Steve - Time isn’t a gift yes it is. However; I’ve been giving soo much time!! It [censored].
M - what I’m struggling with is that still after all this bullshit I still love her. Call me crazy; but I’m struggling with letting go; and not being in her life or having her in my life.
Art - I understand. Last time I told her I was ok with her filling she broke down; sure it was prob a bit of manipulation; but she hasn’t said or done anything since. So I’m not sure. I’m not sure she wants anything “from me”... she’s held up on her own poop.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
So all of that drama was just to see if she could get you back again. When she saw she could, then it was back to playing her game of not knowing what she wants.
Here's the thing, is she going to go through this again when mid-life hits? I would not place bets against it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
First, what sandi2 and Vanilla said... Secondly, I want to know what she wants FOR you... Not from you... Has she shared with you what she hopes for you?
Hey everybody. It is crazy to think how long I have been on this board. You all are so wonderful for taking time to help others.
I am pretty much in the same place I was a couple weeks ago. We hang out occasionally, but nothing transpires from it. She has not proven to me she wants to leave the OM and pursue a future with me. She is still "stuck" not knowing what shes wants, but she knows she doesn't want to close the book on us yet. Script (am I right?). She keeps saying she wants the best for me, and she knows if we split up she will never find someone as good as me, and that I deserve better than she can give me. Maybe not "keeps saying", but has mentioned this in the past conversations we have had this year.
I was doing so good with GAL before I reconnected with her on February to split up the wedding gifts. Ever since that day, I have kind just been sad and dopey. I try not to show it around her at all, but I can't help but believe she sees it a bit. One thing I defiantly has changed is my Mr. Nice Guy attitude with her. I am completely direct with her now, even if I know she won't like my responses.
I am just still stuck in this limbo, and I told myself once my bday hits this month I would not be able to live like this anymore. I want companionship, someone to share this quick life we have on Earth, someone to go on adventures with, and someone to be happy with - without changing who I am. So...time's up W.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Hi, Chris... So why have you allowed this limbo. She has not given up OM and you still hang out with her? She doesn't want to close the book on "us" yet? When? When she's ready to move on with OM or OM2?
Why are you of the frame of mind that says, "you do not want to give up OM? Then you have already closed the book on US!"???
Why are you letting her call that shot? She wanted you when she couldn't have you... You gave her your power...
It is crazy to think how long I have been on this board.
Less than 8 months, that's not long although I'm sure it seems like FOREVER to you!
Quote:
She has not proven to me she wants to leave the OM and pursue a future with me. She is still "stuck" not knowing what shes wants, but she knows she doesn't want to close the book on us yet. Script (am I right?).
Yup, you are exactly right. She is cake-eating, and she'll keep that going for as long as you let it. You need to put a stop to it ASAP. She's not going to come back as long as you let this situation persist.
Quote:
I am just still stuck in this limbo, and I told myself once my bday hits this month I would not be able to live like this anymore. I want companionship, someone to share this quick life we have on Earth, someone to go on adventures with, and someone to be happy with - without changing who I am. So...time's up W.
Of course you want that, we all want that. In my case it took ME pushing the D through, after which I met a beautiful young sexy woman that is all of that to me and much more. Sometimes the path to happiness is recon, and sometimes it's moving on. But here's the thing, your path to happiness is not to stay the course and keep the status quo. You are STUCK right now. It's time to get unstuck. So Chris, what does getting "unstuck" look like to you? What are your goals SANS wife and how do you achieve those goals? Work on that and maybe your W will come back. Or maybe you'll find someone else. But you've got to CHANGE what you're doing before either of those opportunities will present themselves.
