Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Lost on how to save my marriage! 3

Sandi2,

We are living together. We don't sleep in the same bed.

Last night I found out that she was trying to meet the OM in Nov. I told her her her things and get out. She refused. I know I cant force her to leave. I was hot. Then I told your she had to options, me or this OM. She sent him a message saying she is done. I don't believe it. I wanted her out.

She says she's confused. I believe her. She says I dont know what she's going through. I don't. She said if she something else going on in her life it would be easy to not deal with the OM. I asked her was she Sri getting a job then getting an apartment, she said that's option. Last month that was the plan.

She now also saying, that she's 80/20 on the marriage. Last month she was 95/5. The higher number is how much she was out.

Today I can't let this event knock me off course. Onward I go DBing.

Thanks for stopping by the thread

I see a lot of the questions you are asking here are things I also needed answers to. I hesitate to add comments because I'm so up and down depending on the day.

Keep the faith joe joe and and I wish you well as you work through this

yep.....omward until she tells you she is 100% committed to making it work...the rest is just noise.

The reason I said that the WW is not looking for love is b/c the first thing the LBH wants to do is show her how much he loves her. He begins doing things for her, thinking it will draw her closer. However, the things he does to demonstrate how much he loves her.....is pursuit. This is not what she wants.

She is not behaving in this manner b/c she is looking for love from her H. She did not drop the bomb b/c she thought it would wake him up and start working on the M. That was not her intent. Whether she dropped the bomb or not, she is done with the M.

If you've ever experienced having a clingy girlfriend who would not accept the fact that you wanted to break up with her..........and she continues to smother you and tries to convince you to give it another chance.. .........then that is similar to the WW and her H. (The H is like the clingy GF). The more the H attempts to demonstrate his love, the more he is turning her off.

This does not mean that the H should be hateful to her. It doesn't mean he should talk ugly and give her the cold shoulder. As long as she is acting out in her waywardness, he needs to love her quietly.........or as some say, from a distance.

Sandi,

I have read on other sites, that if you S is in an A then the LBS has to make themselves more attractive. Is that the same as making yourself a person only a fool would leave?

Also, is detaching a contributing factor to the LBS confidence and appeal to the WS?

I think they are all kind of interwined with each other but I would detaching is about protecting yourself emtionally while GALing is about getting your confidence back.

For me hitting the gym, getting out, buying new clothes, etc has all helped with my confidence. Then when you get more confident your W no longer has control of your emotions and feelings which is also helped by detaching.

JoeJoe, any progress on the meetup? Am I the only one who can do next weekend?

Holding,

I can do a meetup tread on here. Do you think that's a good idea to do a meetup thread for this weekend. But I don't mind just meeting up with you if nobody else can.

I don't think we need a separate thread for it. I know AnotherStander was interested but he said he's not available for now. So that just leaves TxHubby I think?

Holding,

Do you know how to reach to TXHubby? When would you be available?