Just think of your W's antics as PMS personified. She is very very confused right now. By now, she's already realized that her fantasy of happily ever after if she were 'just free' again has fallen apart on her.
She's ALREADY discovered that the reason the grass looked greener on the other side of the fence was because there is a cesspool underneath that she couldn't see or smell until she got over there.
Hang in there buddy. You're wife's mood swings are her coming to terms with the reality of the crappy choices she's recently made. T2
Maybe you are right, but she still thinks she is in love with this OM. SO maybe that she doesn't want to admit it's not all it was cracked up to be and not show me that her decision was bad, trying to save face maybe who knows. I will take her swings as PMS, great analogy. I will keep posting any developments as they arise, I love this place, helps untwine the confusion a lot. I would probably be a train wreck without it. Still no contact from her today, but the day is early, we'll see what happens from here.
Anything I should do to help her along the way, or just let it take its course? I'm not pursuing her in anyway shape or form, content with myself right now, which is good. I do let her know I;m here to listen should she want to talk or discuss anything. Is that a bad thing or do I give it a rest and let the cards fall where they may? She seems destined to find her own place and soon, but says she needs cash to do it. I take it as "you should help me out to find a new place because your daughter is living there too". Does it sound like a head game to anyone or is it she still thinks because of our daughter it is my duty to help her out???? Insight???
Your DUTY stops and starts at your daughter's needs. You have a home you can provide for her, just as well as her mother could.
If your W needs her 'own' place then she'll have to get up off the money to do it. YOU have absolutely NO obligation to fund her 'trip to la la land'
You need to be there 'emotioanlly' when she initiates any dialoge that's POSITIVE in nature.
You're NOT her whipping boy for the spewing of her self pity not the ultimate destination for any guilt trip she may choose to lay on you using your daughter as her shield.
If she hammers away about your daughter needing a decent place to live, offer YOUR home to her and tell her you'll take good care of your little girl while she's off "working out her issues"
I'm sure (at least I certainly hope) your family will help with any childcare issues that you might have in order to keep your D in your life. T2
Well she dropped daughter off tonight, was fairly pleasant, gave me news that she had found a place, no mention of wanting money. I am standing firm on not giving her a dime, she plans on moving in next week. This means no more living at OM house. She got a place fairly close to mine, she mentioned that was a big plus for her. She gave me a run down of the place, mentioned it wasn't that big but would do for now. Said she can afford it for now but may a different dtory in the winter when heating the place becomes an issue. I simply smiled throughout the conversation and told her good for her at finding a new place and wished her luck. She even said she may call on the weekend to so something with the daughter and I. Again, she seems commited to keeping me in her life, which is good I think. Heard through the grapevine, as I have many friends in the city and she has few, that her and the OM had it out the other night, to the point where frustration set it and both ended the conversation quite peeved at each other. You were right T2, it seems the OM thing isn't so peachy after all, boo hoo hoo, I think I need a kleenex, lol. But she has yet to open up her emotions to me, unwilling to discuss her feelings yet, but from I can gather this will come once she has made up her mind to make amends. I will be patient as that is the key, I understand.
Its amazing now that I look at things with clearer eyes how much every sitch seems to go through the same stages, i just hope they materialize into bigger and better things as they have for so many more. But I will be patient and not push any issues onto her and let things ride the course.
It's funny how this morning there was bitterness and tonight pleasantries, what a crazy world we live in. I'm still confused why the attitude adjustment from AM to PM. Maybe her getting her own place is opening her eyes to see that OM isn't really the man she thought he was. Only time will tell, I;ll keep DBing in the mean time. Great comments from all of you, very helpful and timely, I will post some new updates as the occur.
Well different attitude and different set of questions. Now that I see she is doing all things I did when she was deciding to leave me to the OM. Pleading, begging, apologizing the whole nine yards, I know it won't be long before the sitch with Om willbe over and done with. What approach do i take? Do I plead, let her be or discuss the issue of her returning home? These are the things I need to know. Just looking for advice on how to proceed. Don't want to sit back and do nothing and watch her get involved with another man. But she may be quite distraut as what she thought was better than what she had, is now falling apart as the days go by. Do I jump at the opportunity or let blocks fall where they may? T2 where are you, you words are quite insightful and help me greatly. Anyone with some tips as to how to proceed from here???
This is a part of an email I received today showing her 180 from yesterday AM.
" I'm sorry I've been kinda of cranky the last few days, alot on my mind with moving, money, school and all. But I'll be alright, just need to get through the next couple of weeks. "
Again the talk of money, subtle but still present. SO apparently she requires a couple of weeks then she'll be fine, we'll see about that. Anyway waiting to hear from anyone with their thoughts opinions, next steps, tips, suggestions, and/or ways to handle the situation. Well keep updating as events unfold...
Been out of the loop for a few weeks but I'm back and I am in need of some guidance.
Things were going fairly good between me and WAW the last few weeks, until today. We were having dinners together, taking the dogs for walks in the park and talking onthephone, all the stuff I dreamed of happening but never did, then the bomb.
Apparently, WAW and OM are back on after a few weeks of being on the outs, this as hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart won't stop pumping after hearing the news. I have all these feelings inside that need unravelling. I feel disappointed, angry, frustrated all in one.
As I said I don't know how tohandle the sitch at this point, all signs we pointing my way and she even mentioned 2 nights ago, mind you, that she was reflecting on what she had done and has regrets, now this, please help.
She is stillmoving into another place this week and all that I was even out shopping with her for stuff for the new place only yesterday, and this gets dropped on me. Am I looking toomuch into it, I know I should have no expectations, but man is it ever hard.
Imust practice patience to the max I know, but with allthese feelings it damn hard. She said she was going to callme tonight to talk, so I go out and leave her leave me a message or do I sit and wait and see what happens.
Woody, You still have to play the same cards you have been playing. Whatever you were doing was working. Expect her to have to withdraw from OM, she may go back and forth a few times... if you can be patient, do, if you need to give her an ultimatum, you can do that too. Apparently, she was having regrets... so, she's having some clear thoughts, keep dbing and hopefully those thoughts will come back again.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
