Good point, I replied with a simple thank you email. So today I paid the lawyer to get started with all the documents. Shouldn't be too difficult with an uncontested divorce, unless W throws a wrench in the olans. Never even bothered to tell W. I suppose, I'll let her know when it's time for her next week sometime when she returns from her trip to Florida.
I text W right after the lawyers office requesting copies of paystubs and she emailed them to me with no issue at all. She then text me about how one of her coworkers said something that I usually say, which made her laugh. W them began to tell me about how her work performance is continuing to drop. Due to falling asleep at the desk. This has definitely been a problem since OM got in the picture with all the late night texting.
I imagine it's gotten worse since she moved out. Due to me not being around to keep an eye on her. W can now stay out as long as she wants, so late night texting is no longer an issue. She can't blame this on me or S13, because we are at the house. So I just validated her. And she take me for the kind words.
So I mentioned that W productivity at work continues to drop. But what I forgot to mention is that W just got an unexpected $2,000 a year raise. So when she told me this the other day, I was happy for her even though it made no sense. But now I am remembering that W posted a question on FB a few weeks ago.
The question was on whether it was alright to accept something from work knowing that someone was going to expect something in return? Then she mentioned that she was asking this for a friend. So now comes this unexpected raise that she technically doesn't deserve. So now I am wondering if my W sold her soul or a** for a $2,000 a year raise?
And if this is the case, I can honestly see why LBS typically opt not to take their W back. It just seems as if my W is sinking lower and lower. But she did afterall say that she wanted the right to f*ck and f*ck up to a friend of hers. And she seems to be right on track with that.
From what I can tell from your recent posts is that you are not nearly as detached as what your words suggest. If you are 'done with her' then why do any of your ponderings about this $2K raise matter?
I dont know how else to put my advice. Stop focusing on her. Stop worrying about her. Stop thinking in grand statements related to her. Just go about your business and live your life.
Trust me I am doing alright with detaching. Not completely there yet. But I have been doing my own thing and not worrying about W. This was more the realization on how low my W has possibly gone. My W would berate people for even joking about doing these things. And now this is a serious possibly or something that she has done?
I was just mentioning that I can now understand why the LBS often don't want to take the WS back after its all said and done. This behavior is not something you want from a spouse after they left you. Hell even if you recon do you discuss what the WS did or just treat as if This was in their past like it all some past relationship. Guess I am just curious that's all. But I supposebthis mught be why some WW feel they can never return to the MR.
Don't kid yourself. I'm divorced. I'm HAPPILY dating a really wonderful woman. I'm in a custody fight and XW is trying to be D's full time residential parent after a few years of being a bad parent. And I STILL am not fully detached.
Its strange. I am detached most of the time, then on occasion I catch myself caring. Then I detach all over again. So how long have you been involved with the woman your dating? And what made you do so this soon?
I was just mentioning that I can now understand why the LBS often don't want to take the WS back after its all said and done. This behavior is not something you want from a spouse after they left you. Hell even if you recon do you discuss what the WS did or just treat as if This was in their past like it all some past relationship. Guess I am just curious that's all. But I supposebthis mught be why some WW feel they can never return to the MR.
Sweeping it under the rug doesn't work. Treating it as though it was just something in her past, won't work. If the couple reconciles, they should have a pro marriage therapist that works with couples healing from an affair.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
