Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers waw maybe

First thing is I cannot afford the coaching, you will say that isn't it worth saing your M, yes it is but do I need to lose my house? Things are somewhat tight money wise. Also I do want to save my M but I am not a fool to think that it could end. I am mentally prepared for a D and she knows it.

As far as cheating she has swore on her childrens lives that she didnt cheat... maybe an emational affair which is just as bad, but after checking all the phone records there is nothing there...no one number stands out

Just be careful. When I first separated from my wife I asked her if there was someone else and she flat out denied it to my face. Was even offended that I would even ask or think such a thing. She lied and denied everything to all our close friends as well..... This was of course a big lie, and eventually her PA came out. I'm not saying that your W is having an PA, but just be careful.

Rule 32. of Sandi's rules - Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.

Sorry that you are going through this.

But you can afford to run out now and get DB book, follow it up with reading DR!

It's a road map to help you!

As mentioned above, do NOT let you spouse see it.

Sorry to hear what your going through. Definitely get the book and focus on the rules. Don't ask any questions about the R, unless she brings it up. And don't go asking about a possible OM, unless you find something out. Your still in the begining of your sitch and it seems that you have made very little mistakes since the ball dropped. So you may be a better position here than most on this board.

Ok so today she starts conversation with me and it was real casual and not faked on either part. Then when she left for work she didnt say goodbye...actually I really do not care and she is starting to realize it.

I am being honest here, if she wants out why do we beg them to stay? what would possess me to ask her to stay once she said we grew apart. There is no rational reason for me to want to be with someone who either is unhappy with me or has her eye on someone else.

Our children are saying "mom is being really nice" I say yes thats the way mom is...I know one thing is absolutely true IF YOU BACK WAY OFF they will start to see you are for real. Now keep in mind I have told her two things

1. I still love you...and

2. I want to work it out...

Her responses were "I am not sure" and "I don't know"

I have only told her this twice in 4 weeks and the last time I said it was 3 weeks ago.

Two of my children have asked me to keep trying they do not want us to break up... they are 20s and 18d we also hae a 23d and 21s.

I sense that we maybe able to recover but of course there is no certainty. I said this may just be a bump in the road she liked that... when she said there is no hope... I said forest fires burn down the entire forest and it comes back stronger than ever that may be just us.

Ok update time:

W just said ok we are going to give this another chance, this took a good two weeks of detachment before she has said anything about the R. I did notice slowly but surely we were doing more together and talking more, I never asked were do we stand.

I am not saying things are 100% back at all but its a start. She is smiling again and looks at me when talking.

Here are some things that I did:
-Left her alone
-stop accusing her of having an A
-began focusing on myself
-teeth whitening (she saw me doing this and ask what kind of strips I was using)
-I already was working out but she started to notice that I lost weight
- I didnt walk around the house pouting
- I certainly didnt beg,or pursue to any extreme. When I was going somewhere I asked if she wanted to come if her responce was yes then she came, if it was "I dont know" then she didnt want to come.

Now my only question is this DO I REALLY WANT THIS? Am I going to be comfortable knowing that she was so hurt by me that she went from being hurt to wanting to leave me. BTW she never once suggested D, not once.

I should hae been posting all along but for anyone that was reading this thread things are now to the point of me asking her to just file and lets get this over with.

What happened? In your last post you mentioned W wanted to give things another chance?

I believe she was just playing me, although I cannot find any evidence of OM I believe there may be. I will be writing up my sitch in its entirerty soon. So many ups and downs.

I really wish there were more resorces for a true WAW. She even told me that she felt like a single mother the last few years and just has no feeling for me whatsoever. This is so bizairre!

The reason I have not written this up was I was all over the map with emotions... I will collect my thoughts and write it up hopefully to help others.