Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife Wants to Leave Marriage 5

Tread, I so worry about you. I see so much anger and vindictive behavior. Not only do I worry about your harming your relationship with your child (that is his mother you are talking about), but I worry you will wake up one day and realize what you have done and feel terrible about yourself.

Please, move forward with a civil divorce and take the anger out in the gym. Leave the marriage with dignity, even if she can't. Be the honorable person if she won't. Do it for your son and do it for yourself.

Read woundedfool's post on T's thread for inspiration on turning the other cheek and why you need to do it.

((Tread)) Don't participate in FB warfare. It is classless. You have much better things to do than stoop to Jr. High School antics. Once you put words on the Internet.....it's there forever. The more you try to beat her in a FB competition, the more you are showing everyone that you are consumed with thoughts of her and what she has done. The best thing you can do is leave it alone.

Your anger is a normal response, IMHO. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't feel like you do. I can speak from experience when I say to be careful how you deal handle the anger. Please find a more healthy source to get that mad pent-up steam out of your system. Get a boxer's bag and punch the daylights out of it. Run until you drop. Do pushups until you fall on your face. But try to work out your anger in a more productive and healthy manner. Don't fall into the temptation of FB warfare.

Focus on your integrity. Your son is watching to see how a man of honor reacts to such a horrid act of betrayal. Show him how to hold your chin up, walk & talk with dignity and grace.

I'm so sorry for the pain in your life and the suffering your family is experiencing. You will get through it. You will be okay.

Alright, so W never showed up to the house last night to discuss finances and what steps do we plan on taking. Never even bothered to call and say she wasn't showing up. So how do I handle this one? Because integrity at this point has got me nowhere. And my W is sneaking around making moves, while I focus on integrity. At this point, I'm about to have no place to live when I have to get rid of this house. W continues this behaviour, because all I can do is shrug it off. Hell, I can't even afford to get a divorce. So I'm stuck dealing with this nonsense, while my W walks around without a care in the world.

I've been running my a** off. Lost a lot of weight and my run time is a little over 3 miles in 28 minutes. The craziest part is that W can still take the craziness to the next level. At this point, I'm dealing with more than the A. I have to deal with my very survival. Because it seriously feels like W is trying to destroy me, while coming by with this fake smile and concern. Nobody is trying to turn S13 against her. But the boy is seeing all of this and my frustration. He has questions and I refuse to lie to cover up for his mother. He actions bring up these questions and I'm left having to answer them.

Also W doesn't plan on staying later at S13 first IC session. Supposedly cooking for her friends party is far more important. AS if she can't cook the taco meat earlier in the day and just bring it by after counselling to heat hit up.n I told W whatever decision she makes is alright, but it would be nice for us both to be there for him. So we'll see if she stays.

Tread, I've had (have) a lot of this with my STBXH. No idea why they do it.

Breathe....then accept that doing thing collaboratively is unlikely to work (because your W has currently lost most of her grown-up marbles). Look at the financial stuff yourself. Make a plan. Tell her what it is and give her a deadline for coming up with better or that's what you'll do. This is about survival for you and your family unfortunately. Be fair (but not too fair) and limit your W's access to money because you can't trust her currently (probably) to be responsible or think about anyone else's needs but hers.

I'm sorry. I know it's tough.

Treasure,

Thanks for that advice. I thought about just leaving her out of everything of possible and doing things myself. Regardless if it was against what she would want. But I didn't want to come off as being spiteful. But I will W the opportunity. And if she fails to show, then I make a decision based on what I deem to be beat for everyone. But mainly myself and S13.

As far as the money, everything is joint. And we unfortunately need to keep it tjis way to pay bills and survive. This is a big reason why I wanted to have this financial talk last night. Odds are that maybe was with some man last night. But that is just an assumption, so I won't dwell on that.

We were the same with joint a/cs and always very transparent together about money.

Unfortunately last year, my H started removing thousands from our joint a/c "because he needed it".... please focus on you and S13, it's not being spiteful, just practical and you can give her the opportunity to share in the discussion. But have a plan for if she doesn't.

And if she is seeing someone else, even if he's paying for swanky dinners etc, your W will be spending money on new clothes, hairdos etc....

Your right about that. W has been running around buying new outfits and taking a hunch of selfies. As far as I know there are no swanky dinners. Maybe lunch here or there. W has been easy for the most part, so no man is actually putting on work to get her but me. Guess that makes me the village idiot. But not anymore.

Also can someone explain to me why W would remove me from social media, but not OM or the guys she made out with? One woukd assume that she would bw distancing herself from them considering a BD is around the corner. Any lawyer or judge would see that she cares more about other men than her family. Which woukd make hee look extremely bad.

Adultery doesn't count for much anymore in divorce court in many (maybe even most) states. It's a cause for divorce but won't affect the property settlement and probably not even custody unless there is some particularly egregious circumstance.

Tread, you've GOT to stop killing yourself about what she's doing or who with. HAVE to. You're just torturing yourself at this point. I know it [censored]--hell, everyone here knows just how much it does. But you're not going to be able to get a handle on things until you do.

EastTN,

Seeing how well someone else's sitch is going just made me realize that my mistake was expecting some sort of respect from W. And also expecting her to carry herself like a W while still married. At least for the sake if S13. Should have completely backed off from the start. But I couldn't allow disrespect to take place according to people in this forum.

At this point, W and I probably do need to be seperated, because she wants to so whatever regardless who it hurts. And I can't live or be with someone like that. Perhaps I should take a page from her book and think about pleasing myself and stop giving a damn.

There is nothing more that I want than to keep my family together. But my W and SIL are plotting to take what steps necessary to ruin me, while they plan on running off into the sunset together. And SIL is apparent cool with my W doing whatever, because they have a parent/child relationship. That damn woman doesn't have a brain of her own. So she will cosign what W does no matter how ridiculous it seems. MIL is just shaking her head at this point at bs.

I am aware that I need to get past this. The plan was to sit back and allow W to get a lawyer and be the one to go through the process if that is what she wants. The problem here is that I find myself having to be the one to make decision just to survive. Having a chance to wait years for this to possibly blow over isn't looking like an option for me like I wanted. And clearly in doing so, I have to live like a monk. Doing that while W possibly allows whoever to run through as she becomes more comfortable with the sitch is not an option. S13 deserves to see his father in a better light than that.

Now I just have to find a way to pay for this divorce. Because unlike W, I can't in good conscious move on until legally apart. Whereas she clearly doesn't care about the MR blocking her aspects.

I think you think there is some magic recipe. Every situation is different. Every person is different. One size does not fit all. Some were probably going to come back no matter what the spouse did, some were probably never coming back and some situations can probably go one way or another.

The way you talk about your W makes me wonder why you would ever want her back. There are lots of excuses. Go down to the county courthouse and ask for a pro se divorce packet. They doubtless have one. Read up about divorce in your state. Once you feel like you know everything, book an hour or two of attorney time to confirm that you have thought through the issues.

You don't have to stay trapped in anything and it is obviously not a healthy situation for any of you, particularly your son.

We have all been disrespected. I have been married 25 years. I supported my H for 23 years of it financially. I put him through medical school. The year he finally made more money than me he dropped the bomb. Now he is pretty much a vanisher who could care less about his kids. We all have stuff to work through and get over. You are just choosing to stay trapped in a very dark place.

Let go of every single thing you have no control over. Focus on the things you do. If she won't participate in making financial decisions, make them yourself. If she won't file and you want a divorce, then you go file. You are only a chump if you act like one.