Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wondering if LRT is working

Dont measure on day-to-day increments. Theres too much noise in the data. Plus it keeps you very much attached.

Keep a zoomed out view and look for patterns to judge effectiveness.

Thank you for that advice. When I pull back and look at it from afar I do see more change. It is a far cry from where it was a month ago. Still need a miracle but I am feeling much better about myself and developing an even better relationship with kids. I am waiting for the day things switch and I can move on and she is left wondering what happened.

Lost249,

Sorry you are here. You are not alone. Sadly, many of here have heard the same from our wives. Take care of yourself. What improvements are you making to be the best Lost you can be? For your sake? She may notice or she may not but you will be better in the end. For those of us with older children, they are going to judge each of you on your behavior as is their right. W seems to be having a hard time dealing with the consequences of her actions and that’s okay.

Hey Gordie,

I have been working on GAL. I am reconnecting with myself and what I enjoy. I am meeting new friends, staying active, spending time with family, enjoying time with kids. I am trying to focus and work hard on myself and getting healthy both emotionally and physically. I want to become the best version of me possible.

A question I have had is in doing the 180/LRT do I spend anytime with W? She has asked me in the past to do something with her and I told her no, not right now. The only things we have done lately is have breakfast with our daughter. This weekend she will be at the house at the same time I am doing yard work and things outside. Is there a time I do anything with her? Completely withdraw? She still hugs me but my reaction is a short hug. I initiate the goodbye and no longer say I love you even when she says it first.

Lost,

If I am understanding everything correctly, she has had multiple affairs, is in love with another man and still says "I love you" to you? Is that someone you are interested in spending time with right now?

Have you read up on boundaries?

LH19,

I know sounds crazy. While she is acting this way no I don't want to spend time with her. It is hard because the change was so sudden and this isn't the same person I spent 25 years with. I know this takes time before or if they ever realize what they have done. I will keep building my Boundries and stick to them.

Hi Lost. I wish I could write more now but I’m dealing with posting from my phone. Your story sounds VERY similar to mine. Check out my threads (there are many). Hopefully they will steer you away from some of the mistakes I made. I wish I had followed the advice of the board sooner. My sitch might be different now. Hang in there.