The assigned date was in a daddy-week. Less than one hour later I received a new message "You have cancelled the appointment and have been re-scheduled for "a date three weeks later" . Obviously it was XW who had called them and re-scheduled for a date in her kids week. Without discussing with me.
Originally Posted By: Btrow
I didn't discuss with her, but just assumed she would pick one as she did last year - and she also just picked one of the assigned dates for D10's parent-teacher meeting). If you look one or two posts up, you'll see how she transferred the kids savings to a new bank without consulting me first. So this seems to be an ongoing theme.
I know its a late reply, but whatever you do for those two issues above , don't do this:
Originally Posted By: Btrow
I didn't react or respond.
Originally Posted By: Btrow
she transferred the kids savings to a new bank without consulting me first. So this seems to be an ongoing theme.
I would't worry about this really, but i think you already dealt with it in your post above
Originally Posted By: Btrow
She is either provoking me on purpuse or simply dysfunctional...
Any input on how to deal with this issue?
When the (X)W and I appeared we were going into the courts to solve the divorce, i quickly found out from my Lawyer what parameters they use to determine the custodial parent. If primary custody is to be given by the court, the parent who usually gets it is the one who brings the kids to the doctor, sets up and drives the daycare decision, etc. So, i ensured that although early on she had taken on those duties when we had worked it out where she was home the 1st year of the 4 y/os life, i tried to at least have equal decisions or parental actions being made/done by me. It could be that she is getting instruction to gather evidence that she is doing some of the parenting issues as well, challenging the custody you think will go to you up in the air.
I wouldn't just do nothing. Take charge and if you want her to do some of these things, then send an email when you first get these notifications and say that you will set something up but give her the option to make it on her time if she wants it. That way she can't just say she did it because you wouldn't. Make sense?
Originally Posted By: Btrow
None of the options keep the road home paved and smooth. But much more of this behaviour and there won't be a road home at all...
I know what you mean. When it came to the kids, i was very confrontational and tried to ensure i was on as best playing field that i could be for possibly getting custody if we had gone to court. I definitely left a gravel road back in that respect. Still, i wasn't going to be bullied into a custody situation where i was a minor parental role in my kids lives which i would regret more i think. After we mediated where i got a good arrangement (although not a good 50/50 arrangement like you), I stopped the battle and went back to normal in hopes of paving the road.
Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10; HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17 Kids Together D4, D1.52 W Moves Out: 03/16/17 W Files : 03/17/17 D Final: 10/23/17
Hi. I hope you are doing well. The more I read of your thread the more similarity with my sitch that I see. Your xW sounds very much like mine. She will do or say anything to paint herself in the best light possible. It is a survival mechanism and it sometimes involves making us look bad or second guess ourselves. You are a great Dad - I can tell because I am one too. Keep it up.
Tbh, I don't have any concerns regarding the custody schedule.
First of all, she doesn't want the kids more than 50/50. That would probably damage her relationship with OM. If he wanted to play house, I'm sure they would have started by now. To my best knowledge, he hasn't spent a single night at her place while the kids were there. Now 14 months into their "relationship". So more kids time = less OM time.
Secondly, if she were to have the kids more, she'd probably have to get a new job as she is required to work a certain number of evenings which wouldn't be possible with small kids. And I honestly think she loves her job more than she loves her kids.
And third, but certainly not least, I'd probably be given primary custody if it ever came to a fight. I have always been the primary parent (due to her evenings and weekend shifts) and since I haven't done anything to damage the co-parenting arrangement, and also I have some other things that would put her in a bad light in case of a custody fight, I hold all the aces.
I only posted the above to display the provocative (or more likely, severely confused) state she appears to be in. Regarding the dentist issue, actually D4 has been called in for the annual check - in my week - and she didn't change that one. In fact, when she was here to pickup up the kids last monday she mentioned to me that D4 has been called in for the check and if I was able to go... In my country, both parents receive a mail and a text with the date. How she does not know that I also receive that info, I cannot grasp (as mentioned, she appears confused at times). So no, she is not trying to put me in a bad light.
She even sent me a reminder with the date and time yesterday and also wrote "see you at D11's parent-teacher meeting xday at x time"... Mind you I havent missed a single event or time yet. So she appears very confused. Maybe she was always like that and I am only able see it now. I have no idea...
RAI, thanks for stopping by.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
