Of course I have come a long way and should be grateful. It just seems I am sooo close, I am getting impatient. I have to constantly remind myself that it is a game of patience more than anything else.
Wednesday night date night went well. We went and hit some golf balls, then went to get dinner. Went home and ML all night long. Very nice. H held me so very close all night and the next morning, I thought he would suffocate me.
Next day, he was back to being a bit cool and aloof. Thurs night out w/ friend, we went home and fell into bed and just slept. H didn't hold me until closer to a.m. and then just gave a quick hug goodbye.
Today, we will meet at lunch and hit more balls. I plan to be a bit aloof back to him to see if I can draw him in. Each time I act a bit disinterested, he comes closer to make sure I am not really leaving him behind.
Quote: Next day, he was back to being a bit cool and aloof.
Remember my Itchy Butt Theory? Sometimes you think it's about you, when in reality they're just distracted because they have a rash on their butt that day and it itches? (True story about my H ) ACT, don't REACT.
Rottzilla, Thanks for your encouragement over on my thread. We both know it - patience is the hardest, but most useful tool we have. If I learn nothing else, that would be it. My whole life and career has been centered around being a probem solver, finding solutions, and making things happen. Just the wrong tools for dbing and sometimes marriage in general. I always want to "fix" whatever is wrong. No wonder my H thinks I'm controlling.
I have several times ASSumed looming disaster because of something H said or did, and 99% of the time I was completely off base. My new-found patience, a constant struggle for me, has really paid off big time. Each time I feel it running out and want to push for an answer or more progress, I remind myself of how patience has really made things work much better in specific past instances. Remembering those previous successes really strengthens my will to be patient in the present moment.
I have also finally realized that my H likes to process things a loooong time before he comes forward with something. So, sometimes a lot is happening but you just have to wait. If you push too early you might get a different, less welcome answer than if you went with H's timetable. Example, I think if I had asked my H to give me a specific date by which he would be moving out, I believe he would be gone by now. The one thing I won't budge on is the one that forces me to develop patience - that his decisions on what he wants must be made without any input from me. I really think the fact that he has to do it alone and that I have been very patient has also kept him from leaving. Patience is our friend (but she's one big pain in the butt).
Hi Rot, Just checking in on you and I see that you are doing a great job. The patience part is a bitch, isn't it?
Quote: I have also finally realized that my H likes to process things a loooong time before he comes forward with something. So, sometimes a lot is happening but you just have to wait. If you push too early you might get a different, less welcome answer than if you went with H's timetable. Example, I think if I had asked my H to give me a specific date by which he would be moving out, I believe he would be gone by now. The one thing I won't budge on is the one that forces me to develop patience - that his decisions on what he wants must be made without any input from me. I really think the fact that he has to do it alone and that I have been very patient has also kept him from leaving. Patience is our friend (but she's one big pain in the butt).
I love this, In4Ride! Mind if I paste it into my thread? I'll credit you
Thanks Azure, thanks Ride. Hey everyone. Just checking in. Had a great weekend, H has been very understanding to me, we have been doing nice things for each other. We watched another 1/2 hour of marriage breakthrough last night. I feel a bit of distance from H. It is par for the course at this point in our lives that he sometimes isn't right there with his emotions up near the surface.
It was great, though, last night when we talked about our LLs. We both told each other what we thought the other's LLs were, and we were both right on. That's good, right?
All in all, things have been much, much worse, and they do appear to be getting better. The roller coaster continues as it always has, not bucking me off the ride, but rather gently rolling along.
I began taking Trim Spa, in the hopes it will break my plateau. I have lost 2 lbs in the 5 days of taking it, but am also working out hard along with it. It's expensive, but worth it if it works.
Hope for me y'all. Not only do I want to lose weight for myself and for H to be more attracted to me, but also I think I am borderline diabetic (always had hypoglycemia) and my blood pressure is through the roof. It's really important to me to get down the 50 lbs I have to lose, so I can be healthy.
Hi Rottz, just stopping by to see how you are....I'm gonna post some goals as you suggested pretty soon!
It sounds to me like you are still cruising along very steadily in the right direction, although I know how darn hard it is to be patient!
I am rooting for you with the weight loss....It is hard. I want to still lose 50 lbs....and I have really plateaued right now, so I'm curiously watching to see what you may find that helps in getting over that hump!
Well everyone, I posted a response yesterday. I even saw it up on the BB, but now it's gone.
I am down 3 lbs this week.
I began taking the Trim Spa. It doesn't do anything for my hunger, but it makes me mentally care less about eating. So, the hungry horrors I usually have (coupled with boredom at work) at 2 PM each day are gone.
I have been working out very hard in the gym, and I'm down. I know it's fat because I have been dieting for so long, I don't have excess water weight on me.
For all of you who are interested, I will continue to post my Trim Spa results for you. I did a lot of research on it on the web before beginning. It's basically glorified vitamins and fiber. But it seems to be working for me - other than being VERY expensive. (I found it for $29 at GNC on sale until the end of June, but it's normally $40 for a 10 day supply)
Other than that, I was so sore from working out hard last night that H offered to cook dinner and served me mine in bed. He let me sleep in this a.m. We had a great lunch together. He again seems close to me today. But then, by tomorrow, he may be distant again... who knows? Who cares even, as long as the overall trend continues in the right direction and babysteps continue to make their appearances from time to time.
I think this whole patience thing is finally sinking in. I think I finally get it, as I don't have the sense of urgency or forcing the issue that I used to have.
And I think this may be what is causing H to soften towards me more now than he has before. I know sometimes he feels distant, but overall, he feels emotionally closer to me weekly.
He's even being nicer at times. More gentle, more loving, doing more things for me, thinking about me more.
K, well, gonna go now. Thanks for continuing to support me. It's so important to me to have friends that care. This BB is great. I miss my old friends also, and I hope they are out there reading and taking solace in the fact that it's possible to win at this DBing stuff...
) ACT, don't REACT.
but worth it if it works. 
Not only do I want to lose weight for myself and for H to be more attracted to me, but also I think I am borderline diabetic (always had hypoglycemia) and my blood pressure is through the roof. It's really important to me to get down the 50 lbs I have to lose, so I can be healthy.