Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is true happiness achievable..

I agree, I've had to go on antidepressants years ago and it definitely was a life saver for me. I was in the lowest place I've ever been and medication helped me see things more clearly. I was able to put things into persecutive and get strong.

It's always worth a doctors consult to see if they would help your situation. Once on them, GAL will be much easier to achieve.

I do think antidepressants are definitely worth a shot, but am here to offer a perspective of someone who couldn't take them - I tried three different ones and each one made me physically ill.

In the beginning of this journey and when I joined this forum I was very quick to dismiss the GAL advice - I didn't understand the importance of it. I would post and hope someone would answer with the magic formula that would make my ex come back and the pain go away. Invariably the answer would be 'detach' and 'GAL', and I would think, ok ok but I need something NOW. Sadly, there's nothing NOW, apart from antidepressants.

I will be totally unoriginal in saying 'detach' and 'GAL', as someone who was totally bereft and empty one year ago, now I am a lot better. GAL-ing is like a kind of therapy. There's a big gaping hole in our lives where our spouses used to be, and GAL-ing fills this. And I speak as someone who was completely enmeshed in my WH's life. I moved countries for him, left my family friends and career behind, took a series of low paying jobs so I could follow him around the country and support him in his career. Even if he would have never left me, this would have been all a massive mistake.

13 months since he swanned off with his horse-faced OW, I've started to experience hours, and sometimes a full day, when I am really really happy. Happier than I was in the last few years with him. I have a million projects to keep me busy and I have so many things I can invest time in now that I couldn't before because it would take already limited time away from WH.
Do you have stuff like that?

You might have heard about the LBS fog lifting, and I can attest to that. When WH left I romanticised everything, he was heroic and tortured and my true love. Now I think - hmph, get a grip, girl. And the perspective is helped by simple things. Instead of remembering all the good times, I rejoice in the good things his departure means. It's the simple things. One thing that makes me cackle every time is when the loo roll comes to an end. I used to tear my hair out because my WH would use the last piece of loo roll and then... not replace it. I don't know if he thought fairies came in straight after him to fill it up, but it used to drive me crazy. There were already a million things he wouldn't/couldn't help me with, but replacing the loo roll? It's hardly DIY. I know it sounds like a small thing but it was a thousand small things like that, day in and day out. Every single day there would be something that emphasized he didn't think about the person who had to live with him. So now every time the loo roll comes to an end and I joyfully replace it, I think of OW and wonder if he replaces it for her. If he does, then she's a better woman than me and he's meant to be with her, because in 14 years of marriage he barely did it twice. I really enjoy living without him, and on some level, I am much happier he's gone.