Thanks N......I am happy with myself and my confidence is really strong. I still have some weak moments from time to time and thoughts of my STBXW flare up but they are getting less and less. Walking is becoming a lot easier. I had dinner at a friends house last night and they asked if I had thought about starting to date yet. I told them I have had those thoughts but at minimum I wanted to wait until the D was final and even when it is I still don't think I am quite ready yet.
I will admit that I am finding it slightly challenging to completely let go but I think that has more to do with me and fulfilling my vows until the end. For example, we are trading cars tonight so I got the one I am driving serviced for her so she wouldn't have to mess with it for a while. I know probably not my responsibility but I find myself doing things like that so when the D is final I can walk away with my head held high. I do it for me, not necessarily for her but I still possess those husband instincts. I am hoping that once the D is final something will click in my brain that will allow me to say that my journey is complete.
Joseph9, I understand when you say you do it for yourself. Because at the end we are the better person I have also been ask those questions why am I still nice, or I told W if she needed my truck on snow days is hers. I honestly didn't do it for her to see we she get back together I did it because this is me I will give my shirt to someone who needs it. One thing I told myself was I won't let W change me to be a bitter person or hateful I will keep being me. The person I know I am.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
I agree, I wanted to stay true to myself throughout this entire process and I believe I have done that. She has only seen strength, confidence and someone that will not waiver.
J9 someone said the following statement to me which really stuck in my head... "Getting D'ed is going to open up some amazing $hit" I believe this applies to you.
Do you even know how much you helped other people on this board... prob not, but you have.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
BH....thank you for the kind words. You never know who reads and follow ups on your sitch's but hopefully I have been able to pay it back and inspire some others.
I am excited for what the future holds, I really believe the next half of my life is going to be awesome and I am going to find an amazing partner to share it with. That makes me really smile!
The crazy thing is that I don't see the same excitement from my STBXW. She was more excited when she first moved out than what she is showing now. I assume that when she moved out that was really when the D happened in her eyes so now that initial rush no longer exists. If that is the case then she has fallen into the same patterns as she did before with her moodiness, depression and really never knowing what person your going to get day to day. Which is the same stuff she has battled for a long time.
She had a real crappy childhood and unfortunately it is rearing it's ugly head later in life. I have empathy and compassion for her and really wish her nothing but the best.
I just have to journal this as my ice princess W just called me baby. I about fell out. We were doing vehicle swap and I had a coupon for the car wash that I was handing her and she said.....I didn’t wash this one why don’t you keep it baby.......she looked at me and said oh that was awkward and I said yeah a little bit and then The subject got changed.
I mean 8 months of ice princess and she calls me that in her normal tone of voice that I am used to for the past 17 years.
Don't get swayed by her calling you baby. It means nothing. She will soon revert back to the ice queen. Just you watch. Do not mistake this for any kind of a good sigh. It is not. She still has waaays to go. She is not baked yet, not nearly.
As to her enthusiasm when moving out, again you are using yourself as the cause. You are not the cause. The simple fact is that she has been holding you responsible for her unhappiness for so long that when she decided to move out, she thought that now that you are out of the picture, everything will be aces. Well her rose colored glasses shattered some and she is beginning to realize that it is not the case. Her divorced life is not going to be all roses and champagne and frankly I think it scares her something awful. She has yet to wrap her brain against it all.
