mom that loves chaos and edges her kids if they unhappy come back home. Where my mom will kick my butt if I acted that way and put me in place. I guess I will never get it. I will never understand what happened. Today is more of a what happened what I could have done to save my marriage. Is just today I know tomorrow will be another day.

Marina

So pleased that the courts are going to keep the kids together. W won't find it easy.

Honey, this is difficult for you but it's a great first step.

I am here to listen if you need me.

V