Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Advice on wife's actions

No, I’m moving out because she makes her living in the home as a nursery. I’m getting a signed agreement on shared residency first though. And also agreeing some financials too. It doesn’t matter who stays/leaves in the UK, its basically all about how much time they spend at each home. We’ve agreed shared residency so... I work for the government and get free legal representation so i doubt she could compete with that to be honest if it really came down to it.

Hi Cadet,

Yep read both books, and keep them hidden.

Well I think I've resigned myself to the fact that there is no feelings for me at all anymore. She cries when we hug or talk about normal stuff, I think it's just pity. I asked her if she would mind if I put my wedding ring back on, she said you can't just wear it till we're divorced. That's actually the first time she has used that word. Don't even know why I mentioned it, I just didn't want her to see it as pressure. I just feel strange without it.

Im completely lost as to what to do here. I get 10 mins with her a day if that, from Monday when I move out it will be zero.

We had a quick chat today, I told her what I hope for the future, that I'll work on myself and maybe she will see that we can be together. She said she doesn't see it and refuses to say she'll keep an open mind. She said right now she doesn't need to feel her emotions, she said she needs to be strong to do this and see it through. She said she feels nothing for me, and hasn't for a couple of years.

I guess I really need to start letting go, I just feel that if I give up hope then I have nothing left. But I'm tired of all the games, they're probably all in my mind but it's really taking it out of me. I'm gonna book some leave in a couple of weeks and take a long weekend away somewhere, maybe a retreat or something.

LJ....you are right is currently does not have any feelings for you. Why would you ask her if it ok if she minded if you put your wedding ring back on? It's your choice, not hers.

Why would you tell her your hopes for the future? Stop the R talks immediately. Let her go, don't worry about her, do your thing, work on yourself, walk the other way.

What are your goals? How is your confidence. Get in shape if your not. What are you doing for GAL?

Liam, if you give up hope for your M, you can replace it with hope for your own future. I know, easier said than done. It can be devastating to lose the future we thought we had. But the future is never promised.

And if she bites you again, I highly suggest you get the law involved.

I guess I'm still worrying how she reacts to every thing I do.

I suppose I keep bringing the R up cause I'm looking for some type of validation.

My goals right now are to get the new house sorted for the kids. Work on the things in me she doesn't like. Not just for her but I know it'll make me a better person. Less grumpy and controlling of the world around me. I suppose I'm focusing on the new house as my GAL. I work away in the city a lot so attend quite a few functions.

I think the state she saw me in today has not helped. I'll see her one more time briefly before I leave for a hotel tonight after I put the kids to bed. I'll keep it friendly, I just find it so hard to leave so I just stand there...

Can you elaborate more on what you mean?

Yeah I just generally lolloked a mess. I haven't smoked in 10 years, but I went to roll a cigarette to walk to the pub with, she kind of told me off cause the kids could have seen. She asked "when would you have ever walked down the street smoking" I asked if she was mad with me, she said she doesn't get to tell me what to do anymore.

I confronted her this morning about a parking ticket on her car, I made a fool of myself as it was from a nursery outing, which I actually knew about but had forgotten. I think I've been desperate to believe their is an OM, but in reality she has truly fallen out of love with me but I don't want to accept it.

I'll try and conduct myself better tonight. I think I'm still reeling from the shock of it all.

Oh, I also never go to the pub either! I'm not drinking to excess, just a pint after work.