I am looking for some success stories which I can read up on. Now I found Squiggy, but I cannot find his third thread, there is no link to it at the end of his second thread. Also, JoeJoe, I am going to be reading up on your story in the coming days.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
I think that was all of his threads (if I didn't mess up). After he and his W reconciled, he stayed around for a while to encourage others. Click on his name and it will pull up his posts.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I read Squig post all the way to the end. It's a good read. If you have any questions let me know. I will check it with your thread as much as possible. I'm no expert and I'm still DBing and working on myself. But I will give you what I can from my opinion and what I have learned from the awesome people on this site.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Too bad Benny's threads are gone but his journey was worth reading. From where he started and where he is now. I don't think he considers himself out of the woods yet, but his process and how he tackled everything head on was really illuminating for me personally. He has some great insights. Even if you read up on his latest thread, it will be useful. It's probably buried and his username is now Benito. Check it out.
In her opinions she seems to think the reason she has been reaching out; and some of the words she has been using those times were b/c she still cares; and even though is stuck in the mindset of with this OM, that she still wants to work us out.
I really think your IC is wrong on this. You've got a full-blown WAW on your hands actively participating in an affair. ANY reaching out on her part is nothing more than temperature checking and/ or cake-eating. You are Plan B all the way and if you reach out to her as your IC is suggesting then she will be content that you're still in reserve and will go cold on you again.
Quote:
It was her opinion that it was the R best interest for me to reach out to explain I do still care, and we would only recon if we were to talk.
Not necessary, despite all the DB'ing you have done your W KNOWS you still care, and she KNOWS all she has to do is reach out 5% and you'll sprint the other 95% to her. Your recon does NOT depend on you reaching out to W to talk, for Heaven's sake there are hundreds if not thousands of examples of LBS's doing that right here on the forums and to my knowledge it has never worked, not once.
Quote:
To talk first, date, and work with MC to fix what was broken. Find the things which upset us and work through those things.
Absolutely right, but your W has to take the first step, not you. And she may never take it, you just don't know what will happen unfortunately.
Quote:
She also said we are both at this bridge which is broken, but neither of us want to rebuild it...or are to stubborn too.
Again I think your W looks over the bridge and sees you standing there with tools in hand. She knows all she has to do is pick up a hammer and you'll fly into action furiously rebuilding that bridge. BUT SHE HAS TO PICK UP THE HAMMER.
Originally Posted By: chris19
I am looking for some success stories which I can read up on.
Look up dday101798 . Here's a link to the recon post that happened 6 months after D:
After working through my emotions and the crazies in my head and reading over your thoughts I do agree and am on the same page as this board. I guess I just had a moment of weakness and let the IC get the thought of recon in my head. Now, I do have small hopes of recon, however, it is not my main focus at the moment.
My main focus is to break free of this NGS, become a more confident male, and express my feelings (my rights or wrongs) to those I interact with. This is my 180 journey.
I recently met up with BIL (who is against the EA/PA) who is my main male role model for breakfast on sunday. We had a nice conversation just catching up, and the convo went to WW towards the end. I told him I was being active in my life (gym, friends, reconnecting with some fam). I just explained to him my current feelings of feeling sorry for her, and I felt she is in this fantasy land of not having to deal with consequences. He agreed, and then went on to tell me her two sisters were also to the point of noticing her actions and both of them also realized she has never been held accountable or given consequences before (from her family either). <--- This was the major downfall of our falling out I believe (which also coincides to the NGS).
Ever since that conversation with him and the text I received from WW over the weekend, I do realize she is completely a dif person than I married. For some reason the fear which has been consuming me at about a 10 is now down to a 3 or a 4. When I saw fear, I am speaking to the fear I used to get when she would criticize, or complain, or talk down to me, or generally disrespect me. It might be hard to explain, but now when I look in the future at any interactions with her, I just see a lost women how is projecting negative emotions and I somewhat feel bad for her. I will continue to work to get that fear down to a 0 or 1...but I have to start somewhere.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
