Thank you from saving me from myself. I have said nothing. Her latest epistles are along the lines of: I need more time. Don’t give up on me/us. I love you.
Alas, her words are not consistent with her actions (still sleeping with OM2). How can she expect me to wait on the sidelines while she sleeps with other men?
I am still marching forward with my move out plans. In my heart, I am still a fixer and do wish I could save/rescue her.
Like AndrewP said, I am now the walkaway spouse and part of me feels guilty about that.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
How can she expect me to wait on the sidelines while she sleeps with other men?
This is a fairly common thing. I've read a number of stories where one spouse wants an "open marriage" - but only for them. In my own case during the single conversation that my ex and I had in Nov 2016 she looked surprised and concerned when I said that I was considering dating and said "I wouldn't blame you". She'd been seeing her guy for about a year and a half at that point.
It's my belief that it comes down to selfishness and a world view the centers around them and their desires. And has often been mentioned here, there is an expectation on their part that the world they left behind doesn't change.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
^^^^^ what Andrew said. There are women who really believe this. ANd I know men who actually do it. It does boil down to selfishness. Some people take what they can get from who they can get it from. No remorse. The only remorse might come when it backfires.
Just catching up and admittedly I am the poster-boy on how not to handle what you are facing, but along with that came a good deal of learning the hard way and knowledge I can at the least place in a bag and slide it over to you.
Back in March of 15 this happened, I will even say it was a bit more along as she actually showed signs of remorse and a concerted effort to do what it took to get me back into the circle if you will. Perfect storm as I felt I had learned quite a bit here and felt I did everything right also was hoping that timeline wise she was on the shorter end of the spectrum, the magic bullet protocol was followed to the letter, I did the work but unfortunately I was to close/attached and could not see she hadn't. Long story short she had broke things off with OM for several reasons, finding hair in his shower, knowing he cheated on his wife several times and also cheated on her (I still laugh at that one) and she 'missed her family' ... we went to Retrouville in June of 15, and I felt maybe we had a chance.
Looking back she only could work on herself or the marriage ... not both ... so she chose to work on the marriage and over time it proved to be to much because she never did the work on her, which you have to understand is paramount. No sense aligning the car with a flat tire right? So by November 15 things were sliding back towards a BD like atmosphere, and 2 days after Valentines day I discovered OM clearly back in the picture.. .I confronted, moved out and went NC/Dropped rope.
Bottom line as far as I am reading along in your sitch she feels you pulling away and it very well may be scaring her. I am not so sure one can be scared out of MLC. However you may get her to take some inventory on what things may end up being and at the least maybe she can look within and possibly get some help. You can not ask her to do this which is a tough one ...she has to awaken and see what she has done and attempt to get to the root of why she has behaved this way .... in her case its not one OM its 2, so what is the source for the unhappiness, she needs to arrive there with out any help and sort through her stuff.
This takes time. As much as you want to save the M, there is a time as most here are warning you you have to stand back a bit and let the fallout happen .. she has to hit bottom and so far she has not shown any of those signs ... only fear which is common.
How can you not love a guy who uses the words "epistles" and "alas"?
After discovery of OW1, while he was still coming back to our house every other week (working a week on/off several hours away), H told me that we would stay married and have a loveless marriage. He would sleep with whomever he wanted and I could do the same. A few hours later he told me if I ever even looked at another guy, it was over and we were definitely getting a divorce.
Ownit - yes, your h does remind me of mine. That is just the sort of thing mine would say and then not recall it at all.
You have this Gordie. You are smart to watch the actions and not listen to the words.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
How can you not love a guy who uses the words "epistles" and "alas"?
After discovery of OW1, while he was still coming back to our house every other week (working a week on/off several hours away), H told me that we would stay married and have a loveless marriage. He would sleep with whomever he wanted and I could do the same. A few hours later he told me if I ever even looked at another guy, it was over and we were definitely getting a divorce.
Gee, this hits me really hard, as that first part is EXACTLY what my wife told me several days ago... Feels like sometimes the MLCer really puts comfort/finances in front of the whole journey/self finding thing. If only they were consistent about it instead of changing tunes every few days
