He's hiding something, something big. I don't know how it is in Europe but here in the states the judges frown very hard on moving/spending/hiding funds within the marital boundaries. He's probably stalling and hoping it just goes away, very common in avoidance folks. I like the "tone" in your posts, strong and detached.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
1200 at main train station? I'll be there citygrl.
It is frustrating, standard MLC s**te though, isn't it? Full of stupidity and narcissism. And thinking that we will still be the 'nice wife'...
I do need to figure out how to settle financially and deal with the house sale in a way that requires minimal action from STBXH because he just lies and can't be relied on to do even simple things. (Wish the alien mothership would return the original!)
What I've learned is to breathe and do nothing for a few days so I can give myself time to figure it out. I'll do that and ignore him. I have my mail set up so his goes to a separate folder. If he calls this evening, as I suspect he will, I'll ignore it. Most likely we'll just have to go back to the L route.
He may file for Absolute anyway especially if he's p'd off. There is just a part of me that thinks I should end the chaos he started but I don't need to decide that until next month - few days after my birthday and BD anniversary - yay!
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Thanks, psysara - possible, although there isn't much left to hide! Doesn't matter really (see I've handed in my mind-reading turban!) just need to figure out the best process from here for me.
Thanks Gordie - will listen now with my morning cup of coffee
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
I've found (no idea how) that I seem to have got to that sweet spot of Both/And detachment. I absolutely accept I can't resurrect my family or my life pre-BD, and that I cannot prevent my much-loved H from the effects of his own chaos. I need to protect me, of course, and sometimes the current truth of what I'm dealing with does make me angry or sad or uncertain.
I know now that my M is over, or will be soon. I don't know what will happen to my H. I may never know. I don't know what will unfold for me next either, but it feels more likely to be good things because I'm not in crisis! I also know that, no matter who else I love in different ways, my love for my H is written on my bones. So I will deal with the legal stuff with my head and let my heart guide me to be kind about all the other things that won't damage me, but might matter to my H if he ever comes out of the fog. In some ways, once we get past the worst of the pain and the fear, and really let go, it becomes much simpler.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Treassur i have read your thread our situation is slibhtly different but depression of our spouse is the common pt. Your comments have slowing changed you have really started to look towards yourself and the best thing for you. I wish you further success at making possitive changes for yourself and hope in the near future i can do the same.
Thank you so much, Nrthman. I've certainly learned that depression is a lot more shouty and complex than just eating cake in your pjs in front of the tv!!
I think it is really tricky to work out how to deal with adult things like money, houses and legal stuff when someone is suffering from severe depression. They either avoid things or flip-flop around, and their brains seem to be a bit like cheese with holes.
Has your spouse been diagnosed and are they getting treatment? (Although tbh I think my H's psychiatrist has made some things worse and I'm not sure his ADs have helped the pitch much, just made him emotionally numb and fat with erection problems! Oh, ok, that last one is a plus for me if a minus for him and OW - LOL) Detaching and accepting you cannot fix their depression is tough but necessary.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
My w knows she has issues. At this time just retreats to a room at night and most weekends. Has contact with kids but always seems to come off the tracks and again back to the room at her moms place.
Detaching is the biggest problem i have....
Just working to keep my kids on track 17b showing some major stress at home and school. He plays football and is being looked at by multiple schools not a time for things to be tough on him...although it has made him a beast on the field almost to aggressive.
