Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New LBS dealing with WW Part 2

Thanks Joe Joe.

WW messaged me today regarding bills that have posted. She previously told me she would get a list together of all the shared bills we have, but did not provide it to me.

I responded by putting an appropriate amount into the account and reminded her that she did not get me the list of bills. She blames me for it, of course. Everything is my fault. Gaslighting.

This is the only time I have broken no contact. For business purposes.

My heart is giving out. I feel like I am no longer the same person I was even a month ago. I am sure I am battling depression now. My life is completely out of whack.

I don't know how I will be able to go back to the marital home. I am losing will power and strength.

Keep calm. The sun shines behind the clouds. Be strong. You are standing on your values. That is the right thing to do.

There are things that are out of your control. Let them go. Detach.

Keep strong, stand for your S. He sure needs you! You are not alone.

I've gone dark for over a week now.

WW finds any reason to text or email me every day. The threads will sometimes start out business like and then devolve into accusations of spying on her or other silliness. Paranoid.

The only responses I've given have been listing the bills I'm paying. Emotionless facts.

She still finds reasons to text. Using kids as loopholes. I never respond. She does want to talk to me, and I want to talk to her! But wanting to talk with me is different than wanting to BE WITH me.

I still have pangs of heartbroken feelings here and there. I am still GAL and I am making consistent progress. The 180s have definitely been noticed by WW. Still, I think D is looming in the future. I cannot overlook facts.

It's time for us to make a decision about where we go from here. We can R or D. But either way it has to be 100%. If we R it's a complete rededication with MC. If we D it's 0% communication except via lawyers. She can move out if it's too hard for her, she can't keep making me pay emotionally for her decisions.

I am not sure how to have this conversation with her. I want to have this talk with her before I return home. Any ideas?

This is not a we decision Joe. Did she ask for your advice before wanting a divorce? Why do you need to ask her about your decision. It is 100% your decision not hers. you just need to realize that if you want to R its on her timetable not yours. If you want a D then you have the strength in you to go through with it. Remember you can only control yourself.

Joe I agree with rex here.....your choice, this is not a we discussion. I can guarantee you if you have this discussion you won't like the outcome. If you want a D then go file, if you don't then you are going to have to show more patience than you ever have before.

My W has told me 3 times in 7 months she wanted a D and has still not filed. Every time she says it or attempts to take a step in the opposite direction it impacts me less and less. Over time the roller coaster should get smoother.

Hang in there and don't let your emotions control you.

She already filed because I scared her during an argument one day. It was an impulsive move but now she is sticking to it.

I have nothing to lose by having this discussion with her.

Do you know for a fact she has filed? If she has what is there to discuss?

I guess you're right and I'm just wasting my time.

Do you know for a fact she has filed? Do you have proof or is it just what she said?

Yeah I got served. And she cried when it happened and apologized to no end.