[quote=Amoafwl]What do you mean “caught her”? I mean...it isn’t like she’s trying to hide it, right?
As a matter of fact she has been hiding the affair. She has told everyone that knows that he is out of the picture. She told me three times that it was over. But the things she was doing gave her away. thru my earlier snooping I discovered where he lives and this weekend I was running around and went past there and her vehicle was in the drive.
Joejoe1 thanks for the reassurance I needed that to keep me on track and stay with the essentials.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Let go of this OM issue. The problem isn't him it's your WW. When you talk about him you give him more validity, you make yourself look weak. Do only the things that make you look strong.
Most Waywards think that the other person is meant for them and that all their problems will be fixed by moving on. But when reality sets in the LBS is strong and made all the changes that the wayward wanted. They move on to this new person to start over and find out that the other person isn't perfect and nobody is perfect including themselves.
I have not said anything to her about him since the last time she claimed that he was out of the picture and the A was over. I also realize that she has a fantasy about him from when they were in high school.
Originally Posted By: joejoe1
Like AS says you have to push the AP and the WW closer together, so the WW have to live outside the fantasy and deal with real life issues without the LBS in the picture.(a scary thought right). The only thing that can break a fantasy is reality. You pulling away is a wake up call and a part of reality. The person that had their back far so long is pulling away and this new person has to pick up all that slack
The thing about this OM is her family does not care for him at all so she is still in this secret relationship which as we know keeps excitement at a high level. The OM lives in a different town also, so they only meet over weekends for now.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
But the things she was doing gave her away. thru my earlier snooping I discovered where he lives and this weekend I was running around and went past there and her vehicle was in the drive.
I have no plans for the info. we live in a no fault state as far as D is concerned. I also know that knowing this only hurts me and makes it tougher for me to move on. She has moved out of our home and into an apartment, yet she still has belongings in the home. I planned on addressing that last night along with other financial issues such as boarding fee for horses, that I think she needs to find somewhere else for the trailer and horses, what I am willing to do as far as buyout and when she will remove the rest of her belongings. However she kept texting that she would be later than agreed, so I finally postponed to today. I am thinking about canceling tonight to get this more on my grounds. She has not mentioned the D papers since last week and I am concerned that this talk will push the D forward. I know she still intends to D me, but I am not sure how this will make me look if I wait for her to address it or I bring it up. Can someone who has been here a while give me some advice.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
She has not mentioned the D papers since last week and I am concerned that this talk will push the D forward. I know she still intends to D me, but I am not sure how this will make me look if I wait for her to address it or I bring it up. Can someone who has been here a while give me some advice.
What should I do about this will it show her that I am pulling away if I initiate the discussion?
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
She has not mentioned the D papers since last week and I am concerned that this talk will push the D forward. I know she still intends to D me, but I am not sure how this will make me look if I wait for her to address it or I bring it up. Can someone who has been here a while give me some advice.
What should I do about this will it show her that I am pulling away if I initiate the discussion?
Don't initiate it. The only way I would is if you want to be the one to file. Then gauging where she is in the process would help you know if you needed to move forwarded. If that is not your sitch then no good can come to you initiating except to nudge her in moving forward with it.
The only time I initiated D talk with my wife was after I spoke to a lawyer and he suggested I be the one the file. I then talked to my wife and her only movement on it was to look up an online quickie divorce that wouldn't even work in our situation (because we have a child).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have been following that as much as possible. I know she has had her lawyer draw up papers and agreement on who gets what. She wanted to know dollar amounts for the agreement, but has not asked for more info since then. I am caring for the horses and dealing with the items she left in the house which are quite numerous. She also still has a key to the house.
I did not intend to bring up the D only the financial issues concerning her still paying half the mortgage and me a fee for caring for the horses. However, I am sure that will lead to her discussing the D and moving forward.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
