Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

Happy New Year from me as well Gordie to you and your kids.

May your New Year be full of peace and growth.

happiest and healthiest of new years Gordie. here's to a year of serenity, prosperity and loving kindness for you and your family xoxoxo

How do I respond to the following?

Stbx knows I found an apartment and am planning the logistics of my move. Last night, I am out without her and the kids and come home late to a note that says I wish you would treat me like your w again.

1. Ignore?
2. Write a note back or have a R discussion and say what? She knows exactly what she would need to do to take steps back (cut off OM2, withdraw D filing...).

How about leaving her a note stating that you wish she would start acting like a W again...

Ignore. She knows what to do as you have told her many times. She has lots of issues to fix before you should even consider recon. (I know it's difficult as we all cling on to the tiny hope that they suddenly have changed, but as many wise people have told you here, you should let her go - for now)

Ignore. You have told her over and over again why you are not treating her like you wife and exactly what needs to be done. She is a big girl and it's time for her to step up her game if she really wants you back as a husband.

Btrow and Ginger—thanks for the reality check. I didn’t say anything about it this morning and will not do so later today.

Btrow—I definitely thought of saying something snarky along those lines but know that doesn’t help me in these situations.

Gordie, you have let her know many times that you will not be in a open M. At some point maybe that will sink in. I guess she wants the security of having you as her H, yet still be able to have a fling. That is demented if you ask me.

I hope the crazy slows down for you when you get your space, but it seems that some of the MLC'ers find a way to stick and jab sometimes. We can only pray for them and let go.

Stay strong my friend!!!

Gordie,

Most lbs don't have a chance to verbalise their side of things to their WAS. When they do, the simplefact of doing so realises good feelings in them. This is mostly because pent up thoughts have been released. Part of it is also that they have made the WAS aware of their side of things. The latter is a misconception and should not be the goal. waS only get your point when they are receptive. Otherwise no matter how often or how you do so, you are not heard.

I bet you felt better after outlining your stance. It is normal.Now that it has been said, restating it cannot help. Refusingto do so as job suggested may actually help you be heard.

I would advise you to ignore the note. If she pushes you on it, say it isn't that simple anymore and leave it at that. Do not slow your moving on plans. You can always change them later. Not moving forward will prove to her she still has you, which means she can keep you on hold as plan B.

You are doing all the right things and saying the right things. You are doing good. Keep strong. Read the thread job recently added to the resources section from Zeus.

Remember actions speak louder than words. Hers and YOURS.

Best wishes

Gordie, if you say anything to her, I would just say 'unfortunately I see you as someone else's girlfriend right now.'

Gordie, catching up and can only say wow, she is very very confused. Keep up your good work! I hope you and your kids are doing well.

I thought I’d throw my 2 c in but if I were to respond I would say “I can’t treat you like my w until you act like my w”.