Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My story......any ideas??

Get the latest book; I believe that's DR.




I think you'll get a wide range of responses, but since your wife has removed her ring, my opinion is that taking your ring off sends the right signal.

Cb, how do YOU feel about wearing your ring? I personally believe if you take your ring off, you should be doing it for YOU.

I'd thought about taking mine off for a while, and actually experimented with not wearing it for a few days when STBXW was out of town. But putting it back on afterwards didn't really bother me, so I continued to wear it. When I finally took it off, I knew it was time.

So I took the ring off for a little bit and then put it back on. Still unsure about that one.

She did text me several times yesterday, mostly about our daughter and some about her financial aid for school. Then she called the house about 8:15 to talk to our daughter, usually our daughter has to call her.

So another question:

We (Me, W, and kids) usually decorate the Christmas tree together. The kids and I are planning on doing it tomorrow night. Should I invite her to come over and do it with us?

No you should not invite her. She left the house, which is odd for a wife given you have young children. By not inviting her and decorating the tree with your kids, when she sees it it will help remind her what she is giving up.

But wait! Is there any possibility of holiday nooky?

I'm going to go with no. I barely even remember what that is......

Nooky is more likely if she comes by and sees the tree already decorated ...

Really, the advice here is usually to detach and not pursue the spouse. Inviting her is a type of pursuit. If she initiated and called and said, "hey, I'd like to be with the kids and decorate the tree", then I do think you should allow her to come over. After all, it would be good for the kids to have that with them mom and dad.

All of you guys are alike; one track minds. All you ever think about is detaching.

CB...I will chime in. I took my ring off about 2 weeks after BD. I have not put it on since and it didn't feel right wearing it. It is a personal choice but for me it signaled that I was still hanging on.

We always put the tree up together as a family and decorated it as well. This year I will not be inviting my W over to decorate the tree. That is something I will do with my D's. If she wants to put a tree up and decorate with them in her apt then she can go ahead.

I did extend her an invite to be at the house in any capacity she wanted to. I will have the kids on Christmas Eve and Day so because we both agreed that they should wake up in our home and not her apt. I told her she was under no pressure or obligation either way, I thought it would be good for the girls. I personally have no expectations. So far she has indicated she wanted to do something together as a family on Christmas eve but is not sure about anything else at this time.

I am a little farther down the path than you so please take that into consideration. IMO you need to be in a good place emotionally and if she accepts you can be happy around her, not pursue, etc. TBH I could not do that early on so if I was 1 month in I probably would not have been able to handle it. I hope this makes sense.

If your in a good place emotionally, know you can hold it together, etc and you feel that you are doing it truly for your children and being a good co-parent I do not see anything wrong with it.

I would probably feel different though if OM was in the picture and I don't think there is at this point in your sitch or at least you have not discovered 1 yet. I have not discovered one yet in mine as well.

just my 10 cents.