Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers separation...is there hope?

Marie,

It's time to GAL harder and start to distance and detach.

Have you confronted him yet. If not don't do it until you get evidence. Once you tell him. Tell him you wont be talking to him again until the OW is out of the picture. It's going to be hard, but dont make the mistake I made and let your spouse off the hook to soon.

I already confronted him when I found out about EA. He promised me it wasn't physical but I'm pretty sure he lied. It's seems to me that confronting him made thing even worse and pushed him towards her. He said that he doesn't love me anymore and there's no more us so for him it's not cheating.

I'm not sure confronting him again is the right thing to do right now.

Marie,

Now it's time to get to DBing. GAL, distance, detaching.

I would love advice from other people as well. Thank you

Why would you confront him a 2nd time? Do you have any proof?

I didn't say I would be confronting him again. But now I have proof that there is a PA. Like I said he doesn't think it's cheating because he told me there is no more us...

If I remember right you guys are already separated correct? If he is in a PA i am not sure there is much you can do outside of filing for D yourself if that is what you want or you can continue working on yourself as JJ suggested.

My W and I are currently separated and I have already assumed the worst even though I have no proof. I think at some point in time we are all faced with the realities of our situation and how long we are willing to wait for our S and/or what we are willing to accept.

I am so confused. Sometimes I feel strong and confident and want a D thinking how could he have abandoned our M and moved on so quickly. Other times I feel like destiny has put us together for a reason and we are ment to be together forever.

I really do love him and want to be with him but I don't feel like competing with OW. I feel like he should've chose me and I'm mad at him for that. Also the thought of him being physical with OW gives me anxiety.

I don't know what to do ...

I know I shouldn't mind read but what do you guys think it means if my H hasn't change his Facebook status? It still says that we are married to eachother.

Marie,

You shouldn't read anything into the FB status. I understand you, had the same thought. My W hasn't changed her status even thought she took her ring off on the second day after BD in the beginning of May and has told everyone she knows (that are important to her). It could be that he is not ready to tell "the world", that he will change it when D is final (in the future), that he forgot or simply do not care what FB says about his relationship status. You cannot mind read his actions based on history because he is not the same person.

Also, neither of you is "entitled" to anything. You are not entitled to him or of his feelings of love. He is not entitled to have you waiting for him or to be able to date and still be married. We all understand your feelings or doubts, we have or had them as well.

All you really can do now is concentrating on yourself, for YOU. The only person in the world you can control. Give H space and time. Work on your issues that you told us about long-term, take care of yourself short-term and try to do things that give you joy. Try to find activities that prevent you from thinking too much. Especially with other ppl. Neither of us on this site wants to compete with others about our S. But he will only choose the very best Marie you can be, regardless of other ppl involved or not. By then you maybe don't want to be together any longer. Or maybe he won't, but by then you might feel so good that it doesn't matter. Who knows?

What happen will happen, you cannot control H. And I am sure that you would only want to spend the rest of your life together knowing that he wants to be with you and made a choice by himself.

Good luck going forward! I hope you have a support system around you.